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Sundries
...a sweatshop of moxie

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Blind Date

Safely ensconced in my new chair today, a Christmas present which has gone a long way to making it more comfy to blog for longer moments than recently, I was flicking through the channels on my TV -- again.

That's when I came upon the hugely entertaining Blind Date show on WB (or UPN, I always confuse the two).

I'm sure it happens frequently, when you're listening to a caller on the radio drone on, and you get a sudden sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, forcing you to turn it off.

That's what happened to me in this segment, when a very boorish man tried to gross out his admittedly, rather prissy "blind date", intent on introducing him to the wonders of fine wine.

This he promptly spat out all over her...twice.

The show's shrink counseled that this type of man is usually quite shy, and makes a pig of himself in order to cover that up.

Hmm. Interesting.

It reminds me of the one and only blind date I have ever been on, so far, since my married friends were always trying to hook me up with one of their single male friends.

(I have since lost all my married friends in my various continental shifts, although now my single friends have leapt into the breech)

He showed up in a torn t-shirt and ripped, baggy jeans, whilst I was dressed to die for in a Vera Wang one-piece, carefully coiffed, and nails more manicured than the smallest shrub at Kew Gardens.

(I notice that some people consider putting on the very best foot forward in first-time meetings, a form of hypocrisy -- almost as if you're putting on airs or worse, lying about your real self. But both temperamentally and by upbringing, I was raised to laugh and point at such people for their arrant stoopidity)

He didn't open the car door for me. Nor did he pull out my chair at the restaurant.

And he proceeded to talk about himself during the whole 1 hour meal -- at the end of which he burped loudly.

Oh, and his comments about me got increasingly more sophomoric, including the Quagmire-creepy, "You have the butt of a 13-year old boy".

What I wouldn't have given for that white van at the end of the date as on TV.

But no, still the awkward "goodbye kiss at the door" had to be gotten through, which I need hardly mention, I repulsed.

I thought, and thought about this episode, wondering what on earth would make a man do something like this, which comes close to social sabotage.

Then it dawned on me.

Some people like to throw all the "bad" stuff they harbour deep within, or about themselves in their lives, very quickly to their intended love interest.

If they stay, even after such a display of bad manners or overtly disagreeable quirks, like the torn jeans, burping and noxious remarks, it's because the person on the other end likes them, really and truly, despite all of this negative baggage.

This was confirmed later by the jerk himself, when he told the Blind Date producers that any "date which doesn't end with him not being slapped by the girl, is a success".

He knows perfectly well what he is doing, all the while claiming he's just being "himself".

In fact, he's not.

He's being a version of himself, the very worst version, which is rigged for failure...and for confirmation YET AGAIN that he is unlovable, or even not worthy of love.

(He'll continue to do this, until a woman finally calls him out on his BS by saying simply, "I don't like the way you act. It's not something a real man does, but I like you and want to get to know you better, if you try.")

Although women are just as capable of this insensitive behaviour as their male dates, I do think this behaviour is more common with men.

Especially men who are Gen-X'ers.

There is something about our generation (of which I myself am a late example), that delays resolution in our lives, particularly settling down with someone permanently.

As I once mentioned, nostalgia is a defence mechanism, which suspends destiny and forestalls the pain of the new or unknown.

Given that characteristic, and tying it to an absolute need to find the perfect (read, most accomodating) mate, it's a small wonder so many 30-somethings are still unwed today.

Later, to my astonishment, and yet not, given my introspection, I found out from my embarrassed married friends that the guy constantly asked about me, and seemed to display a bit of remorse about the date -- even though he hid it under a veil of sarcasm.

"Tell her, she only has the butt of a 15-year old boy"

22 Comments:

  • While dining here I there happened to be a taping of an episode of Blind Date ongoing.

    The woman was impressively outfitted ('aka' dressed like a streetwalker) and her companion was leering and inappropriate. It wasn't a big room and the camera crew, producers, and P.A.s were pretty obtrusive.

    There were also breaks in taping and what seemed like 'notes' being given to the two 'daters' on how to interact with each other.

    As far as the other portion of this post and being a never married straight man in his mid thirties,.....no comment.

    (one other thing, I'm disappointed (that is if the 13 or 15 year old crack is accurate), when it comes to women's posteriors I'm more inclined to follow the advice of Sir Mix-A-Lot or Queen (and really, why the hell was Freddie Mercury singing about Fat Bottomed Girls?!?))

    By Blogger XWL, at Tue Dec 27, 04:56:00 am GMT-5  

  • Good post! I find when people "delay resolution" it's the clearest sign that they want resolution more than anything! If you really didn't want it, you could accept it when it came along with a shrug. Every generation lies about itself; it takes the next generation to point it out.

    I think if you told the 80-year old Eudora Welty that she had the butt of a 13 year old boy on a date, you deserve to be slapped! (even if it might be viewed as a compliment as in this case!)

    If it means anything, I'm sure your callipygian aspect is quite sublime...

    By Blogger Ron, at Tue Dec 27, 09:35:00 am GMT-5  

  • Pardon? That's just not right.

