The Pointy And Rather Fabulous Eyebrows Of Andy Levy

Everyone remembers the dismal Fox News comedy show, The 1/2 Hour News Hour, probably because it stank worse than Pepe Le Pew's romantic overtures to Penelope Pussycat.

Let that be a lesson to you, kids. You can't out-Jon Stewart Jon Stewart. Only Stephen Colbert can do that.

So it was with trepidation that I began watching Red Eye some months ago.

This best kept secret on late night combines the libertarian morality play that is Trey Stone's and Matt Parker's South Park, with Paul Lynde's circle-gets-the-square zingers. It's proof positive that conservatives not only have a sense of humour, but that they can say irreverent things liberals can't say anymore because they're stupid literalists.

The show is anything but formulaic, unless inside jokes qualify.

Greg Gutfeld, the host, is a good Catholic boy from California, who is at pains to point out he's not Jewish, all the while making with the homosocial yucks to lovable, and yet rather pathetic sidekick, Bill Schultz. I'm not exactly sure what function Schultz fulfills on the show, but he does it really well. Perhaps he's best described as Major Healy to Gutfeld's Major Nelson, and with that, I'm pooped out of 1960s pop culture references.

Red Eye usually has on hand three or four guests, including generally one via satellite, notably, ex-Drudge pal and total hottie, Andrew Breitbart.

Most of the time Greg throws out outrageous claims about Schultz and his guests like, "Bill, you were in Sing-Sing in the 30s for murdering your mother-in-law, how does Obama's prison reform strike you?".

(I just totally made that up. I'm sure Greg would approve though)

Gutfeld gets to opine in his daily Gregalogues, which can be best described as a cross between Jerry Springer's Final Thought and that part in the Wizard of Oz where Dorothy gets attacked by a gang of flying monkeys. It's really good.

In fact, the whole show is a middle finger to Brits like my male cousins who say Americans don't do "silly" well. Hah!

But for comedy to work, there has to be tension present somewhere, usually in the form of an authoritarian figure hovering around, ready to quell the madcappiness.

(This is why "Grace and Favour", the "Are You Being Served?" sequel, didn't work, in case you were wondering all these years)

Enter Andy Levy.

He of the pointy eyebrows, blond Sir Wisp-A-Lot hair, and air of exasperated proof-reader dismissiveness. Andy is, I'm not embarrassed to claim, a national treasure.

Only Fox News could hold such a golden nugget, and relegate him to the graveyard shift correcting a bunch of misfit retards. I use the word "retards" with affection, you understand.

Levy first came into prominence in Hollywood, where he was the publicist for the 69th Academy Awards. (Yeah, I didn't think there was money in that either).

He also had a blog for a brief moment in time called "The Cranky Insomniac", which oddly is his job description on the show. I'm of the opinion that you can tell a lot about a person by the blogroll they keep, and his includes Cathy Seipp, Gateway Pundit, Patterico's Pontifications (I sure hope he got his domain back, poor chap).

Now that's a stand-up guy.

(We will ignore that he also blogrolls Andrew Sullivan, Atlas Shrugs, and Wonkette, for the mere fact that he had the prescient taste to also blogroll Christopher Althouse. Wait, the Christopher Althouse? I can haz lulz?)

Anyway, Andy's schtick is to bookend Red Eye with a faux-Faux News alert at the start of the show, then a full five minute segment called "The Half-Time Report", finally finishing up with some Kleenex and Vaseline with the "Post Game Wrap-Up".

It's hard to describe his pièce de resistance, The Half-Time Report. If you held a gun to my head, I would say it's like going to your principal's office, as you squirmed during a long recitation of your mistakes in that morning's Trig class.

For five minutes he dryly corrects any hyperbole flung out by Gutfeld and Guests, and my word but he is sharp. He has the incisive logic of a lawyer, who if he were passing an Aussie sheep farm, you know, like you do, were asked if a sheep on the road was shaved, he'd say, "well, at least on one side he is".

You can't take anything you say for granted around Mr. Levy!

In fact, I wondered if he had been a lawyer at some point, because not only is he Jewish, and smart, but he's also always right. If that doesn't describe every Jew I know, I don't know what does.

To my amazement, I read on his Wiki page that he had been a 31K Signaller in the US Army (!). He just went up 1000 degrees in my Male-o-Metre of Perfection right there.

