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Sundries
...a sweatshop of moxie

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Natural Order To Things

And speaking of national characters, thanks to Sundries commenter, and my good friend, Brother Darryl, I bring you this juicy bit of hilarity.

Do you agree or disagree, or just need more time to wipe your monitors of milk?





Natural Order To Things

On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:

two Italian men and one Italian woman
two French men and one French woman
two German men and one German woman
two Greek men and one Greek woman
two English men and one English woman
two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman
two Japanese men and one Japanese woman
two Chinese men and one Chinese woman
two American men and one American woman
two Irish men and one Irish woman.


One month later on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean and another long look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming (!! Elko will kill me!).

The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, liquor, store, restaurant, laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store.

The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, because the American woman keeps on complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is improving, and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining...

The two Irish men divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whiskey. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.

(Heh. Now, the fun of it is, we can add to it! Here goes my contribution)

One Brazilian man invites the other Brazilian man to a game of coconut futebol, and completely loses track of the fact that the woman has time on her hands. Suddenly, she decides this is a perfect time to go skinny dipping, but one Brazilian man is so engrossed, he continues playing soccer, whilst the other guy goes off and has a torrid love affair with the Brazilian woman, who has in the meantime, invented waxing her crotch area with clamshells. In the end, the three Brazilians engage in a suruba, and await further discoveries such as making farofa out of the rainforest.

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12 Comments:

  • The Three Ann Arborites would make sure their gender roles were properly rotated and distributed between "men" and "women" such that they would achieve culturally equality. If the time frames indicated do no ensure this result, then we should consider the overthrow of the patriarcal Gregorgian calendar to an approved neo-chronology.

    By Blogger Ron, at Tue Mar 27, 01:48:00 am GMT-4  

  • Admit it, this was just your way of working "suruba" into a post.

    By Blogger JSU, at Tue Mar 27, 03:04:00 am GMT-4  

  • The two Cuban men and the Cuban woman realize they may be there for a while so they each set up their own political organizations.

    By Blogger Jose Aguirre, at Tue Mar 27, 09:35:00 am GMT-4  

  • (!! Elko will kill me!)

    Nah. I would kill the originator, though. The idiot has obviously never been to BG, or seen BG girls.

    Here's what I think should be in instead:

    The Bulgarian men engage in day-long tournaments of bridge-belote and tabla (alternating on odd/even dates) to determine who gets to spend the night with the woman, while she cooks, cleans, and serves coconut rakia to them.

    Cheers,
    Elko

    By Blogger El Kot, at Tue Mar 27, 08:45:00 pm GMT-4  

  • There was a (US) blogger of old who posted about filming scifi movies in Bulgaria.

    From his pictures, the local women seemed very attractive. (At least the young ones...)

    By Blogger JSU, at Tue Mar 27, 09:59:00 pm GMT-4  

  • The Three Ann Arborites would make sure their gender roles were properly rotated and distributed between "men" and "women" such that they would achieve culturally equality. If the time frames indicated do no ensure this result, then we should consider the overthrow of the patriarcal Gregorgian calendar to an approved neo-chronology.

    This would be my idea of hell on earth.

    I would kill myself if I were surrounded by these types -- seriously...

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Mar 28, 12:29:00 am GMT-4  

  • Admit it, this was just your way of working "suruba" into a post.

    Nonono.

    Okay, yeah.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Mar 28, 12:29:00 am GMT-4  

  • The two Cuban men and the Cuban woman realize they may be there for a while so they each set up their own political organizations.

    The three being Jose Basulto, Jorge Mas Canosa (RIP), and Ninoska Perez, of course.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Mar 28, 12:30:00 am GMT-4  

  • Nah. I would kill the originator, though. The idiot has obviously never been to BG, or seen BG girls.

    Hehe. It wasn't Brother Darryl! He just lifted it. :)

    Here's what I think should be in instead:

    The Bulgarian men engage in day-long tournaments of bridge-belote


    "Provable cheating is punished with 25 points in the global score."

    Excellent.

    and tabla (alternating on odd/even dates)

    Ahh. Backgammon. I learnt it, but forgot how to play it. :(

    to determine who gets to spend the night with the woman, while she cooks, cleans, and serves coconut rakia to them.

    Man, you're women have it rough. The Frenchwoman would have her choice of man, the Italian might have a shot at that too, but the Bulgarian sounds like a waitress as a greasy desert spoon!

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Mar 28, 12:33:00 am GMT-4  

  • JSU, you have no idea. ;)

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Wed Mar 28, 12:34:00 am GMT-4  

  • Hehe. It wasn't Brother Darryl!

    Oh, nonono, of course not him. I meant whoever came up with that particular joke years ago.


    the Bulgarian sounds like a waitress as a greasy desert spoon!

    Well, the point of this joke is to have some truthfulness infused into its stereotypes. While the original Bulgarian section has no relation to reality, mine, unfortunately, has. Too many Bulgarian men still treat women that way (it is a standing source of shame/pride, depending on who you ask, and inside jokes; the Oriental influences die hard).
    And how could I forget the salad - serving rakia without salad is a beating offense in some households ;) I just can't figure out what kind of salad they could have on a desert island - seaweed perhaps?

    Cheers,
    Elko

    By Blogger El Kot, at Wed Mar 28, 01:12:00 am GMT-4  

  • Two Korean men are trapped on an island with one Korean woman. They can't decide who gets her, so they split her into two equal parts: a Northern half and a Southern half. One man may not violate the other's region.

    The man with the Northern half has a hungry mouth to feed. The man with the Southern half has a whole lot of pleasure, but deals with the shit coming from the North.


    P.S. I suppose we can't judge Bulgarian women by the Olympic teams sent during the Communist Years. Those Communist Parties had some weird ideas.

    By Blogger Alcibiades, at Wed Mar 28, 02:16:00 am GMT-4  

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