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Sundries
...a sweatshop of moxie

Saturday, January 07, 2006

How Dare They

(This apperitif turned out to be the main course!)

As my mother slept near me (she says her huge, custom-made king-sized bed is too "empty" without you know who), I decided to surprise her when she awoke...

...with an Egg McMuffin!

Very rarely do we have Mickey D's, but our unusually cold weather, in the 40Fs at night if you can believe that, made me realise we needed cheap carbs and potent proteins, as well as caffeine liquid fuel to get us going.

So off I went to McDonald's.

The queue wait was extraordinary, considering that it was ungodly early (almost 10 AM!), and that most people in this party town, are still sleeping off their Fuzzy Navel hangovers.

But maybe others decided to be Super-Sized to warm themselves up, too.



I checked the others in the queue.

An older, well-to-do-looking woman who was dropped-off by a man in a Beemer. She had the only other Hermès bag in the joint (my being the other one, obviously).

A young couple wearing shill suits -- track suits --, who were obviously tourists: they were red-faced enough. Locals go to tanning salons.

A very young black guy, wearing a three piece-suit and an enormous ruby school ring. Hmm, job hunting on a Saturday morning? Good luck.

Then, me.

Decked out uncharacteristically in an University of Miami green hooded sweater thingie, which I wear once a year, if.

I, of course, chose the slow "line". I always do.

But I wasn't in a hurry, even though I wanted to get back into my car to listen to my fave 10 AM Saturday morning radio show, NPR's Car Talk.

They had just gotten to the Colorado woman with the heater which smelt like flatulence and feet, and of course, you don't miss that.

I realised the queue was moving slowly, because the person behind the counter had one of those "Oh God, why do I have to work...anywhere...but especially here" looks on her face.

Dems always trouble.

Soon, it was my go.

I ordered two Egg McMuffin breakfast combos (which I am reliably informed is a "Number 1"), with a hashbrown on the side. My hips will continue to pay.

"Creams and sugars?", she said ungrammatically.

"Yes, 3 CREAM and 6 SUGAR", I emphasised unhealthily. "Oh, and 3 burrito hot sauces, please".

"What?"

"Burrito. Hot Sauce. Three. Please."

"You ain't go no burritos."


This chick was beginning to get up my nose. It's one thing to hate your job. It's another thing to annouce to the world your lack of job qualifications.

"Well, yes, I know. But I put them on my McMuffins", I parried, as upbeat as I could, considering I wanted to strangle her.

"You gotta pay first."

"Well, I wasn't thinking of holding you up", I said with a little laugh, attempting a wee jokey.


Pearls before swine, my friends.

"No, I mean. (points to sign) You gotta pay for extra condiments."

"Okayyyyy. We're in South America now, are we?".

"No, we'ze in Miami Beach."


So help me, I'm bringing a four-by-four next time.

"Quite."

"You still want them?"

"Yesss. Please."

"They 11 cents each", she said, half reaching into the bin for them, half expecting me to go "WHAT! I'm not paying 11 cents each for hot sauce!", which obviously is everyone else's reaction.

"I think I can afford that. You think I got to go (points to hooded sweather thingie) here because I'm on welfare?".


Spare me the "What a snotty brat" remarks. I've heard them all before.

"I don't know about that", she said, putting the sauces into the bag. Finally.

Geez, this took about 8 minutes with all the back-and-forth, and all. I wonder if this happens to men.

But you know, paying extra for condiments made me mindful of wasting them, just like it did when I paid extra in South America.

Instead of slathering on the sauce on the hashbrowns, as per usual, I gingerly dabbed some on, savouring each bite as if it were caviare blinis.

Still. You'd think Ronald could afford to give away the condiments, considering they're such corporate raiders, right Michael Moore?

I let my mother sleep a while longer, before surprising her with her super-expensive breakfast.

I opened the bedroom door, and there they were.

My dog and my mother, snoring gently into each other's ears.

I closed the door. Let them sleep a bit more.

Anyway, a McMuffin is like pizza. One of the few foodstuffs which actually tastes as good cold as hot.

But the hot sauce, I keep.

6 Comments:

  • An Egg McMuffin apperitif?
    What's next, the Mimosa Slushie? KrispyKremeCrystal on a stick?

