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Sundries
...a sweatshop of moxie

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Obscene

(Welcome, Noonzwire readers! And hey, I got to Slithering Reptile thanks to you all yesterday, smooch!)

My cable bill, that's what.

Saturday, I paid upwards of 235 US dollars for one month's worth of televisual feasting.

Believe me, if you choked back a cry of pain as you read that, it's nothing compared to what my parents say, when they see it monthly.

I have to explain, however.

This enormous sum is inflated, because I bought the NHL Centre-Ice season package, parceled into three months.

This means my usual cable bill, however, hovers maniacally around $200, all told.

As the cable rep told me on the phone,

"Wow, miss, you have everything we offer."

Indeed.

Minus the Chinese and Russian premium cable channels, although I have the Hispanic package which includes TVE of Spain, SUR of South America newscasts, and a host of Chilean, Colombian, and Argentinian channels.

I also have Brazil's Globo, which sets us back over $19.95 per month.

I, obviously for a cinephile, also have every cinema premium channel, including HBO, Skinemax, Show-me-a-good-time, The Moaning Channel, Encsnore, and Scarz!...

...as well as that noxiously bleeding heart, knee-jerk commie excuse to rip Dubya a new one every day, the Sundance Channel. I love that channel!

BBC America is also included, but we find that channel a complete waste of microwave tranmission.

I mean, Benny Hill? Keeping up Appearances? Are you Being Served?...? What, is this the 1970s or the year 2006??

Where's the footie, as my dad always complains about. Never mind that Grandstand folded years ago, he wants to see it.

All these channels I get, but also, my broadband is included in the price.

I'm not sure we're getting so hosed, but it does feel like it.

How much is your cable bill, or are you one of the avis raras out there, who don't as yet have cable?

I've heard about you. You're all going to hell.

30 Comments:

  • details

    USD $140/month

    Includes, 2 digital cable boxes
    HBO, SHO, Cinemax, TMC, Flix

    And our digital cable package automatically comes with Footie (courtesy Fox Soccer Channel (used to be Fox Sports International or some such).
    (85th minute of Arsenal 7, Middlesbrough 0 on my telly at this moment, think Arsenal might just pull this one off, not live coverage, but they do show live coverage when available)

    And if that doesn't suit your fancy we get GolTV which shows various Latinate leagues in Espanol (Italian, Mexico, Argentina, etc.)

    Also high-speed internet included in above price.

    So the difference is, no extra sports packages, fewer movie channels, no premium Int'l packages, and a chunk of change each month.

    Hope that informs.

    By Blogger XWL, at Sun Jan 15, 05:47:00 am GMT-5  

  • Double checked, the $140 is before taxes/city fees, so the actual total is $165/month (our city loves tacking on fees).

    And checked the fixtures for yesterday and today, the match I saw the end of was from Sat, and the Wigan v. West Brom (13:30 in England) match this afternoon will be shown on about a 5 hour delay (10AM PST) (though as I mentioned in a long ago thread Santa Monica bristles with Brit ExPats (or even current Pats on holiday) so there may be live showings at local pubs if pre-dawn rowdiness is your fancy (5:30AM start, with beer being served with breakfast at 6:00AM (first call, state law prohibits alcohol sale from 2AM-6AM))

    (and this bit about 'two countries separated by a common tongue' never seems more true than when discussing footie/soccer)

    By Blogger XWL, at Sun Jan 15, 06:10:00 am GMT-5  

  • Welcome to Victoria and XWL's football blog!

    Never connected your screenname to this side, until reading this post at The Maternal Optimist.

    Looking at the schedule, looks like FSC doesn't show Tottenham (they are part of the PPV package though)(Still not my kind of Football)

    Looks like the 'Spurs had a spot of trouble this week, but should bounce back next match.

    By Blogger XWL, at Sun Jan 15, 07:19:00 am GMT-5  

  • a mere $50 USD...but no super frills!

    I love the image of you having so many channels, Victoria! If you only had the Russian channel...do they have a Sunday morning 'hangover' show? Blinis and borscht for breakfast?

    By Blogger Ron, at Sun Jan 15, 09:59:00 am GMT-5  

  • I bought the NHL Centre-Ice season package

    I'm not sure if I'm merely green with envy, or if I'm simply smitten. I haven't seen a hockey game in months *sobs*. Yes, I know, OLN is carrying games, but I don't follow OLN enough to keep in mind when the games are on.

