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Sundries
...a sweatshop of moxie

Monday, April 24, 2006

Brangelina

(Belated welcome Name Development readers!)

(Scroll below for more updates, or click here!: The Roof Is On Fire, Who Do You Think You Are Kidding, NPR?, Miami Nice N.B.: Blogger has a scheduled outage at 4PM PDT/7PM EDT tonight)

This recent trend of conjoined celebrity couple names is just too daft.

Correct me if I am wrong, but it all started with the infamous mediagasm (another coingage! Two can play at that game) that surrounded the Jennifer Lopez/Ben Affleck coupling.

That's when the brief, but scorching madness that was Bennifer came into being.

Bennifer! I ask you.

And to make matters worse, Ben Affleck had to go and marry Jennifer Garner, so now this asinine practise already has sequels.

Bennifer Part Deux...

Okay, okay -- we all know this term was coined more in jest than in actual admiration for their antics.

In fact, there is a strong dose of irony mixed with ridicule about the whole name.

But the problem with ridicule is that if you do it well enough, and long enough, wouldn't you know it, but stuff catches on.

Since I am not a faithful National Enquirer reader, I was taken aback by a recent friend's mention of the duo which is setting every tabloid in Namibia alight.

Yes!

Now we have Brangelina to keep us huddled masses entranced.

Aren't you happy we didn't have this quirky name game decades before?

Can you imagine this inane pastime being attempted for old Hollywood love affairs and marriages?

We could have had:

Robertalie for Robert Walker - Natalie Wood!

Or how about, Clarole for Clark Gable - Carole Lombard! That's just too dye for.

Elizabeth Taylor - Richard Burton made Bennifer look like damn pikers, but admittedly, Elichard is very uncool.

And of course, there's nothing to stop non-Hollywood name morphings either.

Jack and Jackie Kennedy are a mouthful, even now.

Why not just refer to both of them as, erm, Jackie?

Okay, so maybe our name game needs a little work.

Maybe I should stick to the familiar, and imagine what a romance between a Sundries reader and I would sound like, a la Brangelina.

What would happen if...

Renato pitched me a little woo? Why Victoriato, of course!

Paul decided to finally plight his troth? Paulia. Oh dear. Sounds like toe fungus.

José and I could become the new media frenzy lovebirds, but Vickysé needs work. (Josia?)

Of course, with lesbians being so chic these days and all, in case I ever decided to play for the other team, and hook up with Ruth Anne, there's Ruthoria to look forward to.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, as you see it, we are now saddled with stalkerazzi and what they specialise in is making an one night stand, the kind long enjoyed by Hollywood celebs, into a coup de foudre of Romeo and Juliet proportions.

And the journos reckon that one-name is instant recognition, as Madonna, Pelé, Cher, and Fantasia can all attest to.

So be ready for more Brangelinas in the VH-1 future.

Why, there's already a Tomkat prowling around, eating placentas and what not.



Kinda makes you pine for the days when Paris and Paris were still going strong, huh?

P.S.: Originally, this post was about Brad Pitt and his unfortunate comments about the whole Namibia deal.

Quoth the better half of Brangelina:

"I love the woman," Mr. Pitt, 42, told an NBC (Namibian Broadcasting Company) reporter. "She completes me. When she said she didn't want to get married, I asked her if she would at least give me a haircut like the one she gives Maddie. I want her to love me the way she loves him."

I can't believe he really said, "she completes me". Show me da barf bag.

In addition to his new haircut, Mr. Pitt has a tattoo, his first, a Buddhist prayer etched on his lower back.

"It's just like the one Angie has on her shoulder," said Mr. Pitt excitedly. "It will protect Maddie from harm. I was so thrilled when Angie said I could get a tattoo like hers, though I was hoping she would let me get it on my shoulder like she has."

Man. That boy is whipped.

23 Comments:

  • Re: "Ruthoria"

    We'd both have to switch teams to experience the euphoria.

    Not that there's anything wrong with that.

    By Blogger Ruth Anne Adams, at Mon Apr 24, 04:11:00 pm GMT-4  

  • i want her to love me the way she loves him

    i wish to announce the founding of my new investment bank. its omly enterprise; investing in the future earnings of the psychotherapists of these winners"

    By Blogger Carlo, at Mon Apr 24, 04:59:00 pm GMT-4  

  • We'd both have to switch teams to experience the euphoria.

    I see you never went to boarding school, missy.

    Not that there's anything wrong with that.

    Isn't it awesome, that one can put down lesbians and homosexuals all one wants, as long as one doesn't forget the Seinfeld corollary?

    That man should be knighted.

    P.S.: What are you wearing? Rrrrr.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Mon Apr 24, 05:08:00 pm GMT-4  

  • i wish to announce the founding of my new investment bank. its omly enterprise; investing in the future earnings of the psychotherapists of these winners"

    Aha? Didn't quite catch your drift there.

    Although I do see there's an intended Brad Pitt dig, so well done.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Mon Apr 24, 05:09:00 pm GMT-4  

  • Let me just say this about that, whenever you're ready, Princess, consider it pitched.
    I'll even change my name to make it perfect.
    But really, a fungus? Sounds like you might say no. Still, I'm ever hopeful...

    By Blogger Paul, at Mon Apr 24, 05:48:00 pm GMT-4  

  • Josoria??? I really hope we can come up with a good name!!! Just the idea of us being lovebirds will probably keep me up all night! ;)

    Vijo???

    Jovi??

    By Blogger Jose Aguirre, at Mon Apr 24, 06:35:00 pm GMT-4  

  • I was so thrilled when Angie said I could get a tattoo like hers, though I was hoping she would let me get it on my shoulder like she has.

    Sheesh, Brad, shut up and get back in your cage. How embarrassing for you.

