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Sundries
...a sweatshop of moxie

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Dear P!nk

In Humble Response to P!nk from Miss America Joe Blow Q. Public

Dear P!nk
Come take a walk with me
Let's pretend we're just two people and
You're not better than me
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly

What do you feel when you see all the stupid celebs in clubs
Who do you pray for before you go to sleep
And are your dreams like your shots, cheap
Are you proud

Go to the Viper Room, you'll see them there
Stupid celebs
Spitting at stalkerazzi
So all the little people stare

Where have all my Hollywood heroes left
They're pontificating next to Kanye West
I would give anything to have Claud Rains
If it for once would shut up Natalie Maines
Where, oh where, have the real stars gone?
Oh where, oh where could they be?

Where is my Bette Davis, I now have Geena Davis
Where is my Jimmy Stewart, you can keep your Jon Stewart
Where is my Spencer Tracy, I'm O.D'ed on William H. Macy
Where is my Cary Grant, Hugh is a substitute poor
Where is my Dinah Shore, I'm stuck with Alecia Beth Moore

Where, oh where, have the real stars gone?
Oh where, oh where could they be?

I can't deal with George Clooney
Who wouldn't rather have Mickey Rooney
I'll take my Barrymores without the Drew
Glad to see Paris and Nicole aren't through
Rosie is no replacement for Ethel Merman
(She was just channelling Anna May Wong, is that so wrong?
Ching-Chong)
But for stars with talent, we're surely hurtin'

Stars with substance not followed by "abuse"
Stars with ideas, not just opinions
Stars who left everything out there, not held something back
Stars who hit their cues, paying their dues
Stars with the goods, stars with heart
Can't we just wipe the slate clean, and restart

There's no one like this today, it's a crying shame
Stars of flair, not just passing fame

But you wanna use your fame as a bully pulpit
Lecturing the little people
And we have to gulp it
We pay your mortgage, we pay your Hummer
If we boycott your work
It's not a total bummer
Cannes will still give you a Palme D'or
(What else are the French good for?)

If we react, you claim we're reactionaries
If we don't react, why we're just sheep
That Matt Damon thinks we're not that deep
Both Dhimmicrat and Freep
If we don't laugh at Borat
You'll say we didn't get the joke
He's a genius, He's using satire, He's just a Jewish bloke
We take it upside the head, we're your punching bag
You sing in concert
You sing in solo
"America is always frikkin' wrong"
Oh P!nk, we've all heard that stupid song

How do you sleep at night
Do you dream of the red carpet
Blazed in rented Harry Winston and Doc Martens
Do you smirk at the little people wanting your autograph
When I dream of Doug Fairbanks and Vitagraph

Where, oh where, have the real stars gone?
Oh where, oh where could they be?

Dear P!nk
You'd never take a walk with me
Or take me into your limo
You'd never talk to me
I'm not down with your views
You'd never talk to me
Unless you'd get good reviews
Would you

So save your laments and go stand back next to 50 Cent


26 Comments:

  • I'm really pissed I couldn't fit in Ruth Buzzi.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Thu Dec 14, 05:37:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Wow, that was great Vic!!! Get ready to write one for the soon to come fidel's death!!! See you at Versailles!

    By Blogger Jose Aguirre, at Thu Dec 14, 06:34:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Wow, that was great Vic!!!

    Thanks, Jose! :)

    Talking of channelling, I was inspired by the best:

    Cole Porter's Anything Goes.

    Yeah, I wish. But then so does P!nk.

    Get ready to write one for the soon to come fidel's death!!! See you at Versailles!

    Yay!!!

    I can't wait, and yes, dammit, I am being ghoulish about it.

    My entire ex-boyfriend's family were tortured, separated from their families, imprisoned, exiled by this torturer -- and he will pay one day.

    Conga line on me!!

    P.S.: I just passed by the Holocaust Memorial in SoBe (you know, near the Publix), where I saw this enormous group of celebrants, but didn't see any Cuban flags.

    Was it el Chou Cubano, I wonder???

    P.P.S.: I tried to take a pic, but a woman cop who was there directing traffic told me, "Stop eating sh*t, and move." Hehe, esa fue Cubana.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Thu Dec 14, 07:51:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Allow me Vic!

    And Federline!, they make a fuss he,
    isn't fit
    for the hair net,
    of sweet Ruth Buzzi

    By Blogger Ron, at Fri Dec 15, 12:25:00 am GMT-5  

  • Although, I must admit, I don't think stars of yesteryear (yikes, I mistakenly wrote "yeasteryear"!) were all that less liberal than todays! How much? How little? I'm not sure.