    Not that it matters, my Pens majorly SUXORS this year...ah, another #1 pick next June.

    By Anonymous I R A Darth Aggie, at Sun Jan 15, 10:40:00 am GMT-5  

  • Mine is $85.00 and I get everything you get.

    Well, not really. Would you adopt me or something, please?

    Actually, it's what those around these parts call Basic & Extended Basic, plus cable modem.
    That's why I haven't a clue when Ann talks Six Feet Under and other HBO jargon.

    I've heard about you. You're all going to hell.

    I expect, if not for this, then something else. Hope they have cable.

    By Blogger Paul, at Sun Jan 15, 12:03:00 pm GMT-5  

  • USD $140/month

    Still pricey for many people reading this, I shouldn't wonder, but much, much better than mine.

    Includes, 2 digital cable boxes
    HBO, SHO, Cinemax, TMC, Flix


    Wow. That's good.

    Ours includes two cable boxes, and as I say, everything.

    But drat it if they don't give me the Fox Movie Network (or whatever it's called). I heard that's good.

    And our digital cable package automatically comes with Footie (courtesy Fox Soccer Channel (used to be Fox Sports International or some such).

    It's on digital too, part of the Sports package (GolTV, FSE -- the Spanish version --) etc.

    Hey, do you get the gay channel, for lack of a better term?

    It's called "Logo".

    I've asked around, and it seems no one else has it. Gee, that's a surprise. ;)

    (It's okay -- we have the Catholic Channel, EWTN, so it counterbalances everything)

    (85th minute of Arsenal 7, Middlesbrough 0 on my telly at this moment, think Arsenal might just pull this one off, not live coverage, but they do show live coverage when available)

    I didn't bother to watch that. Watching the Arse for me, is like getting chlamydia for others.

    No fun.

    Good to know you are though!

    And if that doesn't suit your fancy we get GolTV which shows various Latinate leagues in Espanol (Italian, Mexico, Argentina, etc.)

    And Brazil, yes. :)

    I'm so happy you get that! Do you get ESPN-Deportes too?

    Watching Sportscentre in Spanish is the most hilarious thing you can think of, the first time you watch it.

    "Doo-doo-doo. Doo-doo-doo. En la projima hora de Sportscentre, booyeah! Vamos!"

    Also high-speed internet included in above price.

    Good.

    So the difference is, no extra sports packages, fewer movie channels, no premium Int'l packages, and a chunk of change each month.

    Hurts.

    Hope that informs.

    I loved having a peak at your cable bill, thanks XWL!

    Though, I notice you didn't say one peep about Playboy, Spice, etc.

    Hmmmmmmmmm.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sun Jan 15, 01:28:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Double checked, the $140 is before taxes/city fees, so the actual total is $165/month (our city loves tacking on fees).

    Ouch! Santa Monica just kills ya.

    And checked the fixtures for yesterday and today, the match I saw the end of was from Sat, and the Wigan v. West Brom (13:30 in England)

    Please. Give yourself a break, and miss this one.

    It's the battle of the relegatees.

    It'll be FT, 0-0...

    match this afternoon will be shown on about a 5 hour delay (10AM PST) (though as I mentioned in a long ago thread Santa Monica bristles with Brit ExPats (or even current Pats on holiday) so there may be live showings at local pubs if pre-dawn rowdiness is your fancy (5:30AM start, with beer being served with breakfast at 6:00AM (first call, state law prohibits alcohol sale from 2AM-6AM))

    Wow, really? Our hours are 3 AM to 6 AM, but there are after-hours bars.

    I don't drink, but it seems to me, somehow they serve booze, or else why be a bar open that late, right?

    (and this bit about 'two countries separated by a common tongue' never seems more true than when discussing footie/soccer)

    Oh yes. And also hoteliering (sp?).

    Like when the kindly B&B owner offers to knock you up in the morning.

    Still, the differences between many Spanish-speaking countries and Spain, seems to be greater, and Portuguese and Brazilians even more.

    Of course, if you get a guy from Arkansas and a Glaswegian in the same room, run for the hills.

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sun Jan 15, 01:35:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Welcome to Victoria and XWL's football blog!

    Heh, anytime, believe me.

    We have JSU, Renato, Robert, Brother Darryl and many others who are hard-core soccer lovers, here!

