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Sundries
...a sweatshop of moxie

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

A Woman Thing

All this weekend, my mother has charged me with cleaning, refurbishing, and redecorating the guest bathroom.

The purpose is very important.

See, we are having our bathroom completely retiled, and re-tubbed, this coming Tuesday.

Now I know what you're thinking.

"Wait, you're redecorating the bathroom BEFORE fixing it?"

Yes.

Furthermore, my mother will have the flat completely cleaned on Friday by the 1-800-Maid service ...just so that it's nice and neat for the workmen to mess up with their boots, and plaster.

And that my friends, is a woman thing.

Oh, I'm sure the specifics of it, are perhaps not. Eccentrics don't only run in my family, they frolick.

But the general idea is a "woman thing", all right.

It is the same impulse which makes women shout at their husbands,

"Shut the door! You want the neighbours to see inside!?"

A phrase you'll rarely ever hear from men to women.

There are practical reasons for these sentiments, which if you press women they will say it's about privacy, or modesty, or just because women are socialised to be more houseproud than men ('society made me do it!').

But the truth is, women don't like to be judged. Much more so than men.

Maybe inside, we think it's a character indictment -- that you are found wanting as a human being, by something so superficial, as dirty pots and pans in the sink.

And yet, this is not about ego, in my opinion.

The competitive streak that men have, has more to do with ego, with the need to one-up the other guy, the better to make himself superior in masculine-approved ways.

This is why we have stop-light races, and fantasy football.

Not to mention the rare male art of Mr. Peepers comparison.

But with a woman it's different, and it's not that she lacks ego.

It's that she cannot stand other people having something over her. A chance to tear her apart. A moment to gossip about her. A reason to smirk.

In short, it's not about perfection. It's about standards of perfection.

Her ego is just fine. It's that she wants to keep it up by always being thought perfect.

Well, all right. Maybe not perfect.

But whatever perfect means to each and every woman reading this.

Of course, I am willing to listen to counterpoints, such as "Vic, my house is a mess, and I'd still let you in, so what are you talking about?".

But I bet you anything, you'll change your tune, when I open your medicine cabinet in the bathroom.

Victoria's Handy List of Guy and Girl Things

Guy Things

- Any movie with Lee Marvin and Charles Bronson escaping
- Bodily noises and scratches
- Big screen TVs, with the more buttons the better

Girl Things

- Any movie where Richard Gere carries the girl out in his arms
- FDS
- Two tones lighter foundation and face powder. Oh and hair weaves

...so what do you think? Are there really such things which are common to all men and women? Even effeminate men, or masculine women?

Or have I just totally ripped off The View's next Mario Cantone segment?

P.S.: Men tolerate Woman Things, much easier than we do Guy Things.

This is why they promptly close the door when yelled at by their ladies, but women still complain about the toilet seat being up, after 40 years of marriage.

14 Comments:

  • See, I don't feel so good now.
    If I know you're coming, I clean the house, vacuum, dust, windows, kitchens, bathrooms and medicine cabinets. No, really, not that last one, unless I know YOU are coming.
    You're going to call me names now. Sorry, I just do it. It's a respect you thing for me.
    My movies have Mel Gibson in them, slaughtering people while dying for a cause. For Scotland. No offense.
    Should the toilet seat be down!? Incredible!

    By Blogger Paul, at Wed Apr 26, 03:30:00 pm GMT-4  

  • Toilets have a seat? who knew?

    As for my movies, as long as there is a requisite amount of bloodshed, nekkid chix, explosions, or other inducements to mayhem, I'm good.

    *sigh* And as much as I would like to bear your children, between redecorating before renovating your bathroom and your NPR listening habits, I'm forced to concede that it just wouldn't work out...

    ...tho Darth Victoria has a certain ring to it...and the pitter-patter of little Sith feet, as well.

    By Blogger I R A Darth Aggie, at Wed Apr 26, 05:54:00 pm GMT-4  

  • Whoo-Hoo! Nekkid chix!

    Ahem! oops

    I mean, errr, yeahhhh.

    Women always act as though the putting down of said toilet seat is such a problem. But we don't complain about raising it.

    Honestly: I lived with my grandparents, here, for a few months when I first moved here. She was soooo obnoxious about that damned seat that I decided to always sit. Made it a habit. I still do, too. When Mom visits, she can't complain! ROFL!

    Nobody in my family would dare snoop in my Medicine Cabinet: I booby-trapped it twice, and word got around! :D

    By Blogger benning, at Wed Apr 26, 08:22:00 pm GMT-4  

  • Re: that toilet seat thing.

    Sixteen years married and we haven't had a problem at all since we decided to both put the seat down entirely. Why else have that really fuzzy toilet seat cover? Use it, people! Women lower one. Men lower two. Everyone is happy about toilet seats chez Adams.

    Next?

    By Blogger Ruth Anne Adams, at Wed Apr 26, 10:11:00 pm GMT-4  

  • My God, what happened??

    None of my earlier comments made it out, although they were just fine at home!

    Ah well. Nothing has gone right for me today, but you won't hear me sob too much.

    Tomorrow is another day. :)

    Lemme repost the replies.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Apr 26, 11:38:00 pm GMT-4  

  • See, I don't feel so good now.

    Good! Be afraid. Be very afraid.

    If I know you're coming, I clean the house, vacuum, dust, windows, kitchens, bathrooms and medicine cabinets.

    Speaking seriously for a second, I think doing this for anyone, whether you to me, or me to you, is just good manners.

    Sometimes I think people who are slovenly, and just don't care how their homes are, have two things happening inside them:

    1- If they are messy, and clean up for guests, they think that they are not being honest about who they are, somehow. Pff.