    By Blogger MuppetLord, at Tue Dec 27, 10:35:00 am GMT-5  

  • I'll miss the point of the post totally but, a date, blind or not calls for dressing appropriately and most important showing the proper respect in actions and words to a person willingly to be seen in public with you.
    Later, after knowing eack other's preferences we can dress and act more similar to the other's joy. Discussing a posterior of your blind date seems in very bad taste, compliment or no.
    Ami I missing something here? I should think you gave him a goodbye swift kick in his juvenile butt in lieu of a kiss.

    By Blogger Paul, at Tue Dec 27, 07:59:00 pm GMT-5  

  • My sister was on a blind date with a lawyer (they were both in their 30s) who did dress nicely in a three-piece suit for the date. However, halfway through the appetizers he queried: "What would you say if I told you I wasn't wearing any underwear?"

    My sister, God bless her, said, "I'd hate to have your dry cleaning bills."

    Needless to say, a second date did not occur.

    By Anonymous Charlene, at Tue Dec 27, 08:12:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Oh, how about a picture of the chair? I'm thinking perhaps a Captain Kirk knock-off.

    By Blogger Paul, at Tue Dec 27, 08:28:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Victoria:
    My blind date has been my husband of 15 years. He's the best possible guy I could've married. Might I suggest moving to a "target-rich environment"? I met my man while I, a female officer, was stationed at the Infantry Center [read: no females] of Fort Benning, Georgia.

    There's an adage we have in North Carolina: Fayetteville: where even fat girls can be choosey.

    [Fayetteville is adjacent to a huge post: Fort Bragg, home of the 82d Airborne Division and XVIII Airborne Corps and Special Forces].

    By Blogger Ruth Anne Adams, at Tue Dec 27, 10:29:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Ruth Anne: A friend of mine noted that Los Alamos was also a "target rich enviroment" for women seeking a more seasoned male counterpart...as she noted: "The women of Los Alamos have a saying: The odds are good, but the goods are probably odd."

    By Blogger Ron, at Tue Dec 27, 11:27:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Does that guy seem a little obsessed with teen boys' posteriors?

    Update: Victoria's blind date has been arrested by police, suspected of having the butt of a 15-year old boy...and a 13-year--you get the picture. The truth will out in the end!

    By Anonymous Darrell, at Wed Dec 28, 01:27:00 am GMT-5  

  • While dining here I there happened to be a taping of an episode of Blind Date ongoing.

    Oooh Thai food. That looks good. Albeit not too spicey for me, please!

    I have the bland tapioca pudding tastes of my people.

    The woman was impressively outfitted ('aka' dressed like a streetwalker) and her companion was leering and inappropriate. It wasn't a big room and the camera crew, producers, and P.A.s were pretty obtrusive.

    Wow, great behind-the-scenes look at Blind Date!

    You know why people go on those Judge Judy/Judge Wopner courts?

    Because the show pays the verdict settlement for them, not the losing party.

    I dated TV exec once. ;)

    There were also breaks in taping and what seemed like 'notes' being given to the two 'daters' on how to interact with each other.

    The world seemed so simple before this moment...

    As far as the other portion of this post and being a never married straight man in his mid thirties,.....no comment.

    You see!

    Freddie Mercury singing about Fat Bottomed Girls?!?))

    Quoting song:

    Left alone with big fat fanny
    She was such a naughty nanny


    Erm...I know Freddy Mercury was born in India to...Dutch parents was it? I forget.

    But culturally, he was British, I think.

    And surely, surely he must know that we use "fanny" in QUITE a different way to North Americans.

    For you guys, it means a lady's tuckus.

    For us, it means the front bit...

    What WAS he playing at, indeed?

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Dec 28, 12:25:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Good post! I find when people "delay resolution" it's the clearest sign that they want resolution more than anything!

    My goodness, Ron! You're like the Oracle of Delphi -- every time you open your mouth on Sundries, you come out with a nugget of wisdom or insight.

    I think you're right.

    It's like all procrastination. Deep inside, we're dying to do it. We're just paralyzed.

    If you really didn't want it, you could accept it when it came along with a shrug. Every generation lies about itself; it takes the next generation to point it out.

    Very, very true.

    The Edwardian generation did a number on the Victorian one, that we STILL haven't recovered from. :(

    I hate Lytton Strachey.

    I think if you told the 80-year old Eudora Welty that she had the butt of a 13 year old boy on a date, you deserve to be slapped! (even if it might be viewed as a compliment as in this case!)

    Wow, is she still alive??

    If it means anything, I'm sure your callipygian aspect is quite sublime...

    *LOL*

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Dec 28, 12:29:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Pardon? That's just not right.

    Which bit? Not the burp thing, I trust. ;)

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Dec 28, 12:30:00 pm GMT-5  

  • I'll miss the point of the post totally

    Heh.

    Yes, it's not so much about the details of the date, but the attitude of the date that is the point. But still, I'm glad you commented on the particulars.

    but, a date, blind or not calls for dressing appropriately and most important showing the proper respect in actions and words to a person willingly to be seen in public with you.

    It's about respect, yes.

    When you show up looking like poop to a date, it sends the signal, I don't care about this person, whether or not it really does.