    There were certainly plenty of goofy political views, and cheap sleazery back in the day as well, we've just let the studio PR departments clean it up.

    Is this endemic to actors? I wonder.

    By Blogger Ron, at Fri Dec 15, 12:31:00 am GMT-5  

  • And Federline!, they make a fuss he,
    isn't fit
    for the hair net,
    of sweet Ruth Buzzi


    LOL!

    Hang on, let's work with it for a mo'. Let's see...

    No name stars like Federline
    Get them off my TV
    What a waste of time
    Dinah Washington be hatin' on the The Black Eyed Peas
    I'd dump 'em all for the hairnet of Ruth Buzzi


    Ooh, Ron!

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Fri Dec 15, 12:39:00 am GMT-5  

  • Although, I must admit, I don't think stars of yesteryear (yikes, I mistakenly wrote "yeasteryear"!) were all that less liberal than todays! How much? How little? I'm not sure.

    There were certainly plenty of goofy political views, and cheap sleazery back in the day as well, we've just let the studio PR departments clean it up.

    Is this endemic to actors? I wonder.


    To actors, no, but to "celebrities":

    In our tortured modern-sense, which includes the likes of Darla Conger, and any poor schmuck whom the media decides to highlight with face time longer than their talents would've given them in the past.

    Your point about the liberalism of stars is another good one, but I hope no one thinks this is about libs v. neocons, or any of that ridiculous jargon.

    I'm just as pissed at Toby Keith for mouthing off with his anti-Natalie Maines rhetoric, as I am with that weaselette. I would've been with Adolphe Menjou too, and frankly, I'm not much for the Duke either.

    The thing of it is, people of his political stripes are MUCH MUCH less in the business, perhaps because of the very nature of their art -- self-expression, protest, rebellion against society.

    I blame the Vietnam Era and Watergate.
    I blame the hippies.
    I blame academia.

    And I blame me -- for not raising a voice earlier.

    Before that, Americans left and right had no trouble respecting their country, their leaders, and their values.

    And they said so, just as loudly as Katharine Hepburn, Henry Fonda, and Lauren Bacall on the far left of Hollywood.

    Alas, as a wise woman from the Grand Ol' Opry once said, not no more.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Fri Dec 15, 12:49:00 am GMT-5  

  • P.S.:

    Psst! Originally, I had "Charlie Chaplin and Vitagraph". You don't need three guesses, to know why I took him out.

    Anyway, give me Pickfair! But we're stuck with Neverland Ranch...

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Fri Dec 15, 12:54:00 am GMT-5  

  • BTW, it's great to have you back and posting Victoria. I am fond enough in your presence; when you are absent, is when I wane. ( I hope all crisis have worked themselves out to your benefit.)

    I have often wondered how much of the fight between Kate Hepburn and Ginger Rogers on the RKO lot was due to their very, very different views of the world.

    The thing of it is, people of his political stripes are MUCH MUCH less in the business, perhaps because of the very nature of their art -- self-expression, protest, rebellion against society.

    Yet there are a surprising number of righties in the biz, like James Woods, among others.


    I blame the Vietnam Era and Watergate.
    I blame the hippies.
    I blame academia.


    Me too. I am appalled at how many of my academic friends say the word "patriotism" like an obscenity, and obscenities like they would say "Good Morning", which they don't say at all.

    Some of these people, no longer friends, actually think that it is good that I've been having a rough time, personally, because I have the "wrong" views. My favorite was the woman who refused to believe that I was having a tough time, because, as a white male, "everything is set up for me." Sigh.

    By Blogger Ron, at Fri Dec 15, 02:03:00 am GMT-5  

  • BTW, it's great to have you back and posting Victoria. I am fond enough in your presence; when you are absent, is when I wane. ( I hope all crisis have worked themselves out to your benefit.)

    Thanks for your kind words, my poppet.

    Not too sure how worked out they are, since it's an on-going thing -- but I won't abandon the blog.

    I have often wondered how much of the fight between Kate Hepburn and Ginger Rogers on the RKO lot was due to their very, very different views of the world.

    For me, it's Myrna Loy (über-stüber Democrat) versus Irene Dunne (quiet Republican).

    But guess what? I adored both.

    Yet there are a surprising number of righties in the biz, like James Woods, among others.

    Oh sure -- Bo Derek, Tom Sellek, Pat Sajak versus...

