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Sundries
...a sweatshop of moxie

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Girls Gone Wild

NOTE: Please scroll below for more Tuesday posts. And check the other blogposts for my updated replies.

I have pondered about this for as many years as I've been conscious about fashion, but let me ask you:

What is it about us gals, eh?

We just love to critique, and more to the point, hear about critiques regarding how other women dress.

It never, ever gets old.

Here I am, watching a REPEAT of an Oscars Fashion Police show on E!, because I just cannot get enough of what other people are saying about the dresses on parade last night.

Now you have to understand:

At no point do we who are not red carpet invitees, look as good as the people who were there in Hollywood last night, even the really tacky ones like Lauren Hutton, who was rocking this Navajo fanny pack. Just hideous!

(See??)

Most of the women who watch these shows are dressed in such a way, that if you were to look at them making fun of the togs worn by these ladies, you would laugh.

Just laugh.

We're a bevy of rollers, no makeup, do-rags and unshaven legs, the likes of which haven't been seen since Carol Burnett did her cleaning lady routine.

Who are we to make fun of Helena Bonham-Carter, the Corpse Bride?

(Wait, it gets better!)

Now -- in the interests of full-disclosure, I have to come clean with my readers.

I am currently dressed in what my mother calls my "Blogger Uniform", a decent facsimile of which is found below.



As you can imagine by my fashionplate mother's plaintive moans, I wear such a laid-back combo, almost without variation, every time I sit down to write you up a post.

Look, it's comfortable, and it doesn't chafe my runner's thighs, okay? Quit riding me!

But even so...even so, I feel I have all the right in the world to point and giggle at the dress-up miscues, whenever other women are on show.

It's not about money either. Millionaire I am far far from being, but I can afford a Versace gown. Just.

It's not about just plain jealousy, as though I cannot approach some Hollywood beauties, like my new favourite, Jessica Alba, but I do okay for myself when I try.

No, there's something else at work, here. A happy alignment of being socialised to be catty, and being given endless opportunities to compare and share.

Yet, my own vituperative tongue is, I realise, no substitute for actually hearing others talk about these same women.

I think it's a combination of the originality of the malice of the criticism, plus a shock-value of actually hearing something being said, which you hadn't even thought of in your own head, that sends us into paroxysms of laughter.

I don't know if men do this to each other; not about clothes, but about other, more unfathomably male things, but if you do, please let me know.

No wonder men compare each other's engine blocks and torque.

Women are from Saks. Men are from Meineke.

Okay, here's an example of what I am talking about.

This enchanting creature is of course, Charlize Theron, late of South Africa. The angry seafoam dress with dramatic bow shoulder accent she is wearing is a John Galliano redesign of a vintage Christian Dior dress.



People either loved it. Or hated it. And guess what?

I thought it was DIVINE.

But the fashonista constables over at E! Television ripped into her like that tornado did the flying cow in Twister.

Said one sofa bandit:

"Number 1: She looks like the goodie bag given out at the Oscars. Number 2, did she bring an inflatable pillow for a sleepover?"

And though I have just told you I LOVED Charlize Theron's dress, I started laughing so hard, I almost fell out of my rollers and face cream.

Worse! You know what I shouted at the screen?

"It's true! She looks like an Aero bed!"

Now, I still love the dress.

But I love hearing other people vent their dislike of her dress all the same.

This is uniquely, uniquely feminine, in a way hard to express.

But you ladies out there, who are reading this, know exactly what I am talking about.

And for pity's sake. Moisturise.

6 Comments:

  • I am currently dressed in what my mother calls my "Blogger Uniform", a decent facsimile of which is found below.

    Facsimile? We don't want to see a facsimile! How about a picture of the real thing?

    By Blogger Jose Aguirre, at Tue Mar 07, 09:23:00 am GMT-5  

  • Leno said Theron looked like the commercial with a Lexus given as a Christmas gift having a huge bow on top.

    Why do people watch such affairs?

    originality of the malice of the criticism

    God, you're good.

    By Blogger Paul, at Tue Mar 07, 10:25:00 am GMT-5  

  • Facsimile? We don't want to see a facsimile! How about a picture of the real thing?

    Watch this space!

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Mar 08, 01:48:00 am GMT-5  

  • Leno said Theron looked like the commercial with a Lexus given as a Christmas gift having a huge bow on top.

    LOL!

    And yet...and yet...that's a funny commentary, but not a catty one.

    I still like it, though.

    Leno and Letterman tap into a kinder American unconscious, that encourages them to make fun of politics without seeming partisan.

    That was Johnny Carson's greatest legacy, perhaps.

    And those of us who may like this or that president, still realise it's healthy to make fun of people at times. :)

    God, you're good.

    And your new avatar is ADORABLE, Paul.

    I could scrunch your little face up and tickle you all over!

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Mar 08, 01:51:00 am GMT-5  

  • Leno strays so far afield from the facts that he becomes the only thing he seeks, funny.

    And your new avatar is ADORABLE, Paul.

    I could scrunch your little face up and tickle you all over!


    Thank you.
    I don't think I'm worthy of going to Heaven.

    By Blogger Paul, at Wed Mar 08, 08:35:00 am GMT-5  

  • Oooh, that uniform leaves a lot to the imagination :)

    How else will women put down other women to stand out for potential male mates? Like any other male I would prefer that women hash it out by mudfighting (or maybe catfighting) but sadly, that's just not going to happen!

    Coincidentally it's International Women's Day so congrats to all those eligible.:)

    By Blogger Renato, at Wed Mar 08, 11:55:00 am GMT-5  

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