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...a sweatshop of moxie

Friday, July 18, 2008


The Miss Universe contest was held the other day, and Miss Venezuela won -- again. Yawn.

I realise they have a virtual stranglehold on the title, akin to all those Miss Mississippis of Miss America's yesteryear, which isn't easy either to pronounce or to actually do. "Miss Mississippi". Nope. Real hard.

But the Miss Venezuelas are actually a lock to win any and all beauty pageants, despite sharing the same airspace as the UGLIEST MAN ALIVE, Hugo Chavez.

What galls me is that Miss USA didn't even give herself a chance. For the second time in a row, the loveliest damsel this country had to offer slipped and fell on her keister.

Well, at least no one asked her about geography, unlike Miss Teen South Carolina, of US-America, who currently are liberating The Iraq.

No, Miss Texas aka Miss USA, Crystle Stewart, later said she felt she was on Rollerblades.

Lady, this is your 5th attempt at the Miss Texas USA title, and you've probably been "pageanting" since one of your scary parents decided you were cuter than other cute-as-muffins kids.

Come on now. Represent!

Here she is, falling on her backside to the delight of almost every single human being alive who wishes her country would follow suit.

That's right! Clap for yourself, sweetheart!

Miss Venezuela just smirked: "Amateur".

If I were on the Miss USA committee, I'd insist we give the next gal a pair of Oxford saddle shoes instead of those stiletto Jimmy Choos.

You may look like a klutz, à la Ruth Buzzi, but at least you wouldn't ACT like a klutz.

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  • Perhaps a slingback combat boot for Miss USA would subtly say, "Would you like to be the Guest of Honor at the USA's Boot Butt Banquet? That can be arranged!"

    By Blogger Ron, at Fri Jul 18, 12:25:00 am GMT-4  

  • Heh. I'm sure we can work a "surge is working" angle in next year's version, Ron.


    By Blogger vbspurs, at Fri Jul 18, 12:31:00 am GMT-4  

  • I never watch these things. Never.

    By Blogger benning, at Fri Jul 18, 02:29:00 pm GMT-4  

  • So, I clicked over to your picture of Miss Texas and--is it just me, or do the pageant winners always look like The Joker?

    You know, a round face can be quite lovely, too. Veronica Lake (and Jessica Rabbit whom I think was modeled after Lake) had one.

    By Blogger blake, at Sat Jul 19, 04:35:00 pm GMT-4  

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