    Never connected your screenname to this side, until reading this post at The Maternal Optimist.

    Si. :)

    Looks like the 'Spurs had a spot of trouble this week, but should bounce back next match.

    Liverpool are a very hard team for us to crack, traditionally.

    And it was at Anfield. I never expected to win, but I did think a draw (tie in American parlance) was possible.

    Ah well.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sun Jan 15, 01:38:00 pm GMT-5  

  • a mere $50 USD...but no super frills!

    That's what my parents were paying before I got here!

    The first thing I did, despite not being very into television, as you might remember, is to add all the cable channels I could, back in 1999, or so.

    My parents didn't watch TV at all, but as ever with the boob-toob, it gets you eventually.

    Now my dad watches news and sport, and my mother, Fashion TV and the Lifetime channel (which I loathe!).

    I love the image of you having so many channels, Victoria!

    With me, it's about choice, choice! Remember my great-grannie's story. ;)

    It's not that I ever watch Showtime3 or whatever, but I like the fact that technically, it's there should I ever want it.

    And even though I have allllll these channels, would you believe it, I also have the 2-DVD Moviepass per month, from Blockbuster?

    I'm telling, I'm hardcore.

    If you only had the Russian channel...

    I had it! For a month. :)

    I wanted to see what was up with it, and if my one-semester of Russian could keep up (it couldn't), but even with my basic language skills, I got the impression it was a really really bad channel.

    Basically, it's anchor show was a Jerry Springer-like talk show, where some Russian gospodina with huge Jackie O Chanel glasses held forth for 2 hours.

    By the panelists, I could tell the shows were about government corruption, the lowering standards of youth behaviour, bad wages for civil servants, etc. etc.

    No paternity tests that I could see, but maybe I missed it. :)

    I had it for one month, at $9.95. It was quite enough.

    do they have a Sunday morning 'hangover' show? Blinis and borscht for breakfast?

    That's what that caviare show was about. Duhhh.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sun Jan 15, 01:45:00 pm GMT-5  

  • I'm not sure if I'm merely green with envy, or if I'm simply smitten.

    Both, I hope! ;)

    I haven't seen a hockey game in months *sobs*.

    I knew at the start of the season, when I found out ESPN2 wasn't going to carry them any more, that surely, I would be sobbing same as you.

    So I ordered it.

    Yes, I know, OLN is carrying games, but I don't follow OLN enough to keep in mind when the games are on.

    Exactly. I haven't tuned into OLN all this season to watch hockey at all.

    I only ever turn it on for Lance and the TdF. Now...forget it.

    And oh, I really miss John Buccigros -- sp? - and Barry Melrose's mullet on ESPN2. :(

    Not that it matters, my Pens majorly SUXORS this year...ah, another #1 pick next June.

    You have the Next One, so hush!

    Gosh, he's great, isn't he? Spezza my foot.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sun Jan 15, 01:49:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Mine is $85.00 and I get everything you get.

    Nice. :)

    Well, not really.

    Tease.

    Would you adopt me or something, please?

    As long as I can be your molesting auntie, sure!

    Actually, it's what those around these parts call Basic & Extended Basic, plus cable modem.

    That's probably what my "folks" would have, if they convinced me to ditch the digital cable and go with the normal box.

    That's why I haven't a clue when Ann talks Six Feet Under and other HBO jargon.

    Ohh, I see.

    Yes. Not that I have ever seen that show or the Lisa Kudrow she's always on about, but technically, I could I suppose.

    No wonder you and she don't "fit", that much.

    I expect, if not for this, then something else. Hope they have cable.

    I also hope you go to heaven.

    I heard in hell you only get the rabbit ears.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sun Jan 15, 01:53:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Wow, that is high! I have DirecTV for $95/mo. which includes more channels than anyone should watch, including the HBO, Cinemax, ones, etc. My FastAccess internet is with Bellsouth for $40/mo so total savings of $100/mo when compared to Victoria!

    By Blogger Jose Aguirre, at Sun Jan 15, 02:38:00 pm GMT-5  

  • On the other hand, if you bought 2 tickets to one musical in New York City each month you'd be paying over $200 for that, not including transportation/parking, etc.

    By Blogger Mark Kaplan, at Sun Jan 15, 02:49:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Well, I feel positively primeval.

    Our cable bill is around $40 (incl. taxes etc...). All we get is high-speed Internet - we have no cable at all.

