Kenneth The Page Responds

I don't know who this internet chatter character is, this Kenneth the Page, as I don't watch television, but from this clip I can see what they are trying to suggest.



Ann Althouse suggested there was an undercurrent of racism about the personal attacks on Governor Bobby Jindal's speech. After all, it was just a speech, and some people bomb in them. He did last night, stylistically, but given the instantaneous diarrhoea of posts his performance got (possibly as much as the actual and much more important State of the Union), you'd think he had slain three kittens on national TV.

Althouse asked.

"Why the urge to paint him as a white white man? Where did that come from?"

Probably the critics will mention that his regionalism and conservative religion made the connexion evident, but she is going for something deeper here.

There is a programme on IFC called "The Whitest Kids You Know".

A blogger described such kids as:

"The whitest kids I know all sort of look like Ashton Kutcher, listen to Jack Johnson, think Dane Cook is funny, and dig Adam Sandler movies."

I think what many people don't like about Jindal is that he doesn't talk like Apu, doesn't look like he could break into a Bollywood dance routine, and therefore isn't the "other" that is cool because of cultural expectations. Take it into another level, and they are also inferring that he is a race traitor by being a poseur, this Republican Southerner Indian fella.

What I BELIEVE Althouse is saying is that he fails to live up to some kind of stereotype they refuse to acknowledge they have deep inside themselves.

He acts like just another vanilla geeky white guy, like Kenneth the Page. More Millionaire, than Slumdog, if you will.

And that makes him the fairest of game.

Sure, he did himself no favours with that speech.

But if Obama had stunk up the joint, and others had criticised him so savagely, don't you think that his supporters wouldn't have claimed racism as a possible reason for the derision?

You bet they would have.

ADDED: Some journalists are not even hiding their references about Jindal and his Indianness.

“Bobby Jindal was ‘pitiful,’ Helen Thomas tells film crew, right before making a ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ crack.”

That is Helen Thomas, the doyenne of the press corps who practised unbiased reporting all those years, you know.

IN THE COMMENTS: I mean, after Chris Matthews admitted he uttered that infamous "Oh God", and stating that the GOP CPAC conference this week will resemble a Star Trek convention (you know, more uncool geeky white guys), what do we expect anymore.

But JSU reminds us of his latest Jindal crack.

There was definitely something rotten in Matthews' "outsourcing" remark.

The Red Carpet

Last night's Oscars might've been deadly dull in the first two hours, only hitting their stride in the last, but they did have a certain welcome glamour not seen in previous editions.

I think its due to the transition from the older generation of Hollywood luminaries of Paul Newman and Elizabeth Taylor to the younger generation of Kate Winslet and Hugh Jackman, finally coming into its own.

It's not surprising that the dresses seen on the Red Carpet this year reminded one of the 1950s more than any other era, one captivating in its silky elegance, with its Marilyn Monroe off-the-shoulder dresses, chignons and beauty marks.

Perhaps the only intrusion into this reverie were some of the tattoos to be seen on the various body parts...not of the men, but of the women who otherwise bedazzled the eye.

Ah well. It can't be 1950 forever.

THE ACADEMY AWARDS 2008-2009

THE QUEEN - Kate Winslet



THE KING - Hugh Jackman



ANNE HATHAWAY

Bad taste in men, terrific taste in clothes.



ANGELINA JOLIE

Actually, she was a bit of a let down. The dress was too simple and the hair looked like something I do when I'm in a hurry to go out, but don't want to look too ratty. And the tats...



EVAN RACHEL WOOD

...ruin even the most delicate of complexions and dress fabric.



AMY ADAMS

Flawless. Impeccable. My favourite ensemble of the night.



AMANDA SEYFRIED

I'm not exactly too up on Miss Seyfried's contributions to the silver screen, but I must say that despite knowing the fashionista critics will not like her dress, I adore it. And my, but doesn't she look like Bette Davis facially though?



JAMES FRANCO

Does he even try? Newfangled "tux". Didn't go to the barbershop for a haircut. Needs teeth whiteners. Catastrophic. How anyone can find him handsome, is beyond me.



NOT A JUDITH LIEBER CLUTCH



NATALIE PORTMAN

She somehow achieves a great look, despite wearing that particular shade of pink that very small women should stay away from. It is her natural beauty which allows it to succeed.



MILEY CYRUS

She's young, and she tried her best to look good (she does) but she needs to learn about good posture. Hannah Montana looks like she's on the holler with two babies on her hips.



MICKEY ROURKE

You might think, "Oh no, Vic is going to skewer Rourke for looking like a schlepp" but I'm actually not. He doesn't look like he rolled out of bed at all. He's just unconventional. I liked it.



MARION COTILLARD

From the side, gorgeous. From the front, the dress looks too shiny and unfortunately makes her look twice her size. Considering she was so nervous in her (touching) presentation, I'll give her a break by saying excellent effort.