You know what makes for the best comedy? Being quick on the uptake.

It's hard, because you have to think on your feet, like when someone makes a gaffe and says, "This movie takes place in a menstrual hospital", and you immediately reply, "Oh, it's a period piece."

Comedy should not just be about banana peel flops, and Runyonesque one-liners, but the real good stuff is when you can get your listeners' brain wheels whirring away. The quicker you get a Groucho Marxist sly reference, the more you feel rewarded by the mental calisthenics.

It was this talent that Andy had, that actually brought him to the attention of Gutfeld over at HuffPo, in the first place. He actually parlayed his devilish comments on Gutfeld's deadpan blogposts into a gig on Red Eye.

He thus fulfilled the not-so-secret wish of anyone who has ever taken the time to comment on a notable blog, of being so good in one's replies, that you were elevated into superstardom by dint of one magically turned phrase, or fifty.

But enough of our time over at Althouse.

Andy Levy is that rarest of guys -- one who was discovered not sitting on a stool at Schraft's wearing a tight angora sweater, but probably in sweats and a t-shirt, a ballcap with the words "NASCAR FAN" on them, typing furious retorts for the delectation of an observing few.

I should be so lucky.

Okay, so if you've never watched Andy Levy, Red Eye, or even liked the pungent gayness of unicorns, you'll have no idea what I'm talking about, but I promise you, staying up to 3-4 AM EST is worth it if you have nothing better to do. This includes the Best Of reruns every weekend at midnight.

And yes, I am using the same whimsical hyperbole in this entire blogpost, which would probably earn me the pointy eyebrowed condescension of my hero -- but I don't care. Andy Levy is a Greek God with ripe buttocks!

Here he is, in one of my favourite episodes, from October 23.

Notice the self-satisfied smirk when professional comedian, Jeffrey Ross, marvels "this guy is very funny".



Oh, and on November 1st (the last episode they broadcast before the Presidential Elections), he predicted:

"It will be Obama 364, McCain 174. It's a bloodbath."

I listened to that in horror that day. But, wouldn't you know it, final tally: Obama 365, McCain 172.

Christ on cream cheese, this guy IS good.

EXTRA: From Andy's blog, The Cranky Insomniac, is this incredibly topical opinion on Joe "The Prophet" Biden, our next Vice-President, written in 2006.

I love Joe Biden. I love how Joe Biden loves him some Joe Biden. All politicians love themselves, but Joe Biden takes self-love to a level that would make Narcissus shake his head and say, “Dude,” before slowly backing out of the room. The only thing Joe Biden needs to do to make me love him more is start referring to himself in the third person. Also, Joe Biden should always be called by his full name. It’s just one of those names, like Genghis Khan or Chi Chi LaRue. Have you noticed that Joe Biden suffers from inappropriate smile syndrome? Watch Joe Biden when the Senate Judiciary Committee is holding a hearing and it’s his turn to pretend to ask questions. He may be reading from his notes (wearing those ab fab half-glasses!) or just droning on about the pet hamster he had as a kid that taught him some valuable lesson, but literally every 5 or 10 seconds he’ll look up at the poor sap who’s supposed to be answering questions and give him a big smile. I think this is supposed to convey sincere reassurance but it’s so obviously phony and bizarre that it gives him more of an “I could very easily cut you into McNugget-sized pieces with a chainsaw and store your body parts in my Sub-Zero” vibe. We could do with more of this in our leaders. That’s why I also love John Bolton – he’s exactly what we need in an ambassador to an organization composed of thieving bureaucrats and murdering tyrants. You just know Johnny wouldn’t hesitate to stick a serrated blade in someone’s gut and twist it until a good portion of the intestine was hanging out, which he would then slurp down as if it were Mom’s linguini after football practice.

Mmm. I love linguini. Wait, isn't that "linguine"? Hah!

The AOL Poll Results For The Baracommercial

If you think polls are skewed and unscientific, I agree. But just for the record.

As ever, click on image to enlarge.

The 'Baracommercial' Live-Blog Thread

Launched extra early for your thoughts, or just to relax together.

- What do you think he'll talk about?
- Do you think any part of it will be live?
- Will his wife and kids play any role?
- Do you think this 30 minute infomercial will backfire?
- Will there be a token audience with him?