    Paying extra for Hot Sauce! Don't you know there are children in the Rust Belt starving? ;)

    By Blogger Ron, at Sat Jan 07, 01:14:00 pm GMT-5  

  • ron: "KrispyKremeCrystal on a stick?" mmmMMMMMMmmmmm :D

    Victoria, the only place I'd pay for extra condiments would be Arby's. Love the Horsey Sauce!

    McDonald's still has the best fish sandwich in the business.

    Egg'a'muffin (as Natianl Lampoon's Radio Dinner once put it) is good, but I prefer a sausage/egg/biscuit myself. ; )

    Buy some Picante sauce or Taco sauce, Victoria! If you take your McD's home, use the refrigerated stuff. I do! LOL

    By Anonymous benning, at Sat Jan 07, 02:41:00 pm GMT-5  

  • An Egg McMuffin apperitif?
    What's next, the Mimosa Slushie? KrispyKremeCrystal on a stick?


    *LOL*

    Paying extra for Hot Sauce!

    I'm telling you.

    The funny thing is, now that I reminded, I think I've seen that sign for months now, but no one, until now, had charged me extra.

    Could be that she just didn't like my face, and decided to enforce the strictures.

    Don't you know there are children in the Rust Belt starving? ;)

    Hey, Ron, that's Detroit's problem, not mine!

    We have our own Citric Belt concerns.

    P.S.: Actually, you've inspired a post. Stay tuned!

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sat Jan 07, 03:51:00 pm GMT-5  

  • ron: "KrispyKremeCrystal on a stick?" mmmMMMMMMmmmmm :D

    You know that Missy Elliot would be alllll over KrispyKremeCyrstal.

    Victoria,

    Yes, Benning my angel? ;)

    Wow, there's a lot of stuff you covered here. Let me address it.

    "Dear Stuff"

    the only place I'd pay for extra condiments would be Arby's.

    Do you know, that I've only had Arby's once in my life.

    It sucked...no offence if you like it.

    But now I know why there is only, TTBOMK, one Arby's left in Dade County.

    Near Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen's (R-Fla) office in Kendall, oddly enough!

    I know, because my ex and I once went to met here there, and stopped at Arby's (hence my visit).

    Love the Horsey Sauce!

    Wow, that requires an explanation.

    Is there really a sauce called that, or are you making a sarcastic reference to their Roast Beef sam'wich? ;)

    McDonald's still has the best fish sandwich in the business.

    Actually, I totally agree with you!

    The best part is that it's not nutritious at all, being fried to within of its life, but all the more tasty for it!

    Egg'a'muffin (as Natianl Lampoon's Radio Dinner once put it)

    Oh cool. I didn't know the term nor the show.

    is good, but I prefer a sausage/egg/biscuit myself. ; )

    I'm en equal opportunity eater. I have that too. ;)

    The one thing I won't have, is the Mickey D's burgers. They're evil on the hips.

    Haven't had one going on a dozen years.

    Buy some Picante sauce or Taco sauce, Victoria! If you take your McD's home, use the refrigerated stuff. I do! LOL

    Well if I'm going to be charged up the wazoo, I may have to consider it.

    11 cents my sweet tamale!

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sat Jan 07, 03:58:00 pm GMT-5  

  • I've quit going to Micky D's because of something in the book "Fast Food Nation." He pointed out that you can't even buy a meal like you could when I was growing up; everything is bigger sized, to the point of being absurd. It's hard to try and lose the weight, but as a first step, I simply said: no more Micky D's! There are many more steps to go however...

    By Blogger Ron, at Sat Jan 07, 04:38:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Horsey Sauce is Arby's version of a creamy horseradish sauce. I like it on roast beef. In fact I like it on fries! Heheheee!

    I worked at an Arby's in Pennsylvania many, many years ago. Got to be the slicer. That meant I sliced for my own meal sandwiches. (At this Arby's the owner gave his employees one free sandwich, one free large fries, and two free drinks. Daily. Heaven!) I like the meat there, and I made some BIG sandwiches! Heheheeee!

    I don't buy McD's burgers 'cause they taste like ... well, like ... hmmm, they don't actually have any flavor, do they? The bun does, the toppings do, the condiments do, but the meat ... whoaaaa. No flavor at all! Wow! I just realized! LOL

    Checkers for me, if I go fast food. Otherwise I make my own with garlic salt and onions, and broil 'em! Yeah!

    By Anonymous benning, at Sat Jan 07, 08:29:00 pm GMT-5  

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