QUEEN LATIFAH

Wonderful. Sleek hair and a flattering floor-length dress which shows you that big-boned gals can look good if they know what flatters them.



SOPHIA LOREN

You wish you looked so good at 75.



SARAH JESSICA PARKER

She achieves what she is expected to by her legion of fans. Tastefully sophisticated. I'm just not sure she looks happy.

(She also is beginning to resemble Bette Midler!)



SETH ROGEN

Proving for the millionth time that any man, no matter what kind of a schlubb he is, is improved significantly by such classic attire. I even like Seth's glasses.



BEYONCÉ

Will you tell Daryl Hannah her flippers are missing, or will I?



PHILIPPE PETIT

Give the guy a break. He walked in between the Twin Towers. Mindboggling.



PENELOPE CRUZ

Penelope, it's not your quinces party. This is the Oscars. Come on now.



TINA FEY

Such old world glamour she has. And it's when she puts her hair up that you realise just how much she DOESN'T look like Sarah Palin.



TILDA SWINTON

I'm not sure if it's the haircut, but Tilda looks like my great-uncle Ballard in that frock.



TARAJI HENSON

My third favourite look of the night, after Kate and Amy. Simplicity is best when you have such a naturally radiant face.



THE CAST OF SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

How India must be proud. A credit to dignity everywhere.




ADDED: Close-up of those strange pins Mickey Rourke was wearing with his suit. I was half wanting to inquire if those were MIA pins or what-have-you.

But no. They're lockets containing a photo of his late chihuahua, Loki. Did I tell you that Mickey Rourke is practically my neighbour in South Beach?



The irrepressible walker-of-wires, Philippe Petit, accomplishes something no one is said to have done before. Balancing the Oscar statuette on his chin.

Wow.

Oscars Night

BUMPED: Please scroll down and check the comments section for Oscar 2009 Night Live-Chatting.

Regrettably, Twitter is out, but I will be here and possibly over at Althouse to live comment.

I am extremely annoyed that the Oscar winners have possibly been leaked, since usually I would tell you my predictions beforehand. But the winds seem to have been cut out of my sails, rather, now.

Here is the leaked letter, showing the winners. It's been debunked, of course, but I don't know. The picks look precisely what the Academy would honour.



For a person like me, who so disliked "Slumdog Millionaire" for reasons I have stated innumerable times, it's a disaster if true. Also the fact that "Waltz with Bashir" is not leaked as having won Foreign Picture leaves me cold.

On the other hand, I was fairly sure Kate Winslet would have won for Best Actress, with Amy Adams almost definitely getting the Best Supporting Actress award.

The latter is not because she was so amazing (Adams was good, but her colleague Viola Davis is more deserving), but because she fits the bill perfectly for actresses often honoured by that statuette -- good character actresses, who have an impressive body of work behind them or who give a standout one-time performance, aka the Marisa Tomei Nomination (she already surprised once; I doubt she would repeat) The only other one which qualifies for the body of work is Penelope Cruz, mostly in the Spanish language, and she was going to be my surprise pick.

Mickey Rourke for Best Actor, I can see.

Jenkins is the token "Just Happy to be Nominated" actor, Langella is more suited to the Best Supporting Actor category, whereas Penn has already won it. That leaves Pitt or Rourke, and there is no way Brad Pitt should get anywhere near an actual Oscar win. He's not quite as bad an actor as Tom Cruise, but it's close. Heath Ledger, may God rest him, is a lock for Best Supporting Actor, and we have known that since The Dark Knight debuted.

Instapundit wondered if anyone watches the Oscars anymore. Hardcore fans like me do, but each year has seen an utter decline in viewership.

It's because Hollywood doesn't honour mainstream films as much anymore. Indies are fantastic for people like me, but most could care less about a film like Frozen River. Now, Iron Man even my father would know about. It was a decent film, which furthermore was a box office hit, but it wasn't judged to be worthy of inclusion.

If these popular, worthy films are left out, the Oscars then become a night for insiders to preen, almost as if they didn't need an interested audience. That's why Oscars night have lost their appeal. We are completely superfluous to the process.

I rather suspect this year will be different though. Maybe it's Brangelina being dually nominated, with the casual tabloid turners tuning in. Or maybe it's the fact that I suspect this year people want glamour and fun when our national edifice is so stressed.

It's like Halloween 2008.

I have never seen a livelier Halloween than last year's. Sunday night will turn out a different class of witch, warlock and broomstick all together.

OSCARS 2008-9 NIGHT LIVE-BLOGGING

8:26 PM: The first mention of the night of Louis Prima. I'm sure it won't be the last.

8:29: Amy Adams (Doubt) and her necklace arrive at the Oscars on February 22nd. That's a Harry Winston necklace or my name isn't Ethel McGillicuddy.



