Kopy Kats

Since 9/11, the attempts at terror by Al-Qaeda in the West have gone from Hollywoodesque to Ealing Studios.

I think it's because when you don't have the main gang handling the job, you're going to get Richard Reids trying to (unsuccessfully) get a hot foot.

A chum of mine wondered a fortnight ago, tongue-in-sheik, "I can imagine the statues in the totalitarian Islamic society now", and I fashioned today what these awards would look like.

9/11 Saddam-like crossed swords over the M1 in Afghanistan
4/11 A tasteful mural of Aznar's buttplugs
7/7 Coat-of-Arms with lions rampant over a No. 30 bus
7/21 "100% Attendance in Terrorist Camp" Award

When I was growing up in London, we were always told not to touch unattended bags in the Tube. But they never told us to keep an eye out for incompetent terrorists.

Londoners will survive.