    Later, after knowing eack other's preferences we can dress and act more similar to the other's joy.

    Sure. You can even go nekkid. ;)

    Discussing a posterior of your blind date seems in very bad taste, compliment or no.
    Ami I missing something here? I should think you gave him a goodbye swift kick in his juvenile butt in lieu of a kiss.


    He had the continued bad taste to reach out for a grope, as well as the kiss.

    I pushed him away, and opened the door REAL fast.

    I wondered why my friends chose him for me, but as I told Renato last night, sometimes people hook up people of similar perceived backgrounds.

    "Oh he's a lawyer, and Vicky comes from a good family."

    Etc.

    What they should be doing is hooking people up for character.

    If a trucker shares my values, who cares what $$ he makes?

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Dec 28, 12:35:00 pm GMT-5  

  • My sister was on a blind date with a lawyer (they were both in their 30s)

    The flip side of the Gen-X'ers is of course, many women are very career-oriented.

    And it doesn't take a genius to know that when a group of women is missing from the dating pool for a while, the males also will not marry early.

    who did dress nicely in a three-piece suit for the date. However, halfway through the appetizers he queried: "What would you say if I told you I wasn't wearing any underwear?"

    *LOL*

    My sister, God bless her, said, "I'd hate to have your dry cleaning bills."

    Ewwwww. Hehe.

    Needless to say, a second date did not occur.

    Going commando doesn't seem SO bad as to decline a followup date.

    But maybe it's the creepiness of the interaction which cinched it for your sister.

    If he had said, "What would say if I told you I was wearing ladies underwear?", that would've made me blink. ;)

    Thanks for replying, Charlene. :)

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Dec 28, 12:40:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Oh, how about a picture of the chair? I'm thinking perhaps a Captain Kirk knock-off.

    *Bones' voice*

    "I'm...a...doctor, not a photographer."

    We'll see. ;)

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Dec 28, 12:42:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Victoria:
    My blind date has been my husband of 15 years.


    Awww. :)

    He's the best possible guy I could've married. Might I suggest moving to a "target-rich environment"?

    I AM in a target rich environment! Miami Beach tourists are 2-to-1 male ratio'ed.

    Anyway, I'm not looking at the moment. :)

    That's part of the funny point -- the marrieds try to hook you up even if you're not looking. Just because.

    I met my man while I, a female officer, was stationed at the Infantry Center [read: no females] of Fort Benning, Georgia.

    A FEMALE OFFICER?

    Ruth Anne, you're my hero(ine).

    A lawyer, a mother, and an officer. Bliss.

    There's an adage we have in North Carolina: Fayetteville: where even fat girls can be choosey.

    *LOL*

    [Fayetteville is adjacent to a huge post: Fort Bragg, home of the 82d Airborne Division and XVIII Airborne Corps and Special Forces].

    Cool. I love this military talk. More more!

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Dec 28, 12:46:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Ruth Anne: A friend of mine noted that Los Alamos was also a "target rich enviroment" for women seeking a more seasoned male counterpart...as she noted: "The women of Los Alamos have a saying: The odds are good, but the goods are probably odd."

    *LOL*

    Yeah, if women only knew hanging around Civil War battlefields will get you a good shot at a stable, if bookish man, they'd dump Friendster in a trice.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Dec 28, 12:48:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Does that guy seem a little obsessed with teen boys' posteriors?

    Indeed. :)

    Update: Victoria's blind date has been arrested by police, suspected of having the butt of a 15-year old boy...and a 13-year--you get the picture. The truth will out in the end!

    I wish I could call my married friends to get a little update, even just for the blog, but I feel shy to call them after such a long while.

    We'll just imagine him married shall we? Or incarcerated as you say. ;)

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Dec 28, 12:49:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Diggity, diggity...oh thats just nasty

    I like your theory, the only other possibility is that he's had bad experiences being the polished lawyer and wanted to ward off women who only wanted to date a lawyer.

    Vera Wang one-piece, ai ai ai...;)

    As to Blind Date, whats with everyone jumping into the hot tub on the first date?

    By Blogger Renato, at Wed Dec 28, 01:09:00 pm GMT-5  

  • My goodness, Ron! You're like the Oracle of Delphi -- every time you open your mouth on Sundries, you come out with a nugget of wisdom or insight.

    Maybe so, but Delphi is bankrupt!

    Brrr...

    By Blogger Ron, at Wed Dec 28, 02:24:00 pm GMT-5  

  • If a trucker shares my values, who cares what $$ he makes?

    Disagree, disagree.
    That is how I think it should be, may even be for a few, how I would be BUT look at all the stars, like...and then there's.....
    Oh, I'm not going to look them up but there's quite a few people marry their security man, their driver, gardener, local fire or policeman, on and on. The differences in culture, class, attitude, intellect, you know, all that 'stuff' seem to doom such partnerships, except for the movies. I love those movies where there's a happily ever after and think it would be quite nice.
    I think it rare too.

    By Blogger Paul, at Wed Dec 28, 02:30:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Was he a tax lawyer?

    By Blogger JSU, at Wed Dec 28, 02:40:00 pm GMT-5  

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