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Sundries
...a sweatshop of moxie

Friday, September 15, 2006

A Horse Of Course

(Welcome Ace of Spades and Dr. Melissa Clouthier readers! You have filthy minds, all of you. Just like me)

Let me ask you:

What is the one thing you recall about Catherine the Great, from your sleep-induced memories of High School history class?

Yep, me too.



Rarely has one woman had to deal with such slanderous gossip as her constant companion in history books, as this outstanding lady monarch, has had to.

Yet, if there's anything to be learnt by this story, is that people who undergo harsh winters might just think certain relationships are normal. We can all get a little crazy shut in 6 months out of the year, right?

Sure, winter sometimes does things to you.

Things like naming your daughter Wolf; suicide; and of course, nookie with your horse.

Well, have I got a story for you!

You might remember that Denmark was in the news earlier this year, for considering providing its handicapped citizens with official prostitutes, on the taxpayer's dime.

After all, handicapped people have needs.

This is not to make light of their needs, but frankly, the idea that the state should subsidise those needs, trips over the light fantastic of moral turpitude.

But if you thought "Social Worker with Privileges" was a dazzlingly civilised concept, you might be interested to know that the land of the sex change, Denmark offers another highlight in its tourist package:

Animal bordellos.

(Come on, you know you want to repeat it out loud, in a weird, midwestern David Letterman, "Uma. Ophrah." type of way)

According to this article in Aftenposten, Norway's second largest newspaper, Denmark is the first stop for Norwegians, in the little talked-about sex-with-animal farms.

"Neither Denmark nor Norway has a prohibition on sex with animals, as long as the animals do not suffer.

On the Internet Danish animal owners advertise openly that they offer sex with animals, without intervention from police or other authorities, Danish newspaper 24timer reports."

As long as the animals do not suffer, this is the line that kills me.

You can't so much as cough on a fox in Britain, anymore, or wear your grannie's chinchilla, without PETA staging a protest outside your walk-in closet.

So where have they been all these years, when Scandinavians decided to pork your porker?

Presumably holding a vigil for Germaine Greer who dared to criticise Steve Irwin for his love exploitation of animals.

By all means, kick a guy when he's down under, but do not go after those who hanker for some lovings from a lemur.

If this blogpost has whet your interest in animal brothels, say no more, here's what it'll cost you:

For a mere U$85-170, which is teenage-Thai chump change, you too can hook up with My Friend Flicka, in Denmark, since there is no legal prohibition against bestiality either there, nor it is believed, in Norway.

See, the law is kinda fuzzy on this point. It's a grey area, if you will, full of nuances.

When asked if animal bordellos were illegal in Norway, their Norwegian Food Safety Authority Section Chief for Animal Welfare (a bureaucratic mouthful), Torunn Knævelsrud, said,

"It is difficult to say yes or no," Knævelsrud told Aftenposten.no.

He added that as long as the animal was sheltered, fed and cared for properly, there is nothing to prevent animal bordellos from existing in Norway.
"It could be that the animals don't really care," Knævelsrud said.


If a little fox is said to care whether a pack of hounds and aristocratic fiends in red coats are chasing after him, then I think it's safe to assume a chicken would mind if its tuchus was being penetrated, don't you think?

Not that I'm judging animal sex tourists, oh no!

We must create a climate for tolerance, and understanding.

So before you condemn the wackiness of such a situation being in legal limbo in two of the most advanced nations on earth, just remember that llama herders in Peru had to, BY LAW mind you, be accompanied by their wives, during any trek lasting overnight.

Those men just couldn't be trusted in cold, lonely nights to go without the comfort of a warm beast -- which is an awful way to describe your missus, but there it is.

If the Peruvian parliament could pass such a law to ostensibly protect the llama from abuse, YOU'D THINK the cradle of welfare-civilisation that is Scandinavia, could too.

Everyone knows Winter whips the llama's ass.

UPDATE: Fortunately, due to this reportage, the Danish Parliament is delving into the matter.

A Danish daily newspaper called 24timer decided to investigate the issue. Apparently a few hours of searching the web revealed 22 Danish websites advertising bestiality and even managed to arrange meetings two animal sex providers. 24timer indicated that most customers of the Danish animal sex industry are from Germany, Sweden and Norway and one German website refers to Denmark as an “animal whorehouse”. Next week the Danish parliament will decide whether legal measures should be taken in regard to bestiality.

I'm sure Germaine Greer will neigh weigh in on the side of the horsies, any moment.

8 Comments:

  • Do you have any idea how hard it is to find "Llama Lube" outside of Denmark? What, indeed, are the odds that I got up this morning and thought I would write that last sentence?

    They have special "Llamdoms," just so you don't get the Kirkegaardian "Sickness Unto Death."

    Puts another spin on that whole "Lleap of Faith," thing doesn't it?

    And don't even get me started on Hamlet!

    By Blogger Ron, at Fri Sep 15, 03:55:00 pm GMT-4  

  • The question is which side Ms. Greer will neigh in on.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri Sep 15, 08:23:00 pm GMT-4  

  • Do you have any idea how hard it is to find "Llama Lube" outside of Denmark?

    First, let me just say:

    ROTFLMAO.

    Secondly, has anyone seen my horse costume? For halloween, you understand.

    What, indeed, are the odds that I got up this morning and thought I would write that last sentence?

    I said very much the same thing about a strap-on vibrator comment once, on Althouse.

    Not one of my better moments, perhaps.

    They have special "Llamdoms," just so you don't get the Kirkegaardian "Sickness Unto Death."

    LOL...llamdons.

    Joe Camel with 'Tude.

    Puts another spin on that whole "Lleap of Faith," thing doesn't it?

    I'm llaping it up.

    And don't even get me started on Hamlet!

    Let me guess:

    Bareback Mountain meets Richard III?

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Fri Sep 15, 08:41:00 pm GMT-4  

  • The question is which side Ms. Greer will neigh in on.

    Whatever side Steve Irwin (RIP) wasn't on?

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Fri Sep 15, 08:42:00 pm GMT-4  

  • Let me guess:

    Bareback Mountain meets Richard III?


    A Horse Costume! A Horse Costume! My Llama Lube for a Horse Costume!

    What's that line from Brokeback Mountain in Danish?
    "I can't quit ewe!"

    By Blogger Ron, at Fri Sep 15, 09:10:00 pm GMT-4  

  • My Dear Victoria,

    I'm afraid I'm going to have to travel to S. Florida and administer some...firm discipline upon you, you filthy, filthy girl.

    Just as soon as I'm done here in South Dakota...what's that officer? no, sir, I was merely attempting help this sheep over a fence.

    By Blogger I R A Darth Aggie, at Sat Sep 16, 10:43:00 am GMT-4  

  • Victoria, is this YOU?

    The end of the world is neigh, nye.
    My fictional, hermit inhabited, private island, which I wish were real, will have no animals, no pets, now, for sure.
    No Great Danes, or lesser Danes, either.

    By Anonymous Paul, at Sat Sep 16, 05:53:00 pm GMT-4  

  • If I was a "Flippery Fish," I wouldn't be so flippant about this topic. Europeans are reading this right now... I can only guess why! And I don't like it one bit! I think you put your finger on the real cause of those declining European birth rates...I'm telling Amazon right now to quadruple prices of certain DVDs shipped to European addresses! If they're going to watch "Babe," "Juan Valdez commercials,"Mister Ed," et. al. for any reason OTHER than the director (And God) intended, they should at least PAY for the privilege!

    By Anonymous Darrell, at Mon Sep 18, 12:44:00 am GMT-4  

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