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...a sweatshop of moxie

Saturday, April 30, 2005

Runaway President

By now, almost everyone has sniggered at the Runaway Bride who sheepishly returned to her worried fiancé and family, claiming at first she had been kidnapped by a Hispanic man and a black woman (ooh! good one. Very Susan Smith).

But this story is nothing compared to the one of the Runaway President!

Yes, it seems Severo Moto, the self-styled President-in-exile of Equatorial Guinea, turned up in Madrid on Saturday, a full week after his worried-sick relatives had reported him missing.

Incredibly, he was already married and thus couldn't use that or Hispanics as excuses, because well, almost everyone in Spain is a Hispanic. Except in Asturias, obviously.

Mr. Moto (no relation to Motorola's Mr. Moto or John P. Marquand's character), held reporters spellbound as he recounted a tale of international intrigue, mayhem and skullduggery, which admittedly, is a hard thing to do in the post-Patti Hearst era.

Not only wasn't he asked to take on the nom de guerre of Tanya, but these would-be hitmen of his from Croatia spared his life, Mr. Moto said, because "they didn't want to kill a fellow Catholic".

Awww. See, giving up your Sundays for catechism has its own rewards.

For those unaware, of whose ranks I counted myself until recently, Equatorial Guinea is an oil-rich country, and an ex-colony of Spain.

Current Equatorial Guinea President, Teodoro Obiang, is the person who Mr. Moto is insinuating ordered the hit, but he also allowed the mantle of suspicion to fall on the Spanish Government's slender shoulders by claiming they wanted to be rid of him too, possibly to gain control of these oil reserves.

How? Your guess is as good as mine, and mine is pretty bad.

Let's just say I doubt Mr. Moto is long for Spanish residency, since ex-King Leka of Albania was kicked out of Spain for similar nefarious activities back in the day.

Of course, his activities included allegations of gun-running and amassing a standing army on foreign soil, and clearly Mr. Moto and his kindly Croatian kidnappers are on another level of skullduggery altogether.

I just hope before the public decide to heap scorn and attack this poor man for "selfishness" and wasting tax-payer money in putting up Kinko's flyers and all the lost canine-hours in dogsniffing the Prado, that we remember, it's not easy to elude your captors to leave a quick message on the mobile:

"Hallo Moto?"


  • Quality Equatorial Guinea book:

    By Blogger Jim, at Wed May 04, 12:02:00 am GMT-4  

  • I knew you'd be all over this post like Condi on Rice, Jim!

    (I'm not going to stop using that phrase until I hear it being used somewhere, and know my life's purpose is over)

    Ooh, Tropical Gangsters, eh? I love it. Thank you so much for find that.

    Did you see this listed in the descriptions:

    Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs):

    economic rehabilitation project, cocoa project, percent export tax, foreign aid projects, cocoa farms, cocoa industry, economic officer, cocoa production, technical coordinator, nontraditional exports

    SIPs, I ask you! Ya learn something new every day.


    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed May 04, 08:53:00 am GMT-4  

  • Oh Jim, you can use HTML tags here in the comments section too, such as

    bracket a href="..."bracket STUFF HERE bracket slash a bracket.

    Okay not bracket, this thingie < >. One forgets.



    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed May 04, 08:54:00 am GMT-4  

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