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Sundries
...a sweatshop of moxie

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Churchy

Since I'm being all churchy today, as I recover from my bout with 'flu, I will post these two stories which I had saved up for another occasion.

But perhaps the moment is just right today.

Of course, all Catholics must internally come to terms with their religion, and some nominally go further than that, if they happen to disagree too much with the teachings.

Thus is born a Vatican-Free Catholic, which has always sounded like a good name for an occupied country's radio station, to me.

"All Catholic, all the time, from Rome to Reno and the beaches"

But I digress.

The other day, the Miami Horrible newspaper printed an article about the National Catholic Church, a breakaway church which has a local parish in Fort Lauderdale of about 40 ex-Catholics, led nationally by a charismatic (is there ever any other kind?) ex-bishop named Father Roy.





Father Roy, if you please! Who's his curate, Father Trigger?

And why is it that Father Roy looks waxy, like a Madame Tussaud's statuette? I could never follow a man with a gaze like that. It's positively constipated.

And that raised, free-from-embellishment pulpit looks too Episcopalian for words...no thanks.

But you know, to each Catholic his own.

Better that they join these breakaway sects than to impose their own beliefs, whilst still wanting to call themselves Catholics, on our Church. Buh-bye.

But words fail even me, to describe this "pastor" whose story of first proclaiming himself the Apostle Paul, then to claiming he was "the born Jesus Christ, Man" or "the man Christ Jesus" (whatever weird syntax that is supposed to be, I'm guessing in Boricua slang), then to finally deciding, nope, I'm the Anti-Christ, after all.

You might have seen his story recently, as his brother was on CNN claiming that he's a fraud, a charlatan, and that he's neither Paul, Jesus nor the horn of Gabriel.

He's just an ex-heroin addict from Puerto Rico who knows how to exploit Vatican-Free Catholics when he sees them. In a warehouse.

Here is Dr. Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda, claiming that amongst other things, he will never die. Nope, not he.

He's the Anti-Christ, or something.





It's the eyes. It's always the eyes. Creepsville.

Don't worry too much about this man, though.

Even Vatican-Free Catholics have to realise The Born Christ He's The Man Jesus doesn't wear a gold Rolex, and if he's so all-gosh darned immortal, why the HECK does he need 9 bodyguards?

Oh right. Because he's the Anti-Christ now. Gotcha.

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16 Comments:

  • Many charlatans have realizd that there is good money in "religion" and often tax free to boot! I understand that motivation, what I really can't understand is all the followers who donate their hard earned money to these thieves!!!

    By Blogger Jose Aguirre, at Thu Mar 22, 03:20:00 pm GMT-4  

  • Maybe Father Roy was joined by Sister Dale and Cardinal Hopalong! That white smoke is frum their blazin' seplucurs! Them varmints aint ta 'bout to bushwhack us with their False Pieces of The True Cross, nossir!

    If I may beg your...indulgence.

    By Blogger Ron, at Thu Mar 22, 04:19:00 pm GMT-4  

  • As Saint Duke said in The Searchers...of Holy Truth, "Listen up, Pilgrim!"

    By Blogger Ron, at Thu Mar 22, 04:22:00 pm GMT-4  

  • I would not drink the cool-aid if I were them!

    Good to see JD Roberts doing serious news rather than music videos

    By Blogger Renato, at Thu Mar 22, 07:51:00 pm GMT-4  

  • Many charlatans have realizd that there is good money in "religion" and often tax free to boot!

    Heh, Jose, I knew you and others would prefer this post of the two. ;)

    I understand that motivation, what I really can't understand is all the followers who donate their hard earned money to these thieves!!!

    Wait, I didn't even tell you the best part.

    I'm trying to find the reference (I think I read it on Stuck on the Palmetto), but I seem to recall a story where his followers voluntarily went to a South Beach tattoo parlour, and had '666' tattooed on their foreheads!!!

    Who does these kinds of things?

    And who sanctions them??

    I mean, even the Catholic Church has repeatedly told the Philippinos not to impale themselves to a cross, come every Good Friday.

    What is intolerable in a two-thousand year religion, should hardly be less so in one founded comparatively yesterday.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Thu Mar 22, 08:55:00 pm GMT-4  

  • As Saint Duke said in The Searchers...of Holy Truth, "Listen up, Pilgrim!"

    LOL. I didn't realise his famous "Pilgrim" was from the Searchers.

    You know, I hate westerns...but the other day, on TCM, I caught the first hour of Stagecoach before I was called away.

    I thought it was MAGNIFICENT.

