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Sundries
...a sweatshop of moxie

Thursday, January 05, 2006

I Miss Him

I've been away most of today from the blog, as my household was turned upside down.

We just put my dad on a plane to England, to spend some time with his sister, but also to take care of some legal niceties, which I touched on last week, you might remember.

Any change in Last Will and Testaments must be authenticated in the country where the land possessions are in, and as I am a complete duffer about that, we thought it best he handled it.

Not that we had a choice.

He made it clear he was going to do it himself.

I regret not being able to join him, but everything has it's time, as my mother says.

I am in no great hurry to return to my birthplace, either, no matter how much (I confess), I miss it culturally.

So the three of us went to MIA to see him off, arriving almost 4 hours ahead of scheduled take-off, not only because of national security strictures, but because my father is one square son-of-a-gun.

His punctuality is legendary, almost Swiss in its anality.

Always 1 hour before any meeting, any film, any luncheon date.

He just sits and wait until the appropriate time, showing extreme patience, which has never been my forté.

No doubt this is why I am always so late to everything, taking a woman's prerogative to death-defying degrees.

Most people reading this might wonder why all 3 of us had to go to the airport, but that's the way it works in my family.

We're very sentimental about such things, and just stopping the car, not even parking it, to drop a family member off at the airport, is truly unthinkable.

The same is true of picking someone up.

No matter the ungodliness of the time, we're there to greet them upon arrival.

So we waited with him, passing the time away at MIA, until it came time to board, which alas, prevented us from accompanying him to the terminal itself.

But my mother would not be mollified until she saw the plane take-off with her own eyes, waving long after it was certain my dad wasn't even aware of her presence.

She got home, and promptly collapsed crying.

Over 30 years of marriage, and she is still as stuck on him, as the first day they met.

The secret to their long-lasting marriage, however, is something many married couples do not experience:

Separate holidays, once a year.

And this is me, the product of a hyper-punctual, responsible man, and an overly tender, loyal woman.

Small wonder, with such a Joan and Darby as my parents, I myself am not married...yet.

They are a very tough act to follow.

But worth it.

13 Comments:

  • What a beautiful post Victoria...I think the most moving I've read on your blog so far...And I'm glad you share this with us groundlings...thanks again!


    Verification word: "kndyn" "Kind" in Welsh?

    By Blogger Ron, at Thu Jan 05, 01:58:00 am GMT-5  

  • Delightful post, Victoria. I have, at times, simply dropped folks off at the Tampa airport - one does have to work sometimes, y'know? - but much prefer to wait with them, family or friend, until it's time to fly.

    I confess I prefer to wait for my own flight alone. Dunno why.

    By Anonymous benning, at Thu Jan 05, 10:12:00 am GMT-5  

  • That reminds me of when my mom and nonna head off to Italy. It's more a question of who isn't there rather than who is. There's 8 of us in line for 2 passengers.

    Sadly, none of the terminals let you see planes taking off anymore. I still try and find out what plane type it is:)

    I think the part about being away for a while is true. More than once I've heard from my aunts that it was better when my uncles were at work.

    Great post Vicky, your parents are so tender and touching.:)

    By Blogger Renato, at Thu Jan 05, 10:38:00 am GMT-5  

  • What a beautiful post Victoria...I think the most moving I've read on your blog so far...And I'm glad you share this with us groundlings...thanks again!

    Thanks, Ron. I'm glad it has gotten a good reception. :)

    I thought at first, is this too intimate, even for my standards?

    Then I realised, if you are true to your feelings, and leave just enough out, you can be as serene as in person to your closest friends.

    Verification word: "kndyn" "Kind" in Welsh?

    Or a Low Germanic "children"? ;)

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Thu Jan 05, 06:04:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Sincere, not serene.

    But that works too, I suppose!

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Thu Jan 05, 06:05:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Delightful post, Victoria.

    Thanks, Benning.

    You know what I like about Sundries' readers?