8:30: Commenter Laurie has a new crush -- Aussie actor, Hugh Jackman (which has always sounded rather sophmoric to me, like Hugh Arse). He's our host for the evening and personally I couldn't be happier. He seems just the right type of antidote to the Billy Crystal/Whoopi Goldberg/Jon Stewart wisecracks.

Good Lord, he's launched into song. Somewhere up there, near the hanging icicles above the stage, an angel called Ethel Merman is smiling.

8:34: First reference to pubic hair at the Oscars since that streaker interrupted David Niven...

8:35: After a sweet musical number and a quick shower (by me, not Jackman/Hathaway!) we have the first three ex-Best Supporting Actresses up on stage, including last year's winner, Tilda Swinton. Unusually, it is usually one presenter of the opposite sex, who turn up, so this is a change.

8:47: PENELOPE CRUZ! My surprise pick to win this year. And now we have absolute knowledge that the leaked list was totally fake. Starless knew it all along.

Incidentally, is the broadcast rather strange? It looks unusually delayed and therefore static.

8:57: The ex-Mormon screenwriter for MILK wins for Best Original Screenplay, and he's giving a sentimental acceptance speech about living his sexual lifestyle and encouraging kids out there who are in that position, to have hope.

9:00: Simon Beaufroy wins for Best Adapted Screenplay (Slumdog Millionaire). Something strange happened just before. When Langella/Nixon said he orders cheeseburgers, in the excerpted screenplay, something inside me clicked. So I'm off for a moment to grab a burger! I'll be back for the major Awards later.

9:07: WALL-E wins! Of course. That and Ledger winning are the biggest locks this year.

9:28: I asked the restaurant attendant who brought the burger to my car, "are you watching the Oscars inside?". "They are, but I am not. From what I hear, it's really bad." "Heh, yeah, you're not missing much." "I don't even know who is nominated, other than Brad and Angelina."

Says it all, really.

9:29: Digital Animation being honoured, but already there was a reference to Jerry Lewis -- who is finally getting his honourary statuette today.

9:43: James Franco: "Who do you think is the better actor: Ronald Reagan or Barack Obama?"

Sarah Palin, of course.

9:58: I'm not sure if the musical is back, but I sure know the Oscars would be back if they had more Jackman/Beyoncé musical numbers. That was perfect.

10:04: Best Supporting Actor coming up and Laurie has an apposite remark about one of the presenters.

"Lord! I thought Joel Grey was dead!"

10:08: Well done, Heath! You stripped the Joker bare, and what we got was the Ur-Joker -- reinventing the comic book heavy for all time.

Rest In Peace, boyo.

10:15: Philippe Petit, the man who walked between the Twin Towers, got up there and reminded us why the movies work -- magic.

If only others would be more whimsical, and not nearly as too-cool-for-all-of-you, we would have an inkling of what Hollywood used to be like.

10:20: Does Brad Pitt have this Clark Gable look happening? There was a quick shot of him as Benjamin Button's awardees were up on the podium for Visual Effects.

10:30: In an absolutely touching moment, Oom the Sound got a dedicatory Oscar.

10:42: They say (who? sorry a little Wikifying there) Jerry Lewis is a singularly unpleasant person, and has been for years. Nevertheless, he is an American institution, and his good work for his extreme dedication every Labour Day during his telethon should be rewarded. And he is.

Ooh, shot of Sophia Loren. I had no idea she was there, God bless her.

11:21: Danny Boyle is accepting in the spirit of Tigger from Winnie The Pooh. That sums up this quixotic night perfectly.

As for the new format, with the Director award going before the Big Actor/Actress ones, what can I say -- do not like.

11:33: Kate Winslet's dad just whistled, and we have an iconic Oscars moment right now.

I do not like the format change, but I admit that having the 5 legendary actresses presenting each individual nomination for each actress made it perfect. They are five Oscars incarnate.

11:39: Robert DeNiro: Talking about Penn who "advises world leaders", oh God. That includes Saddam Hussein. Jesus Christ.

Peggy commented:

I noticed that Marion had the envelope...and Kate won...does this mean that Frank Langella will win? Michael Douglas has the envelope?

Let's see!

11:44: You Commie, homo-loving sons of guns says Penn on accepting his Oscar, besting Mickey Rourke in the category.

I'm bereft, but not because Penn didn't deserve it. It's just that he's won before...incidentally, TIBORE totally called it before.

Okay... I have this funny feeling that Sean Penn's going to upset Mickey Rourke for Best Actor.

Hate to say it, but that's the vibe I'm getting.

The Fake List is well and truly fake.

11:55: Finally, Slumdog Millionaire wins for BEST PICTURE, and all is all right in the world again.

I have to say that ultimately, I thought this tidy Oscars was an unusual mixture of graciousness and grappling awkwardness. I do not think it does anything for a generation which is each time further removed from the Old Hollywood Glamour of actors whose names they do not even know anymore.

