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...a sweatshop of moxie

Monday, February 02, 2009

Barack Obama To Replace Ted Casablanca on E!

In an unprecedented move in American history, the sitting President of the United States will be moonlighting on an "infotaintment" site, E! Online, as celebrity gossip columnist.

In case you might be wondering if this is yet another job that he's unqualified and unprepared for, fear not.

Sitting with Obama, Lauer held up a copy of US Magazine, and pointed to how the editors cut him out of the cover photo with his wife and daughters. In the upper right-hand corner of the cover was a photo of a curvier Simpson and the headline: “Weight Battle.”

“They took you out of it,” Lauer said of the magazine.

“It — it’s — it’s a little hurtful,” Obama said.

“You got replaced by Jessica Simpson,” Lauer said.

“Yeah, who’s losing a weight battle apparently,” Obama said, according to the NBC transcript of the interview. “Yeah. Oh, well.”

Sources close to the Crackberry-addicted President says he's been following Jessica Simpson ever since her split up from Nick Lachey. Incidentally, the crooner is incensed that his ex's weight is a topic of conversation ever since she was photographed looking a little portly down here in South Florida's Chili-Cookoff (which your humble blogger almost attended!).

Said Lachey, which isn't pronounced "Lah-tchee" apparently, in one of those strange American interpretations like Favre is pronounced "Far-ve" and not, well, Favre (breathe):

"I can't believe it's this big of a story and people are making such a huge deal about it. I'm never ceased to be amazed by people's reactions to things."

That's no way to speak about the President, Nick. Racist.

We wish Barack Obama well in this thrilling new endeavour, and hey, you think you can cover Zac Efron's sexual orientation next, Mr. President? We're dying to know.

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