    I really should give John Ford's westerns a look-see, before I dismiss the genre entirely.

    Any tips?

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Thu Mar 22, 08:57:00 pm GMT-4  

  • I would not drink the cool-aid if I were them!

    Good to see JD Roberts doing serious news rather than music videos


    Heh Heh Heh.

    Look at John D. Roberts then! He looks like...John Tesh? The Boss? Some no-account with a mullet.

    He even sounds more Canadian! "Aboot".

    I remember you told me about JD Roberts back in 2005, since he was doing the Pope's funeral, coincidentally, but on CBS!

    And how he did it well.

    Good Catholic boy. Nice to see he's amongst the heathens of CNN, now.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Thu Mar 22, 08:59:00 pm GMT-4  

  • No, I don't know if the "Pilgrim" line came from The Searchers, I was going for the religious pun. John Ford? Try Rio Bravo from Hawks instead! Not a big Ford fan!

    By Blogger Ron, at Thu Mar 22, 09:16:00 pm GMT-4  

  • Howard Hawks' Rio Bravo! What an excellent choice. :)

    As for Ford, same thing with me, except for his fantastic Grapes of Wrath -- I may not have liked Hank Fonda's politics, but he was a mighty fine actor, brought out to perfection by John Ford.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Thu Mar 22, 10:07:00 pm GMT-4  

  • I'm glad you appear to be feeling better! I was afraid that you would have recovered completely and forgotten all about it before I had the chance to say, "Get Well Soon!!!"

    By Blogger Internet Ronin, at Fri Mar 23, 12:32:00 am GMT-4  

  • I'm glad you appear to be feeling better! I was afraid that you would have recovered completely and forgotten all about it before I had the chance to say, "Get Well Soon!!!"

    Thanks, Internet Ronin! :)

    LOL, just as I type that, I sneezed. So you see, your kindly words still have a ring of truth.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Fri Mar 23, 01:12:00 am GMT-4  

  • Yes, Grapes of Wrath is excellent. Steinbeck liked the film more than his book. Of course, I too, want you to get healthy! More and more I like Hawks instead of Ford, I have to admit. If Hitchcock had ever done a Western, it should have been The Searchers instead of Ford. (today, what, DePalma?)

    By Blogger Ron, at Fri Mar 23, 01:30:00 am GMT-4  

  • The Duke's most Catholic line from a western was If anyone tries to cross that river, baptise 'em.

    Of course, he meant shoot the bastard off his horse and drop him in the river, but as aways, the devil is in the details.

    By Blogger I R A Darth, at Fri Mar 23, 10:53:00 am GMT-4  

  • (today, what, DePalma?)

    Oh noooo. Methinks not, Ron.

    Not that I disliked it as much as others, but the Black Dahlia showed that Brian DePalma's talent was sorely overestimated in the 70s.

    I dunno...I'd like to see Martin Scorcese try his hand at a western.

    At least it would be fun.

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Fri Mar 23, 12:59:00 pm GMT-4  

  • The Duke's most Catholic line from a western was If anyone tries to cross that river, baptise 'em.

    Of course, he meant shoot the bastard off his horse and drop him in the river,


    How come no one has distinctive lines like that anymore? The last truly mimicable movie was, Scarface.

    Sure, Bull Durham, but for the life of me, I don't know how to do a Kevin Costner accent.

    but as aways, the devil is in the details.

    LOL!

    Cheers,
    Victoria

    By Blogger vbspurs, at Fri Mar 23, 01:01:00 pm GMT-4  

  • Not that I disliked it as much as others, but the Black Dahlia showed that Brian DePalma's talent was sorely overestimated in the 70s.

    I'm in total agreement. When he does his Hitch ripoffs, I feel like he's Rich Little actually thinking he's being just as good as the person he's mimicing! Nicht!

    I dunno...I'd like to see Martin Scorcese try his hand at a western. I love John Dahl; a western from him would be neat! Check him out.

    How come no one has distinctive lines like that anymore? The last truly mimicable movie was, Scarface. I use lines from Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction nearly every day. To wit:

    You shoot me in a dream, you'd better wake up and apologize!

    Oh, I'm sorry, did I break your concentration?

    Well allow me to retort!

    Have some fire, Scarecrow!



    ...and many more.

    Sure, Bull Durham, but for the life of me, I don't know how to do a Kevin Costner accent. How well can you impersonate a Boring White Man? (capitalization required!) Answer that question, you get an answer for the other!

    By Blogger Ron, at Sat Mar 24, 01:32:00 am GMT-4  

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