It's very little wonder then, that the Oscars are still waited with baited breath abroad, but most people have long since turned in for the night?

Not Sundries commenters though. And here I would like to add a very humble thanks to all who turned this thread into a monumental success.

I couldn't have reached 200 plus comments without you all. Thank you SO MUCH for honouring this blog with your presence.

Carry on, guys!

ADDED INFO: My Twitter page. When Peggy Gero DaValt joined, I found a little Dutch courage by pouring a G and T, and joined too. All of that is true, except the Gin and Tonic.

Those Excessively Handsome Blond Men

I don't like blond men. Let me explain.

My previous post on racially different sets of twins sparked a desire in me, to revisit why I am not attracted to fair-haired examples of our species. I have long thought that it was because I also tend towards fairness (helped along by Miss Clairol), and womanlike, I didn't think dating a blond man would make me look good in contrast.

It could also be because most males in my family are blond, and Mother Nature being sage as ever, puts in us a natural gap stop from being attracted to one's own cousins; thus preventing me from a fate worse than death -- AKA inbreeding.

Then there is this thought I have about blond men.

Have you noticed how they remain excessively fair of cheek for way way too long?

Whatever age they are, they easily appear 10 even 15 years younger than their actual age. That's fine when they are truly young, but the look of extreme youth on a man you know is at least 40 is very disconcerting. Other than paedophiles and Jonas Brothers fans, who wants to be attracted to a boy of 15?

Finally, there is this.

Blond men are often very handsome. Not just boy next door handsome, but chocolate-box pretty handsome. You know?

The kind that makes you think of fairy tale princes in 18th century velveteen hose, sitting on a swing or strumming on a lute in one of those oppressively cute Watteau outdoorsy scenes.

So today, for your viewing pleasure, I have decided to illustrate my points with a sampling of some blond men, perhaps some of whom you may know, but certainly all of whom have blazed across the history pages one light-haired follicle at a time.

(I'll try to make this as un-gay as I can, promise)

KING LEOPOLD III OF THE BELGIANS



If Walt Disney ever had a prototype for his various cartoon princes from Cinderella to Snow White, this chap would be he.

The future King Leopold III is shown on his wedding day, looking like a 12 year-old playing dress-up. His extreme beauty (there is no other word) pierces the monitor even after 80 years, those soft ringlets brushed away from his forehead, and his small Clara Bow bee-stung lips, almost defying the viewer to ogle him.

It's a shame he had a bad end, after he surrendered his country to the Nazis, not to mention having been guilty of manslaughter of his wife Astrid when he careened his car into a tree. He also cheated at golf, according to the Duke of Windsor. And having mentioned the latter, all I can say is, hold that thought.

ANTHONY EDEN



Now largely forgotten, Anthony Eden in his day was the equivalent of a political crown prince. Eden waited in the wings for Winston Churchill to hand over Conservative power to him, going on almost 25 years. During that time, he impressed the various continentals with his good-looks, almost a caricature of the "English gentleman" of aristocratic imaginings. It is even said that Göring kept a sketch on his bathroom wall of Eden sunbathing...heh, okay, that's not true, but you can almost PICTURE it, can't you?

I think Rab Butler, one of his adversaries and a tutor to Prince Charles, said it best about Eden, whose handsomeness was matched by a fiery temper:

"Half mad baronet, half beautiful woman".

CHARLES LINDBERGH



If we had a dollar for every time the word "baby-faced" was used for the famous aviator, I think President Obama would probably not have needed to sign the Stimulus Bill.

I can see why my grandmothers were so in love with this guy, back in their adolescence. He's not just handsome -- there is a purity about his features that looks almost ascetic. Or is that "acidic"...?

For unlike the delicately brought up European males above, there is a touch of farm boy about his prairie looks. It's also a judgemental face. In another time and place, he could have been a Lutheran pastor in Sweden, cane in hand about to administer a whipping, as Bergman always had it.

As it was, he was America's first truly homegrown international hero after Dougie Fairbanks. Not a bad act to follow.

RUPERT BROOKE



The following lines are from his poem, "The Beginning".

Some day I shall rise and leave my friends
And seek you again through the world's far ends,
You whom I found so fair
(Touch of your hands and smell of your hair!),
My only god in the days that were.
My eager feet shall find you again,
Though the sullen years and the mark of pain
Have changed you wholly; for I shall know
(How could I forget having loved you so?),
In the sad half-light of evening,
The face that was all my sunrising.
So then at the ends of the earth I'll stand
And hold you fiercely by either hand,
And seeing your age and ashen hair
I'll curse the thing that once you were,
Because it is changed and pale and old
(Lips that were scarlet, hair that was gold!),
And I loved you before you were old and wise,
When the flame of youth was strong in your eyes,
-- And my heart is sick with memories.

Any man who can speak so convincingly about the touching of hands and smelling of hair is NOT to be trusted.

