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Sundries
...a sweatshop of moxie

Thursday, March 23, 2006

My Ex

I've been very lucky.

Almost all the guys I've been seriously involved with, didn't turn out to be more frog than prince, the moment we went out.

And some stayed that way, even after we stopped going out.

Sadly, not all people have the same experience as I.

In fact, many many people have suffered at the hands of their ex'es, which often makes these folks do some prettyyyy odd things.

Well, get a load of this Spanish-language site!

"Fotos De Mi Ex" is exactly what it says it is: pics of the ex-boyfriends, girlfriends, wives, husbands, lovers all, of the dumped or dumpees.

Now, this is not a work-place friendly site, to say the least.

I've seen more suggestive poses here than in all of that hotel Playboy channel I once ordered -- what? I'm a red-blooded gal. I have needs.

So allow me to show you and to translate for you, some of the more interesting photos posted on that site.

Hell may hath no fury like a woman scorn'd, but I'll tell you, the ratio of photos of ex-girlfriends is about 30 to 1, over the boyfriends.

Jeez. Men are such crybabies! Get over it!


BLOKES





Ex Number 1: "Adrian"
Title: Eres una maricona [You're a fudge-packer]
Message:

Para que aprendas cacho maricona,que a mi no se me deja por el panadero de la esquina aunque tenga el manolete mas grande que yo,guarra¡¡

[(I've posted this...) So you learn, you great big fairy, that you don't leave me for the baker down the street, even though he's got a bigger one than I do, beeatch!

Hot-or-Not Scale: -1.
Photo Reaction: Ick, is that Chewbaka?
Message Reaction: Why am I reminded of that scene in The 40-Year old Virgin? ...now "the baker down the street corner" may not seem like the funniest reference in English, but trust me, it's hilarious in Spanish. This is one bear that should be hibernating.





Ex Number 2: Posted by "Helena"
Title: no aguantaba [I couldn't take it anymore]
Message:

este chico es muy fantasma pero nunca ha sido capaz de aguantarme un polvo entero pero sus amigos si

This guy is a real ghost (cute?) but he has never been able to last a whole love-making session with me -- but his friends sure can.

Hot-or-Not Scale: 6.
Photo Reaction: He couldn't look more of a dick if tried.
Message Reaction: Now we're talking! Spiteful, libellous, down-and-dirty motives for posting this pic. I love it!





Ex Number 3: Posted by "La Maña"
Title: Beach boy
Message:

Era un poco exhibicionista, pero como follaba, sobre todo le gustabahacerlo en la playa, y joder como la tenia! me dejo pq preferia el barça q a mi!cabron!

He was a bit of an exhibitionist but he sure knew how to get it on, especially on the beach, and boy did he have a big one! He left me because he preferred Barcelona [soccer club] over me! Idiot!

Hot-or-Not Scale: 4.
Photo Reaction: Trifling pasty white boy.
Message Reaction: It must suck, when he fancies Ronaldinho Gaucho, AKA Jar-Jar Binks, over you. Ouch.





Ex Number 4: Posted by "Lola"
Title: peazo de cuerpo [Skinny Bones...lit. "fart of a body"]
Message:

este es el cabron de mi ex novio aunque a simple vista parece normal tiene unos ojos preciosos y folla como dios

This is the asswipe of an ex-boyfriend of mine. Even though at first glance he looks normal, he has lovely eyes, and makes love like a god.

Hot-or-Not Scale: 2.
Photo Reaction: I'm speechless. This guys has "restraining order" written all over him.
Message Reaction: I think Lola needs to get out more, and meet more "normal" guys. Like Jeffrey Dahmer.


SLAPPERS





Ex Number 1: "Bella" (Beauty)
Title: LA BUENOTA DE VENEZUELA [The awesome chick from Venezuela]
Message:

ESTA ES UNA MUESTRA DE LAS MUJERES QUE HAY EN VENEZUELA...PARA LOS PANAS...SI HAY!!!

This is just a sample of the women available in Venezuela...for the cool crowd...if there are any!!!

Hot-or-Not Scale: 9.5
Photo Reaction: Okay, I posted this for the male Sundries readers, who can thank me via PayPal, later.
Message Reaction: Come on. She's all plastic and lipo.





Ex Number 2: "Susana"
Title: Adicta al sexo anal [Addicted to anal sex, duh]
Message:

Esta zorrita me la tiré en el servicio de un bar y luego la muy puta se folló a mis 2 amigos a la media hora. La podéis encontrar en la zona de copas de San miguel y en Cantarranas, Pucela

I had this bimbo in the goods lift of a bar, and afterwards this slapper did my 2 friends an half-hour later. You can find her in the booze joints of San Miguel and Cantarranas, Pucela.

