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Sundries
...a sweatshop of moxie

Friday, January 02, 2009

BDS Claims Another One

Bush Derangement Syndrome, the precursor to Palin Derangement Syndrome, as well as to its ancillary condition, Obama Derangement Syndrome, has claimed its most recent suicide victim after Hunter S. Thomspon and Carol Anne Burger did away with themselves.

His name was Jim Blanning, and in his 72 years of existence in this world, he had served in the Big House for "racketeering, organized crime, fraud and larceny". What a swell guy.

His crude self-made gasoline bombs delivered to two banks brought toney ski resort, Aspen, Colorado to a virtual standstill this New Year's Eve (I wonder if the Kennedys were seriously inconvenienced or did they just continue playing touch skiing on the slopes).

Attached to one of the bombs, was a note with this exact wording and spelling, not to mention capitalisation -- bowdlerised to protect the innocent.

"WE HAVE ALL OF THE COP THREATS TO US UNDER VERY SOPHISTICATED ELECTRONIC SURVEILLANCE. DO NOT F--- WITH US OR THERE WILL BE MASS DEATH LIKE WE HAVE ALL BEEN PART OF OVER IN THAT F---ING QUICKSAND TRAP THAT ROVE'S AND CHANEY'S MONKEY BUS PUT US INTO WHERE SO MANY OF OUR SOUL MATES AND BROTHERS DIED VERY HORRIBLE DEATHS." - Blanning (a.k.a An Average RMN Poster)

That's Rocky Mountain News, in case you didn't know it, as I sure as heck didn't. My first thought was, "Wow, Richard Milhouse Nixon has a blog?".

I have a few comments for the recently departed Mr. Blanning. I hope he can take a minute to respond.

  1. If you're such an internet veteran and all, why don't you know that capitalising your entire message is considered SHOUTING and very rude, online? Or was that the point?
  2. It's Cheney, not Chaney, you stupid half-wit. If you're going to hate on someone, learn how to spell their frikkin' name. By the way, it's Victoria with a C, not K.
  3. We won Iraq. It has turned out to be an unfathomable success after the Surge. You'd think you'd have gotten clued in when Bushy dodged two shoes thrown at his head, but I guess you were too busy posting and bomb-building to notice.
  4. Did ever you build your dream house? Was Myrna Loy hot in bed?
The comments at the RMN post on this are even more pointedly hilarious. I reproduce a few of them for your approval.

- "INC: There has never been a terrorist attack on US soil since 9/11!!!!!

God bless bushy."

- "I see I've wondered onto the playground again.

A smart robber would use his suicide vest to rob individuals on Aspen's streets, not banks. "Your wallet or my life." You're likely to run across a drug dealer. In Aspen, the money's in the pockets."

- "When one old fart with a bee in his bonnet and no knowledge of chemistry can bring the richest city in Colorado to its knees, we know that the terrorists have won." [Heh]

- "Terrorist? Is every mentally ill person with something inflamable now a terrorist? Let's not stretch that word so far it loses all meaning." [Totally]

- "He forgot to add rush Lameball and DS hanitty on flax news!!"

And perhaps my favourite, because you have to know your pop culture:

- "The "bomb note" sounds like it was written by "a small foreign faction" ...".

Paging Patsy Ramsay...

Look, this situation could've turned out much worse than inconveniencing half of Hollyweird during their New Year hols. It is also tragic that one small-time crook and coward is now elevated to something far more sinister like a "terrorist", partly because journalists are desperate to tag anyone with that name -- and thus to reduce its unpolitically correct tag for "scummy extremist foreigners".

But at the root of this is an important message to all who allow politics to ruin their lives.

This man is not the guy you want to become. Seek help, before others suffer too.

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