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Sundries
...a sweatshop of moxie

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Laura Bush's Disco Pants

(Welcome Anchoress' readers! I left the post up a little longer than usual. Please scroll up for my latest post!)

Back in the day, there used to be a wonderfully eponymous soccer chant to honour a much-beloved Republic of Ireland footballer.

It was called Niall Quinn's Disco Pants, and went a little something like this.

Niall Quinn's disco pants are the best,
They go up from his arse to his chest.
They are better than Adam and The Ants,
Nial Quinn's disco pants.

The 80s weren't exactly a quality musical bonanza, you know. But fun!

Although I wouldn't be so coarse as to blog about First Lady Laura Bush's arse (oops, just did), I will blog about just about anything else of hers.

So let's start by stating the obvious, in Andrew Dice Clay fashion:

Man, does she look great these days, or what?

She's got a hair overhaul thingie going on, which takes YEARS off of her, plus she looks really buff, now that she has access these 5 years to the White House's Jacqueline Kennedy Fitness Centre and Lady Bird Sauna.

The creamy smooth transformation which occurs to all First Ladies in their husband's second term has worked wonders for more than one president's missus.

Who can forget Hillary Clinton in 1992, with her $22.50 Little Rock frosted highlights, and in-your-face hair scrunchies?



Barf-a-rama.

Ah, but look at her in her post-Vogue makeover, in year 7 of hubby's administration.



Yowza! It's First Lady Maria Sharapova!

(Of course, this is her in 2005. Holy crapple. I could make tea with those bags under her eyes)

The sleek redo of a First Lady's image is a relatively modern innovation.

I don't think a single person noticed or cared if Mamie Eisenhower ever changed her Sears catalogue wardrobe, or not.

It actually took President Kennedy's ole lady to make people sit up and notice that hey, a First Lady is not just a really cool name for a Kentucky Derby mare, she can be an elegant trophy wife too!

(Although Frances Cleveland was truly the first dishy First Lady, way back in 1888...



...but who gives a rat's keister now)

Laura Bush served notice that she was going from the fussy PTA mom look she had cultivated for years in Austin, to the regal incarnation we see before us today, when earlier in 2005, she appeared radiant in her Snow White inauguration ensemble.



By the way, who was the genius who thought up of bringing the whole First Family up to the podium for the actual swearing-in?

If you look at photographs of the Kennedy inauguration, Mrs. K is no where to be seen near the Bible. She's off to the side, hugging her muff.

Then LBJ honoured his long-suffering wife by asking her to triangle the scene with him and Chief Justice Warren, and before you knew it, whammo! the whole family gets in on the act.

That's just dopey. What next, Socks the First Cat?

Anyway, back to The Transformation.

It is true that all families who enter the White House are beneficiaries of the gilded cage effect.

- Your Presidential mongrammed towels are always warm and fluffed.

- You have round-the-clock personal chefs oozing from every kitchen.

- Your carpets are noiselessly hoovered, with the quiet perfection of 1600 Pennsylvania enveloping you at every turn.


But chief amongst the perks are personal clothiers and groomers whose sole task is to make you fit to be seen in public, so you don't scare the voters.

Well do we all remember, cringingly, President Clinton's teensy-weensy shorts which he wore that first year, in his quick jogs to Mickey D's.

Plus, the eagle-eyed amongst you could not forget his plastic Timex watch, which graced the Presidential wrist long into his first term.

When he left, he was all Hugo Boss golfing pants, and Jaeger Le Coutre timepieced out. That's more like it!

So it comes as no surprise to see Mrs. Bush go through the same makeover process.

Each modern First Lady had a certain style, a certain distinctive feature which you associate with her.

Whether it's pillbox hats (JBK), or jeans (Rosalyn Carter), or Adolfo gowns (Nancy Reagan), or Grecian Formula (Barbara Bush), the woman who seconded the President in office was true to her style, but that never prevented her from improving on it.

Which brings us to the distintive feature which will be associated with Laura Bush, in years to come.

For it is my contention that she put the pantsuit on the map.

Before, Hillary Clinton would SOMETIMES dare a pantsuit, albeit rarely on formal occasions, but on her, it always looked like a badly tailored rucksack, possibly because she has hips the size of Idaho.

But Laura Bush, with her new abs of steel, and more conventional leggy proportions, has just enough presence to carry them off, and still look smart, not lazy.

Because let's face it, a woman wearing trousers just screams, "I don't give a hoot about femininity. Pants are da bomb."

That's as may be, but perhaps what has happened, is that the dirtiest secret in Western society is finally out.