    Eh. Too innumerable to list. And that's the point -- not that they don't exist, but that the numbers pale in comparison.

    Me too. I am appalled at how many of my academic friends say the word "patriotism" like an obscenity, and obscenities like they would say "Good Morning", which they don't say at all.

    Heh.

    Some of these people, no longer friends, actually think that it is good that I've been having a rough time, personally, because I have the "wrong" views. My favorite was the woman who refused to believe that I was having a tough time, because, as a white male, "everything is set up for me." Sigh.

    I am not a whiney person, and though I revisit themes in my blog (as any blogger), I don't want to get 'stuck on stupid' about this, but...

    God, please tell me that's not true, Ron.

    Because it reminded me of a blogthread on Democratic Underground I read after Hurricane Katrina.

    A DU'er actually posted that she didn't stop for a mum and her tyke when she saw them stranded in their SUV in the highway.

    Because they had a Bush/Cheney bumper sticker.

    I mean, where do you start?

    P.S.: Friends like that woman, are no friends at all, as I don't need to tell you. You're in better hands now.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Fri Dec 15, 02:23:00 am GMT-5  

  • BTW, here I am late at night, checking hits to this blogpost, via Technorati (wait, you mean there's not a coolissimo abbreviation for their site YET? Even Vince Young is already V-Y, fer Chrissakes).

    Two caught my eye:
    Titled When I have an idea, bitches follow (Myspace, bien sur)
    And this interesting little blogpost, about how men today are wussies, led by Hugh Grant

    Not that the blogger didn't make some fine, if somewhat rehewn points.

    But Hugh Grant (whom I mentioned in my blogpost today, of course, and thus the hit), isn't some modern-day incarnation of effeteness, the product of the feminising of men in the 1990's.

    We in Britain have been churning out diffident, slightly effeminate men since eternity and back.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Fri Dec 15, 02:39:00 am GMT-5  

  • Oops, hang on, I finished reading the second blogpost: "Real Men".

    This little gem caught my eye too:

    Last Christmas, my wife threw me out after discovering I'd been cheating on her. On the night we got back together, I made strong, passionate love to her. Unfaithful as I'd been, I was not going to let her have me over a barrel for the rest of our marriage. I needed to keep a sense of self and not allow her to mire me in guilt and a desperate quest of forgiveness. I needed to let her know what she would be missing if we broke up for ever. I gave her a manful bravura performance that night, and at the height of her passion, I asked her: 'Who's the boss?' The question threw her. Initially she wouldn't give me a reply, but I enticed it from her. 'You are,' she finally gasped. 'You are!'

    If his premise is that powerful women choose wimps instead of chimps (I mean, alpha males of the homonid class), he's dead wrong.

    Women who are ambitious, want to be powerful, and rich have ALWAYS chosen strong men -- since wimps are rarely financially and socially successful.

    What it sounds like is that he's confusing being an utter dog, with being an utter man.

    My father is a man's man, but for all that, he's a gentleman -- and he has a strong woman to show for it.

    Niters,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Fri Dec 15, 02:46:00 am GMT-5  

  • 5 in the morning, I'm still up! Oy! So Vic, it's not so bad to be up posting!

    Hugh Grant seems to be of the 'befuddled' camp of effete men; almost he's confused about the question of what gender identity he would adhere to!

    I replied to a personals ad after reading this woman's description of her interests, by saying "You had me at Myrna Loy."

    On my last day of college, I dressed up as Groucho Marx and ran amuck all over campus. Bursting into classrooms, offices, discussions, I was truly channeling the spirit of Groucho; I've never been funnier in my life! When I walked into an art discussion led by a professor I was quite good friends with, he was making a remark about post-Raphaelite painters. I cut him off by asking, "Post Raphaelites? Are those the paintings that hang from the ceiling or come up from the floor?" He laughed himself senseless. I recount this because I spoke with this same prof tonight, and he recalled this joke from 26 years ago, and still laughed at it for a long time over the phone...

    A good joke lasts!

    By Blogger Ron, at Fri Dec 15, 05:24:00 am GMT-5  

  • T-rat

    By Blogger JSU, at Fri Dec 15, 12:30:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Hugh Grant seems to be of the 'befuddled' camp of effete men; almost he's confused about the question of what gender identity he would adhere to!

    A dime a dozen where I come from, pet.

    No wonder Sloanies go for the working class males. You confuse being smacked around for being loved...

    I replied to a personals ad after reading this woman's description of her interests, by saying "You had me at Myrna Loy."