    We do have Netflix, though. Does that raise me up a little?

    By Blogger Jennifer, at Sun Jan 15, 03:42:00 pm GMT-5  

  • I'm not actually a Soccer fan, just was doing research and sating curiosity. (Snooker on the other hand, wish they'd show Snooker here, and wish there was a good Snooker table at my local billiards haunt)

    ESPN Deportes, it's available on a premium spanish language package, no fluent espanol speakers in our household so don't buy it.

    LOGO, Yes, we get the LOGO channel, but haven't watched much other than the Wonderfalls repeats.

    By Blogger XWL, at Sun Jan 15, 05:20:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Wow, that is high!

    Yeah. :(

    Maybe I should have a PayPal button, like Iowahawk has for beer.

    "Keep Victoria's cable bill down by contributing...here"

    I have DirecTV for $95/mo. which includes more channels than anyone should watch, including the HBO, Cinemax, ones, etc.

    You probably have that Fox movie channel at that.

    And you probably have my wet dream of a channel -- RAI Int'l from Italy.

    Ooh, to have that channel. *drool*

    My FastAccess internet is with Bellsouth for $40/mo so total savings of $100/mo when compared to Victoria!

    Bellsouth is what almost all my neighbours have.

    But, tbh Jose, my father needs careful money handling.

    When I got my computer, I knew I needed broadband, or perish with the slow dial-up, which you can't have in a two-doctor family anyway, since when you're on call, the line can't be engaged all the time.

    So it just seemed more psychologically savvy to add it on my cable bill.

    I don't rightly think dad understands what exactly he's paying for.

    Like most "head of households", he works.

    We play.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sun Jan 15, 07:53:00 pm GMT-5  

  • On the other hand, if you bought 2 tickets to one musical in New York City each month you'd be paying over $200 for that, not including transportation/parking, etc.

    Two years back, when Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick (my childhood hero, Ferris Buehler...God, I loved that film), had announced they would return to their much-vaunted roles in The Producers.

    I had begged my mother, should that ever happen, she and I would go and watch it in NYC.

    And we did -- almost to the day today, a cold blustery January night.

    The tickets had been impossible to get, but we got them through friends of my mother (around what you mention), and we stayed at the Algonquin Hotel for 2 days -- largely because I absolutely love Dorothy Parker, Alexander Woollcot, et. al., and had always wanted to stay there.

    The two-day stay, incl. return flight, cost my mother around $2,000. :(

    Shame about the Russian Tea Room though...

    P.S.: I haven't seen the film version yet. I've been told it sucks, and since I found them phenomenal in person, I don't want to have my heartbroken, you know?

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sun Jan 15, 07:58:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Well, I feel positively primeval.

    You mean, you stick a wire hanger in the antenna slot like King John used to???

    Our cable bill is around $40 (incl. taxes etc...). All we get is high-speed Internet - we have no cable at all.

    Wow, no cable.

    Come here my pretty. *witch's cackle* I have a nice apple to show you.

    We do have Netflix, though. Does that raise me up a little?

    Maybe I will deign to speak to you now, Jennifer.

    But don't push your luck!

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sun Jan 15, 08:02:00 pm GMT-5  

  • I'm not actually a Soccer fan, just was doing research and sating curiosity.

    Good. That's the best compliment you could give me, even if its unintended.

    One of my great loves in life is being motivated to find out about something, after I hear it of it from someone.

    Quick example: Bob Dylan via Althouse.

    Didn't know anything about him outside of his autobio (which is very unlinear), until that famous thread about his PBS documentary.

    Then I re-read his autobio, looked up the links someone posted, and felt I know Rightwing Bob more now.

    (Snooker on the other hand, wish they'd show Snooker here, and wish there was a good Snooker table at my local billiards haunt)

    Oh goodness. You and my dad would get on like a house ablaze.

    ESPN Deportes, it's available on a premium spanish language package, no fluent espanol speakers in our household so don't buy it.

    Ah, right.

    LOGO, Yes, we get the LOGO channel, but haven't watched much other than the Wonderfalls repeats.

    Both my parents (despite leaning distinctly left politically) are very conservative people in their private lives -- not a breath of scandal, unless you count that time my mother got tipsy near the Royal Enclosure once.