    By Blogger reader_iam, at Mon Apr 24, 08:39:00 pm GMT-4  

  • Let me just say this about that, whenever you're ready, Princess, consider it pitched.

    Depends.

    How big is your pup tent?

    I'll even change my name to make it perfect.

    Nah!

    Do you know, I actually have an uncle-by-marriage named Percival?

    I mean, those are names you change, not Paul, fer crying out loud.

    But really, a fungus? Sounds like you might say no. Still, I'm ever hopeful...

    Fungus in a nice way.

    Although I don't play hard to get. I AM hard to get. :)

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Mon Apr 24, 09:48:00 pm GMT-4  

  • Josoria??? I really hope we can come up with a good name!!! Just the idea of us being lovebirds will probably keep me up all night! ;)

    Oh the visual, the visual. ;)

    Vijo???

    Uau, I don't think so. That sounds like a brand of black beans.

    Jovi??

    I like it! Very trashy retro-80s.

    Of course, it would be pronounced:

    Hoh-vee not Joh-vee.

    But that sounds good too.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Mon Apr 24, 09:50:00 pm GMT-4  

  • Hey, Reader_Iam! I gave you a little linkback shoutout the other day, which I hope you caught now. :)

    Sheesh, Brad, shut up and get back in your cage. How embarrassing for you.

    I'm telling you...

    NOTHING is more embarrassing, than a man who is dominated by his wife.

    Dominated is more than just hen-pecked, since some men are resentfully aware of that.

    But the dominated ones are the ones who LIKE that.

    I'm jes an old-fashioned girl at heart, I guess. :)

    P.S.: My mother didn't believe it when she heard me read it to her. She loves Jennifer Aniston (I never watched FRIENDS, so I had no opinion), and was disappointed to hear just how mushy this guy is.

    And since we're gossiping already, let me just say, Brad Pitt made the 100 Unsexiest Men List because apparently, he has BO.

    Yikes.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Mon Apr 24, 09:55:00 pm GMT-4  

  • How big is your pup tent?

    I suppose love is not enough.

    Darling, your shoes won't even fit.

    By Blogger Paul, at Mon Apr 24, 10:49:00 pm GMT-4  

  • I suppose love is not enough.

    Darling, your shoes won't even fit.


    That's okay, Paul!

    It's motion of the pup tent, and all that.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Mon Apr 24, 11:17:00 pm GMT-4  

  • Okay you guys:

    At least tonight, I know my ISP will be down between 1 AM - 6 AM EST, since this time, they emailed us customers (for a change).

    They also said the repairs might spill over the allotted time, but I fully intend on composing a blogpost for Tuesday, as soon as I wake up.

    I'm as beat as a rug on laundry day.

    I will comment on the QEII blogpost replies, tomorrow!

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Mon Apr 24, 11:18:00 pm GMT-4  

  • That's okay, Paul!

    It's motion of the pup tent, and all that.


    In that very fine case,

    Mi casa, et su casa.

    Is that at all near right? It is all true.

    By Blogger Paul, at Tue Apr 25, 01:36:00 am GMT-4  

  • "Rontoria" sounds like an Italian liquor of some kind! Not that that's a bad thing!

    By Blogger Ron, at Tue Apr 25, 10:13:00 am GMT-4  

  • Hey guys - you know that's a spoof article, right?

    Not that he's not whipped.

    Not that there's anything wrong with that.

    By Blogger Jennifer, at Tue Apr 25, 10:14:00 am GMT-4  

  • Renatoria has a much nicer ring to it dontcha think?

    Fake?!? I don't think the Namibian Broadcasting Company would make that stuff up!

    By Blogger Renato, at Tue Apr 25, 01:52:00 pm GMT-4  

  • Ok, I'm not that hot at translating typed sarcasm. But, I take it you don't think there is a Namibian Broadcasting Corp? Because, there actually is such a media group.

    I don't believe they employ anybody by the name of Biff Scuzzy, but I could be wrong. :)

    By Blogger Jennifer, at Tue Apr 25, 08:28:00 pm GMT-4  

  • I'm not going to be a hurt or pissy about being left out of the -oria madness.

    I'll just assume it's my lack of vowels.

    By Blogger XWL, at Wed Apr 26, 01:16:00 am GMT-4  

  • All I can say is...Thank you, God, for leaving me out of that series of conglomerations.

    By Blogger I R A Darth Aggie, at Wed Apr 26, 08:39:00 am GMT-4  

  • Ok, I'm not that hot at translating typed sarcasm. But, I take it you don't think there is a Namibian Broadcasting Corp? Because, there actually is such a media group.

    I don't believe they employ anybody by the name of Biff Scuzzy, but I could be wrong. :)


    Don't rain on our parade, Jennifer!!

    Yeah, I think we all know it was a spoof more than a real thing, but like all apocryphal stories, it has a ring of truth to it.

    So Marie Antoinette didn't enjoin her good people to eat cake.

    But darn it, she looked the type to do so!

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Thu Apr 27, 12:02:00 am GMT-4  

  • I'm not going to be a hurt or pissy about being left out of the -oria madness.

    I'll just assume it's my lack of vowels.


    Trust me, I thought of you fondling, I mean!, fondly, when I was composing the post.

    But as you well figured out, your alphabet soup of a moniker just didn't work out.

    Exwelloria? Sounds like a spa in Bulgaria. Pass.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Thu Apr 27, 12:04:00 am GMT-4  

  • All I can say is...Thank you, God, for leaving me out of that series of conglomerations.

    Hey! Should my ego be bruised?? What gives??

    But yeah, like XWL and JSU, your name didn't lend itself to any romantic couplings.

    Tant pis.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Thu Apr 27, 12:05:00 am GMT-4  

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