    CLASSIC!

    On my last day of college, I dressed up as Groucho Marx and ran amuck all over campus.

    Beyond classic. Worthy of a whole chapter in a memoir classic.

    I love Americans. You won't get this at Oxford.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Fri Dec 15, 05:56:00 pm GMT-5  

  • T-rat

    What brides are registering for at Tiffany's?

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Fri Dec 15, 05:57:00 pm GMT-5  

  • I can't wait, and yes, dammit, I am being ghoulish about it.
    My entire ex-boyfriend's family were tortured, separated from their families, imprisoned, exiled by this torturer -- and he will pay one day.


    Ah, that explains it. As I (jokingly) conjectured earlier, you have a personal issue with ole Fidel.

    By Blogger El Kot, at Fri Dec 15, 06:16:00 pm GMT-5  


  • Ah, that explains it. As I (jokingly) conjectured earlier, you have a personal issue with ole Fidel.


    Of course! (Elko, is that you? ;)

    But yes, that is the reason, although I am very anti-Communist, and therefore, would shed no tears for him anyway.

    OTOH, I didn't exactly jump for joy when Pol Pot died (a person of inestimable horror, much much more than Fidelito).

    It only gets personal...when it's personal.

    And on that note, I'll never understand non-Chilean people celebrating Pinochet's death with flag waving, with horns, with balloons -- I understand if you and yours (including friends) were victims of his regime.

    But if you are 22 years old, and do that...what the hell. It's just your politics.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Fri Dec 15, 08:58:00 pm GMT-5  

  • "you" = again, in the sense of Anyone, not the person addressed.

    I always have to say that, just in case!

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Fri Dec 15, 08:58:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Of course! (Elko, is that you? ;)

    Duh ;) Decided to finally check out that whole blog thing. Don't know if I will keep it up, though.

    It only gets personal...when it's personal.

    Yeah. I can't say button to you. (This is a literal translation of a BG idiom, which means "I can't argue with that". ;)

    Did you get the songs? And my e-mail?

    By Anonymous elko, at Fri Dec 15, 09:43:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Of course! (Elko, is that you? ;)

    Duh ;) Decided to finally check out that whole blog thing. Don't know if I will keep it up, though.

    It only gets personal...when it's personal.

    Yeah. I can't say button to you. (This is a literal translation of a BG idiom, which means "I can't argue with that". ;)

    Did you get the songs? And my e-mail?

    By Blogger El Kot, at Fri Dec 15, 09:44:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Of course! (Elko, is that you? ;)

    Duh ;) Decided to finally check out that whole blog thing. Don't know if I will keep it up, though.

    It only gets personal...when it's personal.

    Yeah. I can't say button to you. (This is a literal translation of a BG idiom, which means "I can't argue with that". ;)

    Did you get the songs? And my e-mail?

    By Blogger El Kot, at Fri Dec 15, 09:46:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Of course! (Elko, is that you? ;)

    Duh ;) Decided to finally check out that whole blog thing. Don't know if I will keep it up, though.

    It only gets personal...when it's personal.

    Yeah. I can't say button to you. (This is a literal translation of a BG idiom, which means "I can't argue with that". ;)

    Did you get the songs? And my e-mail?

    By Blogger El Kot, at Fri Dec 15, 09:48:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Duh ;) Decided to finally check out that whole blog thing. Don't know if I will keep it up, though.

    Well, I see by the multiple replies that Blogger still has teething pains. Keep at it! It's very rewarding, I think you'll find.

    And I'll blogroll you. :)

    Yeah. I can't say button to you. (This is a literal translation of a BG idiom, which means "I can't argue with that". ;)

    Heh! We have something similar in English.

    "I can't say boo to you"

    Did you get the songs? And my e-mail?

    I got the songs, thanks! No email yet -- did you send it to the beach?

    I haven't checked out the songs YET, but I shall!

    I went to your site the other day, and clear forgot. Mind you, I am completely overhauling my music library (having started with 50 mp3s, I now have well over 2000).

    After I tell you which one I like, I will ask you for album artwork and album info, so I can neatly order them, okay? :)

    Thank you Elko!

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sat Dec 16, 01:10:00 am GMT-5  

  • wtf is this p!nk actually is right wiv all the lyrics in tht song so dnt no where ur coming from

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sun Feb 08, 11:57:00 am GMT-5  

  • Behold the spelling of the new generation. It stinks.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sun Feb 08, 12:31:00 pm GMT-5  

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