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Sundries
...a sweatshop of moxie

Friday, March 09, 2007

Is That The Best You Can Do?

Nuts magazine in the UK is an uniquely male magazine analogous in the US as if GQ mag suddenly went the route of Girls Gone Wild with Hooters girls.

In short, it really couldn't exist in the USA because Gloria Steinem likes to keep the American male down -- or at least certain parts of him down.

Nuts is like a Page 3 spread, only glossier, and with sport.

And of course, like those Page 3 girls who we sometimes run across opening up the newest Tescos supermarket in Scunthorpe, or somesuch ghastly place that I have never been to, these lovely busty gals sometimes show up at this or that party -- club bait to attract the stronger sex.

That's when I sighted these damsels online.





Good. God. What mingers!

And I don't use that word lightly or often, but this is the only thing that comes to mind, my friends. Just utter utter mingers.

A) They're HIDEOUS, especially that second one from the left.

I've seen cuter visages in mugshots. And I bet you her name is Brandi Wendy, a name I got from the Chav Name Generator.

B) There's not a dumb blonde bimbo in the BUNCH! What the hell.

Even your lowest quality Hooters can't do without one stunning blonde, as thick as porridge, but she wasn't hired for her brains.

And yes, in case you are wondering, I have been to a Hooters restaurant once -- in CocoWalk, I think it was or Bayside, and yes, with friends. It's hardly the place a girl goes alone, even in Shanghai where they don't know any better.

Either way, looking at these Nuts slappers I can only think of one thing:

Is that the best you can do, UK?? I think the gauntlet has been dropped.

Labels: , ,

15 Comments:

  • They're HIDEOUS, especially that second one from the left.

    Hmm, either there's some mix up here, or the pretty/sexy distinction comes into play. For me, the second one from the left is unquestionably the sexiest of the lot. If I had to choose the most hideous one, it would be the second one from the right. Keep in mind that some males don't have the same criteria as you. I find the lady in black from your next entry as unappealing as Margaret Thatcher, regardless of what fashion sense she may exhibit (the needle heels being one particularly strong turn-off).

    Did you get my rakia recommendations? I have the distinct feeling that you stop reading the comments to your entries after a while (knowing how meticulously you answer them otherwise :-)))

    Cheers,
    Elko

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri Mar 09, 03:27:00 am GMT-5  

  • This comment has been removed by the author.

    By Blogger Ron, at Fri Mar 09, 04:24:00 am GMT-5  

  • I am in agreement with Sundries and not Anon!

    I imagine(L to R):

    The First one has just come back from 'Foxy Nails R Us', paid for by her 3rd boyfriends-ago Visa.

    The Second one having a fishwives caterwaul, not unlike a Python in drag, with only slightly less nose hair. Let's face it, if your chest can be unfavorably compared to Elton John's it's time for a bra with air shocks like a lowrider!

    The Third one was hired by Hooters because not only can she be a waitress, but her chin could be used to slice cheese paper thin for the burgers.

    The Fourth one (best of a sad lot, IMHO)has the Mother of all Vacuous Stares. If abs were brains, we would be living in a world without want or cancer, but, alas, they are not.

    I am down with the asssessment of Black Beauty, but not for moi personally, as I have experience with a girl just like that, who was broken, twisted, and truly disturbed in her mind and heart, such that I cannot separate the two. Such is the effect of her appearance on me, that such things are linked! While this is not an attack on fashionability per se, I find more ugly/frightening personalities among those who look awesome...just coincidence?

    By Blogger Ron, at Fri Mar 09, 04:32:00 am GMT-5  

  • And yes, in case you are wondering, I have been to a Hoosters restaurant once -- in CocoWalk, I think it was or Bayside, and yes, with friends. It's hardly the place a girl goes alone

    It might surprise you to read this, Vicks, but I refuse to go my local Hooters. The food's not that good, is over priced for what it is, and local girls? a bunch of really pretty/sexy/hot sorority chicks who think they should get a big tip just because they do their job and actually speak to you.

    I get treated much better at other eateries in town. And if I happen to be on the road, and I go into a different Hooters, I get treated pretty well, there, too.

    Go figure.

    By Blogger I R A Darth, at Fri Mar 09, 09:09:00 am GMT-5  

  • The lass on the extreme left reminds me of a gal at work. She's a very nice, attractive woman with the most perfect heinie I've seen in a long time. Sadly, she's happily married. *sigh*

    That being said, you've managed, Victoria, to find a horrid picture of some less than lovely lasses.

    Surely Britain has better to offer! Surely!

    By Blogger benning, at Fri Mar 09, 05:34:00 pm GMT-5  

  • These pics must have been from the nuts party in Portsmouth. As we all know Portsmouth is the home of the professional mingher.

    The one on the right looks like a very thin Nigella Lawson. The girl on the left looks the most attractive.

    By Blogger Renato, at Fri Mar 09, 06:47:00 pm GMT-5  

  • Hmm, either there's some mix up here, or the pretty/sexy distinction comes into play. For me, the second one from the left is unquestionably the sexiest of the lot.

    GASP! Seriously??

    Wow, as we say in English, there's no accounting for taste, but that's amazing to me, Elko.

    She really really looks white-trashy...but then, as the country music says, maybe you like your girls a little on the trashy side? ;)

    If I had to choose the most hideous one, it would be the second one from the right. Keep in mind that some males don't have the same criteria as you.