Please try Sopcast for live-streaming television channels. That's how I have watched football matches in the past. More info, as I get it.

FLASHBACK: H. Ross Perot's 1992 infomercial.



FLASHFORWARD: Hugo Chavez of Venezuela's "Alo Presidente" weekly television programme. (Via ElCubanitoKC)



UPDATE: Please join us in the comments section, for the "live-blogging" portion.

IN THE COMMENTS: Mrs. Whatsit had the best comment of the night.

"I will always be honest with you..."

Notice the future tense. When do you suppose he's planning to start?

Zachary Paul Sire, one of the more liberal commenters on Sundries, takes us to task about our collective commentary:

I guess the parts about talking to his daughters, reading to them, his mother dying of cancer, his grandparents, and all those childhood photos...none of that was personal.

It's not that, Zach, although your point is well-taken. It's just that he doesn't emote. A politician has to learn to connect with his audience on an non-intellectual level. We know he can think and say pretty words. But does he have "soul"?

Ron goes for the funny bone.

Kansas roots? John Brown had Kansas roots, and I wouldn't vote for him either!

JSU pretty much nails my own opinion.

This was a total bomb. Obama needed personal and *real*, but he just did more of the usual packaging. The whole thing was, in aesthetic at least, just like one of those interminable convention intro videos.

Although I likened it more to a Frontline special.

One blogger, Whitney Tilson, quotes the argument (five actually) of why Senator Obama's infomercial was worth it, saying:

A friend emailed me earlier today with the argument that tonight's 30-minute Obama ad buy on all of the major networks might work against him -- it might be perceived as self-centered, piling on, presumptous, etc. -- so it was with a bit of trepidation that I watched it. I shouldn't have worried. It was brilliant. Not one word about McCain, Palin or Bush or any negative attacks; instead, Obama took the high road and addressed two critically important questions: 1) Who is Barack Obama?; and 2) What will he do as President?

Tilson quotes HuffPo:

Let's be honest: the Obama infomercial was about comforting white Americans - especially middle and working class white Americans. That said, it was arguably necessary and - for what it was - very effective.

You hear that White America? It was for you. Hope you, err we, enjoyed it.

Exit question: For liberals, it's always about race, isn't it?

Your Plans For The Baramercial?

I'm thinking of not watching the latest egotistical Barackapolis installment. But if I do, I'll be over at Althouse. How about you?

The Cult Of Obama

And you didn't believe.

Here is an article in The San Francisco Gate Chronicle by Mark Morford, in its entirety, without one comment from me. Just read.

Is Obama an enlightened being?
Spiritual wise ones say: This sure ain't no ordinary politician. You buying it?

I find I'm having this discussion, this weird little debate, more and more, with colleagues, with readers, with liberals and moderates and miserable, deeply depressed Republicans and spiritually amped persons of all shapes and stripes and I'm having it in particular with those who seem confused, angry, unsure, thoroughly nonplussed, as they all ask me the same thing: What the hell's the big deal about Obama?

I, of course, have an answer. Sort of.

Warning: If you are a rigid pragmatist/literalist, itchingly evangelical, a scowler, a doubter, a burned-out former '60s radical with no hope left, or are otherwise unable or unwilling to parse alternative New Age speak, click away right now, because you ain't gonna like this one little bit.

Ready? It goes likes this:

Barack Obama isn't really one of us. Not in the normal way, anyway.

This is what I find myself offering up more and more in response to the whiners and the frowners and to those with broken or sadly dysfunctional karmic antennae - or no antennae at all - to all those who just don't understand and maybe even actively recoil against all this chatter about Obama's aura and feel and MLK/JFK-like vibe.

To them I say, all right, you want to know what it is? The appeal, the pull, the ethereal and magical thing that seems to enthrall millions of people from all over the world, that keeps opening up and firing into new channels of the culture normally completely unaffected by politics?

No, it's not merely his youthful vigor, or handsomeness, or even inspiring rhetoric. It is not fresh ideas or cool charisma or the fact that a black president will be historic and revolutionary in about a thousand different ways. It is something more. Even Bill Clinton, with all his effortless, winking charm, didn't have what Obama has, which is a sort of powerful luminosity, a unique high-vibration integrity.