Women can and do have it all, and now they can wear trousers on formal occasions, because hey, look, the First Lady does it!

And how.

This is Laura Bush being escorted into church this past November.

Look how she jazzed up the drabby but skintight pantsuit by wearing hump-me pumps.



Freaking church, for chrissakes!

And during her much-commented on appearance on the Tonight Show, you know the one where Jay Leno asked her what she did in Vegas, she sat demurely crossing her legs, replying...



..."Jay, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas."

(She kills me)

It's not only these semi-public events that Mrs. Bush decided to try out her new pantsuit stylings. Oh no.

Here she is on the dais with the First Lady of Georgia, Sandra Roelofs.

That's during an OFFICIAL STATE VISIT to Tbilisi, folks.



That would've been unthinkable a mere decade ago.

What makes the photo even more impressive, is that because of her established lead, Mrs. Roelofs also is wearing a very cheery pantsuit herself.

That she had to slay a dozen cuddly rabbits to get it, is beside the point.

The point is that the word is finally out to women of importance everywhere:

The American First Lady does it, and she's as square and proper as a schoolmarm, so we can too!

It's funny, but all the Gloria Steinems, all the Kate Millets, all the Simone de Beauvoirs in this world couldn't transform the female wardrobe to reflect a more feminist, take-charge style.

It took an ex-librarian, the hyper-traditionalist wife of a born-again President, to liberate women from the oppression of the dress on formal occasions.

Not that dresses are bad.

But let's just say, as I type, my sinewy legs are shown off to perfection by my clingy hump-me slacks.

It'll take another First Lady, in another decade, to make the next revolutionary fashion transition, into what I wear the rest of the time I blog:

Shorts and a tee.

Hint: Mrs. Giuliani is all over that.

UPDATE: The Anchoress informs me that the "2005" photo actually dates from either on or before 9/11, intimating it's when she was quite overworked. Fair enough. Also, the Anchoress is of the opinion that Mrs. Giuliani is quite the dollie, fashion-wise. Thank heaven for that.

17 Comments:

  • Where DO you come up with this stuff? Turning the first ladies buff butt and excellent display of it with pantsuits that fit into a post is, probably, genius.
    Well, why not?
    Me? I'm a face man, long, long after you've entered a room do I look lower. Still, subliminally, maybe I noticed how lovely from head to toe a woman looks.
    I saw Mrs. Bush come out on Leno and that is what I saw. She, and all her courtiers have done themselves proud.
    I'd like the shorts and tees sitting on the South Portico waving at the tourists, the time has come. Ya'all come back now, hear?

    By Blogger Paul, at Wed Dec 28, 03:20:00 pm GMT-5  

  • But let's just say, as I type, my sinewy legs are shown off to perfection by my clingy hump-me slacks.

    Reading that I could only think that a picture is worth a thousand words.....

    Did you say "Hump-me slacks?"

    By Blogger Jose Aguirre, at Wed Dec 28, 07:28:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Where DO you come up with this stuff? Turning the first ladies buff butt and excellent display of it with pantsuits that fit into a post is, probably, genius.

    Thanks, Paul. :)

    It's not genius. It's just a well of ideas I have deep inside me -- so many, they surprise even me.

    For all that, would you believe, I feel I lack imagination.

    Believe me -- it's true. I have a writer's imagination, which is more linear, than spatial-creative.

    Well, why not?

    Plus, people rarely comment about Laura Bush -- and yet, I feel people are somewhat interested in her.

    I wanted to change that.

    Me? I'm a face man, long, long after you've entered a room do I look lower. Still, subliminally, maybe I noticed how lovely from head to toe a woman looks.

    Yeah, I don't notice a man's body either.

    I go for the hands. Then the eyes. Then the lips.

    The package is only 10th or 11th in the queue. :)

    I saw Mrs. Bush come out on Leno and that is what I saw. She, and all her courtiers have done themselves proud.

    Yes. Phenomenal job, and yet restrained.

    You instinctively feel she would never hold up passengers in the LA airport, to get a haircut...

    I'd like the shorts and tees sitting on the South Portico waving at the tourists, the time has come. Ya'all come back now, hear?

    Channeling Lillian Carter is evil! EVIL!

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Dec 28, 08:19:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Reading that I could only think that a picture is worth a thousand words.....

    UH-huh. ;)

    I have the face that launched a thousand shifts.

    And alts, and ctrls.

    Did you say "Hump-me slacks?"

    I did, and I'm proud of it!