    That you allow me to be myself, without comparing your lives to mine.

    In fact, in real life, that isn't always the case as you well know, and people cast a jaundiced eye at what I am sure, seems like a charmed life to many.

    But it's just perception.

    I have, at times, simply dropped folks off at the Tampa airport - one does have to work sometimes, y'know? - but much prefer to wait with them, family or friend, until it's time to fly.

    Oh totally.

    Everyone has their own family dynamic, as I like to say. :)

    I confess I prefer to wait for my own flight alone. Dunno why.

    ME TOO!

    But fat chance in my family. ;)

    In a way, the new tougher strictures about going only so far to the terminals (which was very relaxed when I was growing up), has given me a certain modicum of privacy, as I gather my thoughts for what is always a long flight ahead of me.

    How often do you travel?

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Thu Jan 05, 06:08:00 pm GMT-5  

  • That reminds me of when my mom and nonna head off to Italy. It's more a question of who isn't there rather than who is. There's 8 of us in line for 2 passengers.

    LOL! That's excellent, Renato. :)

    And this is why I love Italians...

    Sadly, none of the terminals let you see planes taking off anymore. I still try and find out what plane type it is:)

    Are you the kind of person that takes out the in-flight magazines, and reads the plane's specs? *g*

    I think the part about being away for a while is true. More than once I've heard from my aunts that it was better when my uncles were at work.

    Other than the newlywed stage, when it would be more than strange NOT to want to be together (perhaps not if you didn't live together beforehand...but that won't be an option with me ;), I think it's salubrious.

    Well, that's my view of it anyway.

    I know lots of couples who are very happily (or at least, successfully) married, and they are rarely apart.

    Great post Vicky, your parents are so tender and touching.:)

    Thanks, Ren. :)

    Yeah, they are...and well, I suppose I am like that a bit too.

    If you're there for the little stuff, you can be sure, you'll have your family for the big stuff, too. :)

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Thu Jan 05, 06:12:00 pm GMT-5  

  • [\ [\ [\ to your parents' long and happy marriage.

    I hope you are as fortunate, one day (assuming that's what you want, of course, which I think you implied).

    Celebrating an 11th anniversary really soon here. These days, I have to say it feels like a bit of an accomplishment, though intellectually I know better.

    (And yes, yes, I know I should be working now, as VB knows, I note. I'm working on a second wind, and I knew I'd get a fresh breeze here.)

    By Blogger reader_iam, at Thu Jan 05, 06:51:00 pm GMT-5  

  • [\ [\ [\ to your parents' long and happy marriage.

    Geez.

    I just jinxed them, didn't I? ;)

    (Why yes, I am superstitious, why do you ask?)

    I hope you are as fortunate, one day (assuming that's what you want, of course, which I think you implied).

    I want to be that fortunate one day.

    When you marry me, it's for life baby! *G*

    Celebrating an 11th anniversary really soon here. These days, I have to say it feels like a bit of an accomplishment, though intellectually I know better.

    Heck no! Congrats on 11 years together, good bad ugly, and definitely worth it. :)

    (And yes, yes, I know I should be working now, as VB knows, I note. I'm working on a second wind, and I knew I'd get a fresh breeze here.)

    "Victoria", "Vicky", "Vic" never VB, purty please. *g*

    Sounds like a bloody STD.

    And yes, I know to what you refer, you poor love.

    Get cracking missy!

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Thu Jan 05, 06:57:00 pm GMT-5  

  • What a gift you've been given! And I'm not talking about the spacious estate in Mother England. Your parents genuinely love each other--that requires patience, sacrifice and vulnerability. They have modeled this optimum marital behaviour to you for your whole life. Now you know what counts as a solid marriage and you'll never settle for anything less. Do you know how many frogs you've avoided en route to princess status? Papa Spurs, by loving Mama Spurs, has given you security.

    I also love that he's uber-punctual. I once wrote a post entitled "Punctuality Equals Love"
    http://optimistmom.blogspot.com/2005/07/punctuality-equals-love.html

    Has he arrived safely yet?