Hot-or-Not Scale: 4.
Photo Reaction: Ayy. What a 25 dollar, two-fer night stare.
Message Reaction: Is it me, or is a message like this better written on the wall of the men's toilet, than posted on a website?





Ex Number 3: "Yo, Ya sabes Quien" [Me, you know who]
Title: Carita dulce y corazón amargo [Sweet face and bitter heart]
Message:

Así, dormidita, parece que no ha roto un plato en su vida, pero esta pedazo de ameba con piernas se dedicaba a hacerme sentir mal por cosas que no hacía. El sexo anal, tragarse mi semen y la manipulación mental se le daban muy bien. ¡Ah! Chupóptera de eur

Like this, all sleepy-headed, she looks like she's never broken a plate in her life, but this walking amoeba loved to make me feel bad for stuff I didn't do. Anal sex, swallowing, and mental manipulation all came real easy to her. Ahhh. What a sucktopter of Euros!

Hot-or-Not Scale: 7
Photo Reaction: She looks like a high Courtney Love. Redundant, I know.
Message Reaction: Another "angry" message, although I can't tell you how funny "Chupoptera" is. It's half-way between a vacuum and a panther. Think about it.





Ex Number 3: "xxx"
Title: LA TREPAHOMBRES [The penis-scraper]
Message:

ESOS LABIOS SON SAGRADOS..... ES UNICA PARA HACERMELO ORAL... ESA MAMI ESTA BIEN CULIADA POR TODOS LOS DE LA CUADRA... Y SI LE VIERAN LA CUEVITA ESTA MAS ABIERTA AL PUBLICO QUE UN ESTADIO DE FUTBOL. TE AMO AUN PERRA....


Those lips are sacred...she's the only girl who ever went down on me...this hot mama has been around the block, especially my block...and should you see her cave, it's more open than a football stadium. I love her, the whore.

Hot-or-Not Scale: 2
Photo Reaction: Boring Goth chick. Next.
Message Reaction: I'm guessing this guy is all of 14. He sounds it.

All I can say, after reading these and many other entries on that site is...

Don't be hatin', playas!

4 Comments:

  • Interesting reading to say the least! However, I believe that real men never kiss and tell.

    By Blogger Jose Aguirre, at Thu Mar 23, 11:56:00 am GMT-5  

  • I visited the site you mention for 'research' purposes (as is evidenced by my post on a different thread hereabouts).

    I find it interesting that there are many explicit shots of ex-girlfriends posted, but only a single explicit photo of an ex-boyfriend (and that shot is one of the few photos of either men or women that doesn't show the face of the ex).

    It's an interesting site overall though, some of the captions are humorous from what I understand, others seem rather bitter, even though I don't understand much Spanish, I know nasty and mean when I read it.

    By Blogger XWL, at Sat Mar 25, 12:35:00 am GMT-5  

  • Interesting reading to say the least! However, I believe that real men never kiss and tell.

    That's what Renato told me last night!

    See what a row of fine gentleman, I have around me? ;)

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sat Mar 25, 01:32:00 am GMT-5  

  • I visited the site you mention for 'research' purposes (as is evidenced by my post on a different thread hereabouts).

    Yes. *g*

    That sounds suspiciously like the reason my cousin used once, when I asked him why he had a card showing membership to Stringfellows (best strip club in London).

    "For research".

    Uh-huh. ;)

    I find it interesting that there are many explicit shots of ex-girlfriends posted, but only a single explicit photo of an ex-boyfriend

    I did too, actually XWL.

    And it fact it was so out of character to the rest of the pics, that it did occur to me that it was an uploaded gag from one of the male readers.

    Not that women wouldn't have such a pic around, or had taken one, but likewise, I don't see a woman posting that.

    It isn't a "girl thing". :)

    (and that shot is one of the few photos of either men or women that doesn't show the face of the ex).

    Good point actually!

    Not sure what it means, but I feel instinctively that it is a good point.

    It's an interesting site overall though, some of the captions are humorous from what I understand, others seem rather bitter, even though I don't understand much Spanish, I know nasty and mean when I read it.

    Darling, you can't go far wrong after reading the word "puta". ;)

    Thanks for taking the time to click on that link, XWL.

    I knew I could trust someone to peruse through those many many pics to get a feel for the site!

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sat Mar 25, 01:38:00 am GMT-5  

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