Yes, he's handsome, with his open visage and lazily tied necktie, all very recherché and poetic I'm sure, but he strikes me as not the kind of man who is in it for the bad times, as well as the good. First sign of trouble, whether a relationship or World War I, and he's out of there.

Anyway, his poems from the battlefield allowed a whole generation of men to look on their youth in the trenches as a time to drink away. I'm not exactly sure we have quite overcome that self-pitying destructive malaise yet.

EDWARD VIII (THE DUKE OF WINDSOR)



I literally had my pick of dozens, even hundreds of photographs to show you of the Duke of Windsor. Almost all of them showed his stunted boyish good-looks, that dazzling toothy smile (which later turned yellow and twisted with smoking), and long blond eyelashes, a kind of male Greta Garbo for girls to swoon over.

He was the original "fairy prince", not that I'm implying that he played for the other team, you understand. Mind you, as a notorious womaniser, I have always thought that was product of a guilty conscience somewhere along the line.

Like many handsome men, who furthermore are very aware they are handsome, his looks were a constant source of comfort for him. He was a clotheshorse because of it, slaving away in fittings with tailors and dieting to preserve his figure, something which drove his unprepossessing and jealous father mad.

Even with the distance of 73 years after the fact, I still can't believe this man, who could've had any woman in the world, finally plunked down with that dykish twice-divorced American, Wallis Simpson. Adela Rogers St. John, the now overlooked famed journalist, once observed that Wallis Simpson could play linebacker for the Green Bay Packers. Hut-hut, indeed.

The Duke will feature in a forthcoming blogpost I have about Famous Playboys, so you know, I have to hold something back here. Stay tuned.

JEAN MARAIS



I remember watching Cocteau's "The Beauty and the Beast" and thinking, you know, I think I prefer Jean Marais as the beast. It's because when he was out of costume and makeup (which required a sacrifice of 4 hours), he was almost distractingly handsome. The kind which leaps out from the screen or photograph, and practically invades your space.

And yes, I too think I'm a good candidate for psychoanalysis about this, but you know it's true.

Prettiness is about symmetry, as Aristotle explained. Nature adds a wrinkle to the mix, by making sure there is an element of uniqueness to that of desirability -- in this case, blondness. But plainly God has a sense of humour, because in Marais' case, there was no chance he was going to reproduce, being as he was, gay.

HONOURARY MENTION

CAPTAIN ALFREDO ASTIZ



It's difficult to include this person, who is a modern-day monster, but after the insipid-looking blonds above, who all have a frail femininity about them, I had to include at least one which was handsome, blond, but who was utterly loathesome.

For those of you who have never heard of him, he is an Argentinian naval captain at the heart of that country's "Guerra Sucia" (Dirty War). Argentinian politics is difficult to characterise, because at the time, it was a holdover from the Fascism which looks Rightist, but in many respects is very Left.

This fetching military man had, as a young ensign, a shock of white-blond hair which was the delight of older Argentinian women, leading him to be called "El Angel de la Muerte" (the Angel of Death). Using said blond looks, he infiltrated many of the leftist organisations as a member of the secret service. After denouncing them, he was personally responsible for many atrocious torture acts, such as the famous "death flights -- a prisoner went up in a helicopter, and was pushed out to his or her death. Yep, this man allegedly was one of the pushers.

Ugh, awful. A pox on his house.

...hmm. Maybe, you know, that is the source of my disaffection for blond men. Perhaps I think that sometimes that which glitters is not really gold?

MODERN EXCESSIVELY HANDSOME BLOND MEN

By now, you might be wondering why I haven't chosen any photos in colour. Well, apart from that being too easy, I also think the men above are often not spoken of these days. There's always a historical angle with my posts, as you know.

But just so that you ladies (and some gentlemen) out there may have colourful eye-candy, these are my selections of blond guys who are just too cute for my taste.







That's from top to bottom, two actors, Rupert Penry-Jones (Spooks, Cold Comfort Farm) and Ryan Phillippe (Flags of My Fathers, Gosford Park) as well as footballer and general poster-child of metrosexuality, David Beckham.

Incredibly, given the fact that most women drool over them, these men do nothing for me.

Mind you, neither does this guy.



All I do when I look at this photo of Reggie Bush's rippling physique is think, "Jesus, can you just inflate that bloody thing already?".

I'm a complicated blonde.

Slightly Different

What happens when you take one of the world's most notorious couples, take photos of them on the beach, then in their skivvies in bed, then compare those to a famous magician and his wife, doing the same?

THE BECKHAMS






PAUL DANIELS & DEBBIE MCGEE





(I don't know about Posh, but Miss McGee looks like she's channeling Elizabeth Taylor in Cleopatra)

Tiger's Cub

Congratulations are in order for Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren, the latter of whom just gave birth to the couple's second child, and first son. Tiger confirmed the news on his website a few moments ago.