    This is a very good point. My father also didn't like the girl I thought was butter, above.

    He was there when I shot the photo, and as she passed by, I nudged him.

    "What?" "Look at her, she's perfect." "Too thin, too black, too depressed".

    Heh.

    I find the lady in black from your next entry as unappealing as Margaret Thatcher, regardless of what fashion sense she may exhibit (the needle heels being one particularly strong turn-off).

    LOL! Poor old Maggie T. I'm about to blog about her tomorrow, so you better take an one-day furlough from Sundries, Elko. It will be a love-fest. ;)

    Did you get my rakia recommendations? I have the distinct feeling that you stop reading the comments to your entries after a while (knowing how meticulously you answer them otherwise :-)))

    Oooh, I didn't see that no. And good guess about sometimes leaving a thread after a while. I do tend to do that, no? :(

    I will check it out though! Thanks, babe. Rakia's on me!

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sat Mar 10, 02:17:00 am GMT-5  

  • I am in agreement with Sundries and not Anon!

    You see!

    I imagine(L to R):

    The First one has just come back from 'Foxy Nails R Us', paid for by her 3rd boyfriends-ago Visa.


    Brutal, just brutal.

    The Second one having a fishwives caterwaul, not unlike a Python in drag, with only slightly less nose hair. Let's face it, if your chest can be unfavorably compared to Elton John's it's time for a bra with air shocks like a lowrider!

    WOW. My heads spins from the similes, Ron.

    Fancy getting Elton John, bra, caterwaul and Monty Python in one sentence. I salute you!

    The Third one was hired by Hooters because not only can she be a waitress, but her chin could be used to slice cheese paper thin for the burgers.

    LOL...

    The Fourth one (best of a sad lot, IMHO)has the Mother of all Vacuous Stares. If abs were brains, we would be living in a world without want or cancer, but, alas, they are not.

    I like the last one SECOND, most of all.

    Like Renato, if push came to mighty shove, I would have to choose Door Number 1.

    The last girl, whilst I know what you mean about vacuous stares (heh), does have a rather hard, ex-or-even-current pro look to her.

    And is it me, or do all these "ladies" look like Victoria Beckham??

    When did Posh suddenly become the yardstick for British beauty??

    I am down with the asssessment of Black Beauty, but not for moi personally, as I have experience with a girl just like that, who was broken, twisted, and truly disturbed in her mind and heart, such that I cannot separate the two. Such is the effect of her appearance on me, that such things are linked! While this is not an attack on fashionability per se, I find more ugly/frightening personalities among those who look awesome...just coincidence?

    Uh, no...those who concentrate on their appearances often compensate for emptyness inside of themselves.

    Look at Princess Diana.

    Mind you, my mother is a fashionista, and she's as happy as a clam.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sat Mar 10, 02:23:00 am GMT-5  

  • It might surprise you to read this, Vicks, but I refuse to go my local Hooters.

    Aha?

    The food's not that good, is over priced for what it is,

    I like the wings. They're the best I've ever had, I admit (mind, I only went once with friends...and was it my memory, or were our buffalo wings with a bucket of beer?).

    and local girls? a bunch of really pretty/sexy/hot sorority chicks who think they should get a big tip just because they do their job and actually speak to you.

    True that.

    I get treated much better at other eateries in town. And if I happen to be on the road, and I go into a different Hooters, I get treated pretty well, there, too.

    Go figure.


    Hmm, maybe they check out your ride when you're parking? ;)

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sat Mar 10, 02:24:00 am GMT-5  

  • That is, wings free with a bucket of beer.

    And yes, it was a bucket...or was it a bushel? It had some weird name like that.

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sat Mar 10, 02:25:00 am GMT-5  

  • The lass on the extreme left reminds me of a gal at work. She's a very nice, attractive woman with the most perfect heinie I've seen in a long time. Sadly, she's happily married. *sigh*

    What a shame...you know, I also know a woman who resembles Number 1.

    And my closest neighbour, bless her, resembles number 2! But she's a college prof, so no worries about the tips.

    That being said, you've managed, Victoria, to find a horrid picture of some less than lovely lasses.

    Surely Britain has better to offer! Surely!


    ME!!

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sat Mar 10, 02:27:00 am GMT-5  

  • These pics must have been from the nuts party in Portsmouth. As we all know Portsmouth is the home of the professional mingher.

    Hull, Boro, anywhere Newcastle, and Chav/Minger Central -- Harlow in Essex...

    Plymouth is up there, though.

    The one on the right looks like a very thin Nigella Lawson. The girl on the left looks the most attractive.

    NIGELLA! Che insulto!

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sat Mar 10, 02:28:00 am GMT-5  

  • Holy Delayed Reactions, Batman!

    I just realised I used the phrase "nuts slappers" in my post.

    Sorry, gents. Didn't mean to induce winces in all of you.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Sat Mar 10, 02:31:00 am GMT-5  

  • When did Posh suddenly become the yardstick for British beauty??


    I think the significance of The Spice Girls on British pop culture is very underestimated! For future generations to discuss perhaps!

    By Blogger Ron, at Sat Mar 10, 04:19:00 am GMT-5  

  • Those four remind of something my Mother used to say to me as a child

    "Dont touch that! You don't know where it's been!"

    By Anonymous BrotherDarryl, at Sat Mar 10, 09:25:00 am GMT-5  

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