    P.S.: Pense en ti cuando fui a Versailles hoy, Jose. Y pense en Robert cuando fui a Westchester para buscar un sastre por papa. Que romantico.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Dec 28, 08:22:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Okay Victoria, I'm on to you, unfortunately, I still don't know what you said to Jose:

    "Pense in you when I went today to Versailles, Jose. And pense in Robert when I went to Westchester to look for a tailor by Pope. That romantico"

    What the heck is "Pense?" Maybe I really don't want to know.

    For all that, would you believe, I feel I lack imagination.

    Victoria, I will go away today and never return but still tell you, I do not believe that. One other thing, you've a never-ending flow of humour. You're tough too. Admirable.

    By Blogger Paul, at Wed Dec 28, 09:20:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Victoria our paths were not meant to cross today as I had my pastelitos y mi cafecito en La Carreta!

    Paul, pense just means she thought of me and of Robert at a couple of her stops today!

    By Blogger Jose Aguirre, at Wed Dec 28, 10:47:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Thank you Jose, I have to say Google translating leaves a lot to be desired since pastelitos and cafecito (even I can guess this one) were left untranslated. If I paid them for this, I'd be upset.
    You are very kind, I appreciate the help.

    By Blogger Paul, at Thu Dec 29, 12:50:00 am GMT-5  

  • Yes, it's true, she's looking better all the time.

    She shouldn't have any trouble finding dates while her ex-husband is serving his sentence.

    (Hey, you have your wistful fantasies, and I have mine)

    By Blogger misterniceguy1960, at Thu Dec 29, 07:05:00 am GMT-5  

  • Okay Victoria, I'm on to you, unfortunately, I still don't know what you said to Jose:

    Ahh. The joys of Babelfishing.

    What the heck is "Pense?" Maybe I really don't want to know.

    It's actually pensé with an accent on the second -e.

    Maybe that made a difference. :)

    Victoria, I will go away today and never return but still tell you, I do not believe that.

    Eh, maybe. My mother also doesn't believe it.

    But I do think my imagination is different from say, the kinds of imagination of a CS Lewis or JK Rowling.

    If you read my Nostalgia piece, in the Best of Sundries, you'll see why perhaps.

    One other thing, you've a never-ending flow of humour. You're tough too. Admirable.

    Thanks. :)

    With a twist, though.

    I'm tough on the inside, and soft on the outside.

    It's usually the other way around in this life.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Thu Dec 29, 05:45:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Victoria our paths were not meant to cross today as I had my pastelitos y mi cafecito en La Carreta!

    Por tu madre, que close and yet so far! ;)

    Paul, pense just means she thought of me and of Robert at a couple of her stops today!

    I frequently find myself doing so these days.

    Like yesterday, as well, when I passed by CG City Hall, I thought, ooh, I wonder if that dishy blond guy with the two kids in a stroller is Jose?

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Thu Dec 29, 05:47:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Thank you Jose, I have to say Google translating

    Google is "good" (that is bad), but you also have my Translation sidebar there whenever you want. :)

    leaves a lot to be desired since pastelitos and cafecito (even I can guess this one) were left untranslated. If I paid them for this, I'd be upset.

    They are HILARIOUS translation efforts.

    English is one of the few languages which has no masculine/feminine/neutral, and no formal and informal pronouns.

    I'm sure it's caused lawsuits!

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Thu Dec 29, 05:50:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Sorry I missed you Vic, but no stroller for me; my youngest is already 16!

    I still owe you your cortadito!

    By Blogger Jose Aguirre, at Thu Dec 29, 09:29:00 pm GMT-5  

  • "no formal and informal pronouns"

    Well, "thou" and "thee" don't get much use these days, but they are still available.

    By Blogger JSU, at Thu Dec 29, 09:35:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Cleveland married a hottie half his age -- after fathering a child out of wedlock
    Mrs. C never wore a pants suit

    By Blogger DonSurber, at Sun Jan 01, 10:13:00 am GMT-5  

  • Victoria,

    You are amazing. Truly you are.

    And you're right, of course. Laura makes those pantsuits look good. She is a classy lady, all the way around. Maybe that's why you can relate to her so instinctively.

    By Blogger Pastor_Jeff, at Wed Apr 11, 10:38:00 pm GMT-4  

  • Wow, fancy this lovely comment a year after I posted it.

    Thank you so much, Pastor Jeff!

    Were you tooling around, and pounced on this blogpost? :)

    (BTW, personal TOP 5 faves I have blogged about)

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Thu Apr 12, 02:35:00 am GMT-4  

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