    Soo...one day, my dad was flicking the channels and saw that rather huge lesbian comic with the Italian name (I forget) officiating at some gay function, which included kissing, hugging, etc.

    He turned several shades of white, asked my mother to check it out, she saw it -- the next thing I know, I get a memo asking me to do something about it.

    "Like what?", I wrote back.
    "Tell them to cancel it".
    "Cancel it? What? You can't pick and choose!".

    So I blocked it from the lineup with the V-chip digital thingie. :)

    First time in HISTORY, a cable box has been parent-proofed.

    Tipper Gore would've plotzed.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sun Jan 15, 08:11:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Oh.

    I forgot to mention -- we are a close family, but like all families, we have our peculiarities which probably make others smile.

    One of them is, whenever we need to tell each other something unpleasant, embarrassing, or something which might be overly emotional, we do so through the written word.

    Memo. It's a nice concept, people.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sun Jan 15, 08:14:00 pm GMT-5  

  • And you probably have my wet dream of a channel -- RAI Int'l from Italy.

    Actually no, don't think I get that one! But I am curious about their programming given your description....

    By Blogger Jose Aguirre, at Sun Jan 15, 09:54:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Actually no, don't think I get that one! But I am curious about their programming given your description....

    Oh yes, you'll love it, Jose!

    RAI stands for "Randy Amateur Interpolsluts".

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sun Jan 15, 10:09:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Nah, I figure it's a soccer channel, but an Interpolsluts version would probably do very well, even if just amateurs!

    By Blogger Jose Aguirre, at Sun Jan 15, 10:17:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Nah, I figure it's a soccer channel,

    Your clever suspicions turn out to be half correct.

    RAI has Serie A coverage, and how, but it's just like saying ABC, BBC, or CBC (or TVE in Spain): namely, a network.

    Unlike ABC, but like the other ones listed above...it's a "state" or public entity.

    Can you imagine the uproar if Dubya had any input in appointing the ABC Chairman?

    Thank God for privatisation.

    but an Interpolsluts version would probably do very well, even if just amateurs!

    It's the amateur bit that makes it more authentic. ;)

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sun Jan 15, 11:56:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Wait a second, wait a second. Hold on a moment. You mean to say you live in Miami, a city full of Cubans, la ciudad de el "resolver", and you still dont have "La Cajita? for watching tv"

    By Blogger Val Prieto, at Mon Jan 16, 12:12:00 pm GMT-5  

  • $90/month tax incl. from Rogers cable in Canada.

    Thats gets you hi-speed internet, all the regular channels, digital cable terminal, Rai Intl & Fox Sports World. (Still need to sign up for gol tv Canada)

    It's not that bad and you can save 10-15% by locking in for 2 years.

    By Blogger Renato, at Mon Jan 16, 12:46:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Wait a second, wait a second. Hold on a moment. You mean to say you live in Miami, a city full of Cubans, la ciudad de el "resolver", and you still dont have "La Cajita? for watching tv"

    Bweno!

    Actually, I have Dos Cajitas, not just una.

    My ex-Cubanito-Americano boyfriend, Jorge, got them for us, from el primo Orly de Hialeah.

    They are analogue though.

    Unfortunately, there is no cajita TTBOMK, for digital cable.

    Also, when we had satellite TV, had one of those illegal cards that you buy in Canada to get all the channels for free.

    But then the condo board told us to take the satellite down, since it mars the "integrity" of the building.

    Come-tu-sabes-que!

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Mon Jan 16, 01:09:00 pm GMT-5  

  • $90/month tax incl. from Rogers cable in Canada.

    Yes, but with RAI Int'l!

    Thats gets you hi-speed internet, all the regular channels, digital cable terminal, Rai Intl & Fox Sports World. (Still need to sign up for gol tv Canada)

    That's very good, too, despite no GolTV.

    Also you have Telelatina, which shows or used to show Serie A, right?

    As for RAI, tell Sundries what Canadians of Italian extraction said when RAI Int'l came to Canada recently. ;)

    It's not that bad and you can save 10-15% by locking in for 2 years.

    Do you have to be in the same residence?

    Although I'm sure Canadians don't move as much as Americans seem to.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Mon Jan 16, 01:14:00 pm GMT-5  

  • My ironic comment:

    I don't have any cable...
    And I work on tv!

    p.

    By Blogger patricio lopez, at Wed Jan 18, 12:26:00 am GMT-5  

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