"Elin and I are thrilled to announce the birth of our son, Charlie Axel Woods, who was born on Sunday 8 February 2009. Both Charlie and Elin are doing great [...]."

Well done, you two.

Now please get well so you can go back to the links, Tiger!

Jonathan Ross' Bafta Lispth

I had forgotten just how annoying Jonathan Ross' lisp was, after emigrating from the UK.

I am currently watching the Baftas, which were handed out just a few hours ago -- where he as host gave a little shoutout to Kate Winslet in the audience, not just teasing her about her two nominated films, and I quote:

"The Weader and Wevolutionawy Woad"

...but about her melodramatic weepiness at the Golden Globes.

"As long as you do it in a crisp 30 seconds, we're not going to complain. And just in case emotion does get the better of you -- and I think you know who I am talking about...KATE.

Camera pans to Winslet trying to fake-laugh her way through the joke.



And yes that is Robert Downey Jr. showing his gum to the world through parted lips. You stay classy, Robert.

However, Team Brangelina looked less amused. Brad Pitt has the face of a guy of our generation being stuck in a Joey Heatherton roast during the Buddy Hackett segment.



I'll be back with more thoughts after I finish watching it on the DVD-R. By way of spoiler, though, let's just say that Slumdogging is all the rage at the moment. Blech.

Related

The 2008 Oscars Nominations

The Darkest Knight

Christian Bale's rant is now up there with the Yeaaahhhhhh! of Howard Dean, in terms of remixes, and funny edits.

"Oh goooooood! For youuuu! And how was it?"



(His Welshie accent has definitely become Americanised. He'll be in Catherine Zeta-Jones territory in a moment)

Truther Douchebaggery Entering Our Homes Soon

I rarely watch any television that is not PBS, cable news, Sundance, foreign channels, or the triumverate of Discovery-History Channel-Travel Channel, and perhaps I see why now.

Despite hearing that America is going through a second "Golden Age of Television" exactly 50 years after its first, if segments like this on FX's "Rescue Me" are anything to go by, I am not missing a thing.

A coming episode of the acclaimed FX drama “Rescue Me” will tackle what may sound like a far-fetched plot line: that the attacks of Sept. 11 were an “inside job.” The actor who espouses the theories on camera, it turns out, also subscribes to them in real life.

Claims that Al Qaeda terrorists were not solely responsible for the attacks have a lively following on the Internet, including on YouTube, but the second episode of “Rescue Me’s” fifth season, starting in April, may represent the first fictional presentation of 9/11 conspiracy theories by a mainstream media company (FX is operated by the News Corporation).

“They’re not discussed a lot in the press,” Daniel Sunjata, the actor who plays Franco Rivera on “Rescue Me,” told reporters at a television press tour last month. He predicted that the episode would be “socio-politically provocative.”

Ugh. I wonder if "Rescue Me" would ever tackle the Holocaust suggesting it never happened. Of course not (thank God). And why? Because there are some conspiracy theories more acceptable than others.

As for the topic, let me reiterate that there is nothing, and I do mean nothing, that makes my hair stand on end more than people who believe in conspiracy theories. It alters my entire view of a person's intelligence. This actually affected my enjoyment of Marion Cotillard's wonderful performance as Edith Piaf, in last year's "La Vie En Rose".

Yep, she's a Truther, too.

Cotillard: I have a tendency to often share the point of view of the conspiracy theory. [...]

Coluche, 9/11, all that. We can watch on the Internet all the films that, well…about 9/11, about — about the conspiracy theory. It's fascinating. It's even addictive after a while.

Paris Première: Let's take 9/11, for example. What did disturb [sic] you more concretely?

Cotillard: You are shown that other towers of the same kind that were hit by planes, that burnt — there is a tower, I think that it's in Spain, that burnt for twenty-four hours.

Paris Première: Before collapsing…?

Cotillard: It never collapsed! None of these towers collapsed. And, over there, in a few minutes, the thing collapses. And, then, after that, we'll talk lengthily about it because there was — because the thing was filled with gold, the towers from 9/11. And then it was a money-sucker because they were finished, it seems to me, in '73, and to update all that, to modernize all the technology and everything, it was much more expensive to have work done, etc., than destroying them. Did man walk on the moon? I've seen quite a lot of documentaries about it, and I ask myself. But, in any case, I don’t believe everything that I'm told, that's for sure.

I've already spoken at length about conspiracy theories. Though upon reading this excerpt by Cotillard (who later apologised for her remarks, saying they were taken out of context), I am again jolted back into the theory I have about why certain people believe in them.

It's not a logic thing. It's also not that there has never been a single conspiratorial act in the history of mankind, and therefore, they're all bunk.

It's that conspiracy theories are twisted creatures of the human ego.

Listen to what conspiracists always, always say when justifying their beliefs.

But, in any case, I don’t believe everything that I'm told, that's for sure.

Commit that sentence to memory. It is used by every person who has ever wanted to explain how the world works according to their world view.

