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...a sweatshop of moxie

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Pele and the Pope

Suddenly, one day it hits you: hey, I'm Pope -- the spiritual head honcho of 1 billion souls!

"I can meet anyone I want -- all I have to do is ask to see them and wallah, they arrive! Like room service, only with better autographs."

So of course, you ask to meet Pelé, when he happened merely by coinkidink to be in Cologne the same time as yourself.

I mean, who wouldn't want to meet O Rei, right?

And actually, now I have photographic evidence of how tall the Pope is, since, see I have stood next to Pelé, not once but twice. He's not that tall, but he's at least 5'8", maybe a smidge more. So Pope Benedict XVI must be a shrunken 5'7", which isn't as tall I had thought, but no matter. Maradona is only 5'5".

Oops, I've gone and done it now. I've mentioned the Stomach-Stapled One!

Yes, if I were Papa Ratzi, I would know which soccer legend I'd wish to meet, no offence I'm sure.

It's just that Maradona was once miffed at Pope John Paul II, because the latter had given him just an ordinary set of rosaries, after a Vatican audience, like he did to any old peasant from Wadowice for chrissakes.

So Maradona was terribly upset, calling it a total lack of respect, and for good measure, later sniped about the late pontiff behind his back:
"I've been to the Vatican and seen the gold ceilings. And then I hear the Pope saying that the Church was concerned about poor kids. So? Sell the ceilings, mate! You've got nothing going for you. You were only a goalkeeper."

Quite. So much better to spend money for the poor up your nose, Dieguito.

Yes, small wonder the Pope decided to forego hooking up with El Pibe de Oro. God only knows what crack he would've made about this Pope, who confessed in his memoirs that he's "hopeless" at sport.

"You so totally suck compared to Cardinal Maradiaga. I had a fiver on him."

And heavens only knows what he would've said about Germany's next Chancellor, CDU leader, Dr. Angela Merkel, who admittedly isn't the prettiest pencil in the woodshed.

"Ño, que fea! Igualita a la Thatcher."


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