    2- These same people, feel that putting the best foot forward the first meeting, is not necessary.

    I have always found that, rather insulting, actually.

    No, really, not that last one, unless I know YOU are coming.

    You better!

    One ex-boyfriend's family actually painted their house before I came.

    Geez, I ain't royalty, either you know!

    You're going to call me names now.

    Yes.

    Names like fluffy, poopie-doopie, and mooshu pork.

    Sorry, I just do it. It's a respect you thing for me.

    Exactly. Yay. :)

    My movies have Mel Gibson in them, slaughtering people while dying for a cause. For Scotland. No offense.

    I'm 25% Scottish! No offence taken!

    Mind you, the Scots were, by Braveheart. ;)

    Should the toilet seat be down!? Incredible!

    This simple factor of life men willfully ignore, never fails to astound me.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Apr 26, 11:44:00 pm GMT-4  

  • Toilets have a seat? who knew?

    See, I blame the mums.

    SOMEONE has to take the rap, for not teaching their young lads this all-important life skill.

    Cold, wet, soggy bottoms at 4 AM, are no fun you know.

    As for my movies, as long as there is a requisite amount of bloodshed, nekkid chix, explosions, or other inducements to mayhem, I'm good.

    I love this! Men and women SHOULD be different -- and much better that they are, naturally so.

    OTOH, it wouldn't kill a man to watch Emma Thompson's Sense and Sensibility, or When Harry Met Sally, with me.

    Come on, you know you want to IRA Darth Aggie!

    *sigh* And as much as I would like to bear your children, between redecorating before renovating your bathroom and your NPR listening habits, I'm forced to concede that it just wouldn't work out...

    I drive a hahd bahgain.

    ...tho Darth Victoria has a certain ring to it...and the pitter-patter of little Sith feet, as well.

    "Oh, Annie"

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Apr 26, 11:47:00 pm GMT-4  

  • Whoo-Hoo! Nekkid chix!

    Ahem! oops

    I mean, errr, yeahhhh.


    Please. I all over that! At least, philosophically and Twisterly speaking.

    Women always act as though the putting down of said toilet seat is such a problem. But we don't complain about raising it.

    That's BECAUSE its purpose is to be raised!

    Otherwise it's just a really odd table in the middle of some tile.

    Honestly: I lived with my grandparents, here, for a few months when I first moved here. She was soooo obnoxious about that damned seat that I decided to always sit. Made it a habit. I still do, too. When Mom visits, she can't complain! ROFL!

    Aww. That's also a bit much.

    A man sitting has a whiff of something not good -- and I don't mean the lack of Scrubbing Bubbles toilet cleaner.

    It's like a woman wearing a floral housedress to the market -- somehow, it goes against the grain.

    Nobody in my family would dare snoop in my Medicine Cabinet: I booby-trapped it twice, and word got around! :D

    Oh oh! The Unabomber has nothing on ya! ;)

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Apr 26, 11:52:00 pm GMT-4  

  • Sixteen years married and we haven't had a problem at all since we decided to both put the seat down entirely.

    Wait, I don't get it. How so?

    Why else have that really fuzzy toilet seat cover? Use it, people! Women lower one. Men lower two. Everyone is happy about toilet seats chez Adams.

    What a jolly, happy Family. You make me puke!!

    Trust a lawyer to reach a settlement.

    Next?

    You could help me think up other "woman things" since personally, I can't stand Richard Gere, and I'd probably kick him in the googlies if he tried to lift me up.

    (Or dance with me, like he did with Koizumi...)

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Apr 26, 11:54:00 pm GMT-4  

  • I can't stand Richard Gere, and I'd probably kick him in the googlies if he tried to lift me up.


    I'll pay good, hard yanqui dollars to see that.

    By Blogger I R A Darth Aggie, at Thu Apr 27, 08:08:00 am GMT-4  

  • Geez, I ain't royalty, either you know!

    Yes, you are.

    And actually, the seat is down, I find cleaning more often less necessary.

    By Blogger Paul, at Thu Apr 27, 08:24:00 am GMT-4  

  • "kick him in the googlies" - Heheheee! Gotta love the euphemisms we come up with! LOL

    Thanks, Victoria! :D

    By Blogger benning, at Thu Apr 27, 01:37:00 pm GMT-4  

  • As long as this redecorating doesn't interfere with football or soccer we wont have a problem.

    I enjoy scratching and making bodily noises while watching Lee Marvin movies on my big screen tv.:)

    P.S. Is FDS PMS by another name? :)

    By Blogger Renato, at Fri Apr 28, 01:21:00 pm GMT-4  

  • First, what is/are FDS?
    Second, I don't think that bodily noises/scratches are really that common to all men. I'd suggest substituting "love of gadgets/machines, the bigger, louder, and more likely to go 'boom' the better". I get a kick out of watching boy toddlers gravitate to the biggest Tonka truck available, automatically.
    Third, Lee Marvin doesn't have to be escaping, he can be chasing after, too. Bronson seldom escaped, more often chased. No problem.
    Fourth, the thing that really strikes me as universal to women is the periodic need to change/redecorate (e.g. your bathroom). Guys, especially once they get things the way they like them, are much less likely to change their abodes. Women, in my experience, get "tired" of that sofa/color scheme/drapery/arrangement of the furniture every few years and must change them around.
    Last, and bearing in mind that I'm single, I don't think that it is a matter of men tolerating women things more easily than women tolerating guy things, just that they are less willing to battle over such. Its not necessarily easy, just not worth much of a fight. Save that for "can we afford a new big screen tv".

    By Blogger mdmnm, at Fri Apr 28, 04:32:00 pm GMT-4  

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