    By Blogger Ruth Anne Adams, at Thu Jan 05, 06:57:00 pm GMT-5  

  • What! This is weird.

    I posted this reply to R_IA, but though it shows up when you click on "Post Comment", it doesn't before on the #comments.html bit!

    This is a test repost.

    [\ [\ [\ to your parents' long and happy marriage.

    Geez.

    I just jinxed them, didn't I? ;)

    (Why yes, I am superstitious, why do you ask?)

    I hope you are as fortunate, one day (assuming that's what you want, of course, which I think you implied).

    I want to be that fortunate one day.

    When you marry me, it's for life baby! *G*

    Celebrating an 11th anniversary really soon here. These days, I have to say it feels like a bit of an accomplishment, though intellectually I know better.

    Heck no! Congrats on 11 years together, good bad ugly, and definitely worth it. :)

    (And yes, yes, I know I should be working now, as VB knows, I note. I'm working on a second wind, and I knew I'd get a fresh breeze here.)

    "Victoria", "Vicky", "Vic" never VB, purty please. *g*

    Sounds like a bloody STD.

    And yes, I know to what you refer, you poor love.

    Get cracking missy!

    Cheers,
    Victoria (let's see if it went through...)

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Fri Jan 06, 12:20:00 am GMT-5  

  • Okay, now it did.

    That's so odd. Wonder what happened when I posted it via the Univ of Miami library thingie?

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Fri Jan 06, 12:21:00 am GMT-5  

  • What a gift you've been given!

    Yeah.

    I always have said, life is a lottery, but your real winning prize is good parents.

    (Or at least one!)

    And I'm not talking about the spacious estate in Mother England.

    Welllll. It's not that big, although big enough for 5 kids, 2 parents, and my grandfather's huge medical library.

    When they were alive, they also had a home in London, and another one in Luton, near St. Albans.

    Those were sold, because...our death duties are through the roof.

    Your parents genuinely love each other--that requires patience, sacrifice and vulnerability.

    And above all, loyalty.

    I think men and women give each otehr loyalty in varying degrees, with women being moreso than men, but as with any generalisation, that's bound to come out like piffle when challenged.

    What perhaps I mean, moral support.

    They have modeled this optimum marital behaviour to you for your whole life. Now you know what counts as a solid marriage and you'll never settle for anything less.

    This is true, but unlike many Americans who are obsessed still with that Ozzie and Harriet idea of marriage, I know marriage needn't be idealised.

    My dad shouts -- a lot. My mother spends money and is always late.

    They are constantly irritating each other with the finer points of their personalities (as all of us do with each other), but at the end of the day, they're together.

    That's the true lesson for me, which children of divorced parents may lack.

    Of course, children of divorce I feel, are much more self-reliant than I am, so it all evens out.

    Do you know how many frogs you've avoided en route to princess status?

    I have to admit, I have dated a lot of guys, but most, if not my friends, are not my enemies.

    This is even true with a couple where it was REALLY serious.

    They're good guys.

    Papa Spurs, by loving Mama Spurs, has given you security.

    Yes.

    I also love that he's uber-punctual. I once wrote a post entitled "Punctuality Equals Love"
    http://optimistmom.blogspot.com/2005/07/punctuality-equals-love.html


    I loved it!

    Imagine, we who make every effort to be on our best behaviour, which being punctual is certainly a part of, wouldn't do it for those we love most.

    That's me all over. ;(

    Has he arrived safely yet?

    Today, we were startled by a call at 7:01 PM EST sharp.

    Yep. 'Twas he.

    Because he's using his sister's phone and is unused to the cheaper trunk calls of BT these days, he rang off about 2 minutes later.

    But enough to thank my mother for the surprise she packed for him in his carry-on luggage.

    A warm cashmere scarf.

    See what I mean?

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Fri Jan 06, 12:34:00 am GMT-5  

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