What they are really saying is this:

The whole world might be made of gullible morons who believe in everything they are told, BUT! I! AM! SMARTER! THAN! THEY! ARE!

"They" - another they - cannot pull the wool over MY eyes!

... whomever "they" think it is, though I suspect the they is more The System than an actual cadre of people.

Having said that, I think it goes again to my theory of the ego being stimulated by such thoughts. It is very easy for people to imagine that there is a puppetmaster inside a smoke-filled room pulling the strings of our world, sending his minions to do his evil bidding.

Never mind that the total sum of our world's actions cannot be conceived by any single human being, let alone one person or select group being able to control such an organic growth as an open society. In their hearts, they are comforted by their view of how the world works, at the same time continuing to be appalled by misanthropic visions, which is the root of their attitude.

They do not trust their fellow human beings, especially those who they disagree with politically.

The other way would actually entail putting away their half-gassed fabrications; to approach the world as a mature, mentally healthy adult -- and some people die of old age believing in Machiavellian blueprints.

Look, conspiracy theories exist only because we have doubts. The doubts are legitimate, but the conclusions are a panacea for ignorance.

RELATED LINK: Pithy and always intellectually stimulating Blake of The Bit Maelstom coincidentally touches on the very topic of conspiracy theories, of which he was working on posting for a while.

He writes about the current and past crops of conspiracies, from the moon landing (debunked by Adam and Jamie, thanks be to God -- I'm only being half-facetious when saying that) to the JFK assassination to Obama's "mysterious" birthplace.

Blake's gambit is to try to shame the conspiracists for the inane quality of recent theories.

The 9/11 Truthers have instead constructed an elaborate explanation for the towers' collapse which insults everyone who saw the planes hit.

Worse, they do so in the face of an actual conspiracy: Of anti-American hard-line Muslim terrorists who left massive paper trails, who had ties all over the world, who had many co-conspirators, and who had a boss willing to take credit for it.

On a lighter note, another dumb conspiracy making the rounds is the "Obama wasn't born in America" theory. This requires us to believe that the State of Hawaii is hiding something (apparently in a many-decade anticipation of Obama's eventual Presidential bid) and that there's not a single Republican or Hillary supporter able to sneak that evidence out.

Really, it's just not up to snuff.

I hope to see better in the future from everyone.

Heh.

I only wish I could be this light-hearted about the topic, tweaking their noses like Blake does.

Unfortunately, it really cheeses my left non-existent nut to have to speak about such things. I think it is the educator and the Historian in me, which balks at the grains of truth being used to insinuate concrete fact.

We have the French Revolution to blame for every cockamamie conspiracy that has been flung out since the world exploded into modernity in the late 1700s. People who didn't know how to explain how the world suddenly looked back at them, needed to find reasons in the form of groups (the Jews, the Jacobins, the Jesuits, the Masons) to make sense of a topsy-turvy era.

The world has never really recovered since.

SUGGESTED VIEWING: If you haven't already done so, check out Fritz Lang's silent film, "Spies" (Spione).

It's a treasure trove of insinuations about how the world works, down to the creepy banker (so obviously intended to suggest "a grasping, devious Jew" with his neurotic Lenin goatee and Dr. Evil sidekick cat) who masterminds a spy ring.



I always wondered about this film, which despite the love of intrigue and sense of helplessness Lang loved to show in his films, was uncharacteristically lazy intellectually.

Then I remembered that Thea von Harbou, Lang's then wife, was later one of the top artist prizes secured by a grateful Hitler to show the world that, hey, intellectuals were amenable to National Socialism.

To quote the outraged Headmistress in another Weimar classic, "Mädchen in Uniform", ein Skandal.

Forza Jennifer

Given what this poor girl has gone through, having had her mother, brother and nephew allegedly killed by her brother-in-law, it's a wonder she is still in one mental piece. But there she was, head held high, at the Super Bowl.

Though I missed it live, I was enraptured to hear Jennifer Hudson's rendition of our national anthem.



Is it Whitney Huston good? Maybe not. I literally get goosepimples hearing Whitney's version (can you believe it was 25 years ago!). But meh, who cares -- Jennifer was fantastic and all of America's hearts go out to her.

Barack Obama To Replace Ted Casablanca on E!

In an unprecedented move in American history, the sitting President of the United States will be moonlighting on an "infotaintment" site, E! Online, as celebrity gossip columnist.

In case you might be wondering if this is yet another job that he's unqualified and unprepared for, fear not.

Sitting with Obama, Lauer held up a copy of US Magazine, and pointed to how the editors cut him out of the cover photo with his wife and daughters. In the upper right-hand corner of the cover was a photo of a curvier Simpson and the headline: “Weight Battle.”

“They took you out of it,” Lauer said of the magazine.

“It — it’s — it’s a little hurtful,” Obama said.

“You got replaced by Jessica Simpson,” Lauer said.

