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Sundries
...a sweatshop of moxie

Monday, November 28, 2005

Critters

I'm used to much in South Florida, in the way of critterhood.

In my short time here, I've seen godzilla-sized cockroaches which fly right at you, apparently called "Palmetto bugs" (and pronounced Southern-style, palmettoe buuuuuhgs).

I've seen crickets so huge, you could train them as a spin-bowler for Sri Lanka.

I've even seen a racoon close-up so immense and vicious-looking with that pointy snout, that he sent my father scampering up the stairs, ostensibly to find a "broom".

And on the stretch of freeway known as Alligator Alley (I-10) leading to Tampa/St. Pete, I've seen traffic stopped, because, would you believe it -- there was a real live alligator crossing it (and news crews there to film it).

Took his sweet time too.

England, of course, is the land of logic and moderation.

Sequoias, piranhas, boa constrictors -- they're more for lands where the terrain is savage and people have names like "Lance" and "Ronaldinho" not Gareth and Trevor.

So all these various creatures took some getting used to, when I came over, I can tell you.

But never did I dream I would encounter what I just did, a few minutes ago.

For perched on top of my kitchen counter, looking out of place in its pristine Lysolness, was a SILVER roach.

(The wags amongst you will refrain from inquiring about my bong habits)

Not grey. Not dark beige. Not light black. SILVER.

I panicked.

I didn't know whether (a) to fetch the Raid (b) take out my camera and photograph it for my blog (c) sue the Federal government for obvious nuclear testing in the area.

Before I knew it, it had shimmied under the ledge, not to be seen again.

You have no idea how frightened, and yet, oddly exhilirated I am right now.

For I know it'll make babies. And I know I'll make a fortune with my new all-silver roach circus, thus chucking the need for medical school entirely.

Stay tuned.

CORRECTION: Commenter C.S. MacDonald points out that 1-10 is up the road from 1-75, Alligator Alley. One day I'll tell you how I was going to Pensacola, and somehow made a wrong turning, finding myself in Georgia...

15 Comments:

  • Hmm...how very odd.

    By Blogger MuppetLord, at Mon Nov 28, 01:14:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Oh, if it were only the rare Glitter Roach! Eddie Izzard would fly down just to see it!

    and the Mirrorball Roach...even more highly prized!

    By Blogger Ron, at Mon Nov 28, 02:10:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Oh, you Dreamer of Big Dreams. If not healing, it's writing, if not writing, it's running away to the circus, you and your Silver Roaches and I don't doubt that you could train them to do fascinating things, too.
    For now though, let's see you catch the shiny bugger. I know you said not to but, sure it wasn't the silver roach clip shimmering in your dreams?

    By Blogger Paul, at Mon Nov 28, 03:58:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Hmm...how very odd.

    Me, or the roach? Don't answer that.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Mon Nov 28, 07:34:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Oh, if it were only the rare Glitter Roach! Eddie Izzard would fly down just to see it!

    and the Mirrorball Roach...even more highly prized!


    You know, Ron, until I read your comment, I had no idea of the Disco-related possibilities of the roach industry.

    I shall investigate forthwith. I could be sitting on a goldmine.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Mon Nov 28, 07:35:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Oh, you Dreamer of Big Dreams. If not healing, it's writing, if not writing, it's running away to the circus, you and your Silver Roaches and I don't doubt that you could train them to do fascinating things, too.

    For now though, let's see you catch the shiny bugger. I know you said not to but, sure it wasn't the silver roach clip shimmering in your dreams?


    *lolol*

    That has to be best reply you've ever written on my blog, Paul.

    Running away to the roach circus...that's me all over.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Mon Nov 28, 07:37:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Maybe Gary Glitter was already reincarnated even before his potential death sentence was carried out?

    (A cockroach would be about right for a kiddie fiddler, and we'll he still is Gary Glitter despite that, so if he must be a cockroach why not a fabulous silver lame cockroach)

    By Blogger XWL, at Mon Nov 28, 08:21:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Quoting the XWL-referred article:

    Pop paedophile GARY GLITTER is facing a death sentence in Vietnam after a 12-year-old girl told police he had sex with her.

    Yipes. From Top of the Pops, to the Pops of the Top.

    Not pretty...

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Mon Nov 28, 08:29:00 pm GMT-5  

  • The roach is very odd of course. :)

    By Blogger MuppetLord, at Tue Nov 29, 01:05:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Coming late to the party, and to spoil it, no less. Your cockroach is not unusual. After molting, it takes a little while for the new cuticle to darken. Basically, you just caught one cavorting about in its skivvies.

    By Blogger Icepick, at Wed Nov 30, 01:09:00 pm GMT-5  

  • The roach is very odd of course. :)

    Oh Muppetlord. You do disappoint. ;)

    BTW, I'm watching "Viva Blackpool" on the BeebAmerica.

    Not bad. Needs more Guy Ritchie, though.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Nov 30, 04:40:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Coming late to the party, and to spoil it, no less.

    It was breaking up anyway, Icepick. We just ran out of Molson.

    Your cockroach is not unusual. After molting, it takes a little while for the new cuticle to darken.

    Heavens. It's such a prosaic reason at that. I think I'll ignore this new-found knowledge, and continue believing it's a special roach.

    A bit like what the Catholic Church does, really.

    Basically, you just caught one cavorting about in its skivvies.

    *LOL*

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Nov 30, 04:42:00 pm GMT-5  

  • That's the interweb in a nutshell.

    You can't muse upon a magical silver roach without someone spoiling the mood with mere facts.

    (just kidding)

    It never ceases to fascinate how ignorance is stalked, hunted, and shot, then bloodily dismembered on the internets.

    (except in the darker corners of say Kosland, or in the underground, democratic)

    (ohh, had to spoil thing myself and let my partisanship show)

    By Blogger XWL, at Wed Nov 30, 07:21:00 pm GMT-5  

  • *psst* Alligator Alley is I-75 - I10 is waaaaay up at the top of the state :)

    When I first moved to Ft. Lauderdale in 87, gators were still known to be seen near downtown - that doesn't seem to happen any more...

    By Blogger C.S. McDonald, at Wed Nov 30, 11:18:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Thanks CS! I'll correct it.

    P.S.: XWL, that's what blogs are for -- to show your partisanship. ;)

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Thu Dec 01, 07:15:00 pm GMT-5  

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