Dismiss it all you like, but I've heard from far too many enormously smart, wise, spiritually attuned people who've been intuitively blown away by Obama's presence - not speeches, not policies, but sheer presence - to say it's just a clever marketing ploy, a slick gambit carefully orchestrated by hotshot campaign organizers who, once Obama gets into office, will suddenly turn from perky optimists to vile soul-sucking lobbyist whores, with Obama as their suddenly evil, cackling overlord.

Here's where it gets gooey. Many spiritually advanced people I know (not coweringly religious, mind you, but deeply spiritual) identify Obama as a Lightworker, that rare kind of attuned being who has the ability to lead us not merely to new foreign policies or health care plans or whatnot, but who can actually help usher in a new way of being on the planet, of relating and connecting and engaging with this bizarre earthly experiment. These kinds of people actually help us evolve. They are philosophers and peacemakers of a very high order, and they speak not just to reason or emotion, but to the soul.

The unusual thing is, true Lightworkers almost never appear on such a brutal, spiritually demeaning stage as national politics. This is why Obama is so rare. And this why he is so often compared to Kennedy and Martin Luther King Jr., to those leaders in our culture whose stirring vibrations still resonate throughout our short history.

Are you rolling your eyes and scoffing? Fine by me. But you gotta wonder, why has, say, the JFK legacy lasted so long, is so vital to our national identity? Yes, the assassination canonized his legend. The Kennedy family is our version of royalty. But there's something more. Those attuned to energies beyond the literal meanings of things, these people say JFK wasn't assassinated for any typical reason you can name. It's because he was just this kind of high-vibration being, a peacemaker, at odds with the war machine, the CIA, the dark side. And it killed him.

Now, Obama. The next step. Another try. And perhaps, as Bush laid waste to the land and embarrassed the country and pummeled our national spirit into disenchanted pulp and yet ironically, in so doing has helped set the stage for an even larger and more fascinating evolutionary burp, we are finally truly ready for another Lightworker to step up.

Let me be completely clear: I'm not arguing some sort of utopian revolution, a big global group hug with Obama as some sort of happy hippie camp counselor. I'm not saying the man's going to swoop in like a superhero messiah and stop all wars and make the flowers grow and birds sing and solve world hunger and bring puppies to schoolchildren.

Please. I'm also certainly not saying he's perfect, that his presidency will be free of compromise, or slimy insiders, or great heaps of politics-as-usual. While Obama's certainly an entire universe away from George W. Bush in terms of quality, integrity, intelligence and overall inspirational energy, well, so is your dog. Hell, it isn't hard to stand far above and beyond the worst president in American history.

But there simply is no denying that extra kick. As one reader put it to me, in a way, it's not even about Obama, per se. There's a vast amount of positive energy swirling about that's been held back by the armies of BushCo darkness, and this energy has now found a conduit, a lightning rod, is now effortlessly self-organizing around Obama's candidacy. People and emotions and ideas of high and positive vibration are automatically drawn to him. It's exactly like how Bush was a magnet for the low vibrational energies of fear and war and oppression and aggression, but, you know, completely reversed. And different. And far, far better.

Don't buy any of it? Think that's all a bunch of tofu-sucking New Agey bulls-- and Obama is really a dangerously elitist political salesman whose inexperience will lead us further into darkness because, when you're talking national politics, nothing, really, ever changes? I understand. I get it. I often believe it myself.

Not this time.

H/T:Instapundit

A Lightworker, eh? Funny, I always thought of him as Superman.



Senator Clark Kent had this to say for himself, Friday:

"It's a good time to be in Chicago," Barack Obama said to the cheering crowd. "The White Sox are winning. The Cubs are winning. And Chicago's going to win the 2016 Olympics."

"In 2016, I'll be wrapping up my second term as president, so I can't think of a better way than to be marching into Washington Park alongside Mayor Daley, alongside Rahm Emanuel, alongside Dick Durbin, alongside Valerie Jarrett as President of the United States, and annoucing to the world, 'Let the games begin!'"

The remark was a contrast to Obama's usual style of rhetoric, which tends to be charismatic, yet understated and not prone to brash predictions. But since it became clear he was going to be the Democratic presidential nominee, a shift has been detected in his demeanor."

You don't suppose Mr. Morford could explain this perplexing shift?

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