“Yeah, who’s losing a weight battle apparently,” Obama said, according to the NBC transcript of the interview. “Yeah. Oh, well.”

Sources close to the Crackberry-addicted President says he's been following Jessica Simpson ever since her split up from Nick Lachey. Incidentally, the crooner is incensed that his ex's weight is a topic of conversation ever since she was photographed looking a little portly down here in South Florida's Chili-Cookoff (which your humble blogger almost attended!).



Said Lachey, which isn't pronounced "Lah-tchee" apparently, in one of those strange American interpretations like Favre is pronounced "Far-ve" and not, well, Favre (breathe):

"I can't believe it's this big of a story and people are making such a huge deal about it. I'm never ceased to be amazed by people's reactions to things."

That's no way to speak about the President, Nick. Racist.

We wish Barack Obama well in this thrilling new endeavour, and hey, you think you can cover Zac Efron's sexual orientation next, Mr. President? We're dying to know.

Senator Oprah

May I rub my ego for a moment before you? Remember that prediction in my post of October 15, 2005? I predicted that Oprah would run for the Senate in Illinois, by at least 2012.

From Grand Ole Oprah:

Prediction: Oprah Winfrey will run for a Senate seat from Illinois one day.

Possibly for Dick Durbin's seat, or even Barack Obama's seat, should either make a serious bid for the US Presidency in 2008, or more to the point, 2012, one year after Oprah's contract is set to expire.

I didn't get it right, at least, not yet.

But today comes word that "embattled Governor Rod Blagojevich" (it's almost a journalistic mantra) was considering appointing Miss Oprah Winfrey to Barack Obama's vacant seat!

At least, that's apparently what he told those cream-of-wheat harpies of The View. Gawker thought it would've been "amazing", and quoted Helmet Head's reason.

She seemed to be someone who had helped Barack Obama in a significant way become president," he said. "She was obviously someone with a much broader bully pulpit than other senators."

Oprah has already issued a response, via her BFF Gayle King's Sirius show.

"If I had been watching from the treadmill I probably would have fallen off the treadmill."

Work off those Krispy Kremes, girl!

Of course, now, when she legitimately casts her hat into the ring, she can claim that she had never thought about it, never ever before Governor Blagojevich first brought it up. But the more she thought about it, the more she realised she had a platform, support, and wanted to offer her services to her country.

You know it.

St. Barack's Fire

One of my readers emailed me with a video link, which they thought would make a great post given that I would usually skewer it to the mirth of all (maybe).

As I started to watch these actors and actresses, singers and dancers pledge themselves to their country, a huge wave of sadness overcame me. I mean, massive depression bubble, with darkening horizon and slo-mo eyelid flutter.

Where was this sentiment during other Administrations? Where was the love for a hard-working, stressed President, the desire to reach out to one's community, the unalloyed pride to be American...BEFORE OBAMA?

Why, oh why do liberals only love their country the most when a liberal is at the helm? I don't love the US any the less after January 20, 2009, just because the guy I didn't vote for is President now.

I actually do have a response, and it's one most of my friends have heard before as I treat them to my bully pulpit. I will save it for another, more well-rounded post.

So for the record here is the "I, Pledge" video. Try to see if you can make it past David and Courtney. I couldn't.



But...

So as not to waste a post, I give you another. This is much more filled with comic potential.

Here are Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore generously sharing their time and experiences attending the Inauguration, so the huddled masses in front of their monitors watching on Youtube can see what it might've been to attend if they were as cool and famous, and totally awesome like they are.



First question:

Isn't Ashton a Nikon spokesman? I can't believe he couldn't get a better lens to record his pimpin' ride.

If They Weren't Famous

Everyone knows that celebrities rarely let themselves go, partly because their looks are intrinsic to their livelihood. Not that there aren't misshapen or unattractive actors and singers out there, but you know, they do have ways of getting buff again even if they do.

But what if these celebrities had never gotten famous to begin with? Haven't you ever wondered how they might've looked.

Well, wonder no more! Here they are in all their schlubb glory.

BRITNEY SPEARS



Flaming chopsticks! I know a woman who looks just like Brit-Brit. She's a checkout lady at my local supermarket.

TOM CRUISE



In real life, Tom Cruise would play the part of Rain Man, not Dustin Hoffman.

JENNIFER ANISTON



The funny thing is, you can totally see a fat woman inside the real Jennifer Aniston without the auspices of Photoshop. They say she and her ex-hubby used to adore Tex-Mex, and would eat at LA Mexican restaurants at least three times a week.

Easy on the Chalupas, Jen.

PAMELA ANDERSON



Let's call her "Office Lady". In the world of 9-to-5 cubicles, this is the face of the woman who makes one other woman's life a misery.

JOHNNY DEPP



LOL. That is so every guy outside a honky-tonk on Friday nights, talkin' 'bout Led Zeppelin.