1-95's Sunpass Lanes

Tell me, fellow South Floridians:

Whose bright idea was it to make two Sunpass lanes on 1-95 North?

Because I just came back yesterday from having entered my usual "speed" lane, going to Boca Raton, and found myself happy to escape with my life. This will be a daily traffic accident catastrophe waiting to happen.

It looks something like this (yes, I had my camera, but I didn't dare take any photos. This is in Seattle):



Imagine white plastic cones where the red arrows are, at about 5 foot intervals. These two lanes are buttressed by a concrete barrier which separates the opposing routes of 1-95.

Only those plastic cones (temporary?) prevent Sunpass lane riders from attempting to move out from the two lanes unto the third lane, which I presume has now become the "speed" lane, i.e., the unofficial lane where you're allowed to go faster than usual. It varies, but it's usually 80 MPH/130 KPH.

Well, Friday afternoon, the Sunpass lanes were moving at a crawl. Not just the driver in front of me, but three ahead decided they couldn't wait. Finding a lull in the third lane's traffic, they decided to hurtle themselves there, running over the cones.

God, what a nightmare.

I thought I was a goner one time for sure, as an SUV right in front of me just barely missed being ploughed into by a car who had just turned from the fourth lane, not realising he was going to attempt this horrific manoeuvre. If the SUV had been a fraction of a second off in timing, I think people would've died in clumps.

Once you get into those Sunpass lanes, they'll take you straight to the Golden Glades exit (Exit 45), with no chance to get away, if you please!

The way I knew that, since in typical Miami fashion there's been little or NO advertising about this, is that I actually called Florida Highway Patrol on my mobile at one point.

The lady officer who answered calmed me about the situation, but did confirm that there had been many accidents so far, exactly due to the situation I just described above:

Unalerted drivers not realising once you take these Sunpass lanes, there's no getting out for miles.

In fact, there is a junction which liberates drivers to decide to continue on 1-95 North, or to take 595 or 836. I presume that'll be an overpass, and the option will be cutoff at one point.

You must be wondering if I, in a moment of desperation that our two lanes were moving at a crawl, decided to follow suit and run over the cones?

Yes, I did. I thought about it a lot. But I didn't do it. I was scared not just for my life, but in human fashion, for totalling my car.

It was only later, after we got to the end, that we realised a traffic accident had shut down one of these two Sunpass lanes, effectively nullifying their intended purpose: speed.

Maybe it'll be fine in a few years, and I'm just overreacting today.

But good God, what a dangerous transformation of 1-95 this has proven to be.

The City Hall Beautiful

My favourite building in Miami, bar none -- Coral Gables City Hall.

You've already witnessed my love for Coral Gables, in my previous travellogue, but I wanted to highlight this building, on its lonesome.

The people who run the City Beautiful inside this edifice are, as follows:

· Mayor Don Slesnick, II

· Vice-Mayor Maria Anderson

· Commissioner Rafael "Ralph" Cabrera, Jr.

· Commissioner William H. Kerdyk, Jr.

· Commissioner Wayne E. "Chip" Withers

Here's another random beef, why do American politicians add their nickname in inverted commas, to the middle of their names? Argh, it's so dopey.

I can't say anything about this group of commissioners, since I don't live near them to judge, save for the fact that in very few areas of this city, will you find only one Cuban-American name listed in the roster of elected politicians.

It's like going to Boston, and finding only one Irish name in the bunch.

The good thing about having visited the official City Hall website, is that though I didn't find out who that chap in the statue is (I'm guessing it's Coral Gables founder, George Merrick), I did find out that we are to have a new,

Coral Gables Museum

Excellent!

Not much is known so far, but the blurb says this:

"The Coral Gables Museum will be housed in the historic Phineas Paist Police and Fire station built in 1936. The unique W.P.A. era coral stone structure will be restored and updated to serve its new purpose and new gallery spaces will be added to produce 7,000 square feet of exhibition space."

I'm sure it will be as elegant and gracious, as the rest of the city.

BONUS SHOT: Coral Gables City Hall, from Miracle Mile, at dusk.

Jessica Parker

Premium Cable channel, HBO, has opened up a new shop for HBO-goodies in Manhattan, near Bryant Park.

I'm thinking as I read this, why does a cable channel need its own shop? I mean, it's not like they're PBS.

(By the way, does PBS still have those shops anymore? There used to be one in The Falls Mall, but I haven't noticed if they're still around. It was a little bit like the Disney Store, but with Arthur and D.W., who coincidentally, I once met at the PBS store there. What? I watch children's programming)

Then I remember.

Sarah Jessica Parker. Sex and The City. Ahh, yes.





Listen, I loved SATC, and in fact, I actually own Season 1 on DVD. It was a Secret Santa gift, but my point still stands.

Yet, danged if I'm going to be seen shopping in this emporium, which even I realise is an obsessive shade of pink too far. I mean, how many men will be shopping there?

(My guess is only Anderson Cooper and Ryan Seacrest. Big Oz fans, huge)

I also have no idea why they put SJP all alone, on that projected mural, as it does indeed make her already generous schnozzola about 45 feet bigger.

In the words of Peter Griffin on Family Guy, "Why not, they allow Sarah Jessica Parker on TV, and she has a face like a foot."

Quite.

By the way, here's a random beef.

Why is it that South Americans have this bizarre habit of calling people with three names in English -- the middle of which is not a family name but a Christian name -- and use their last two names only, hmm, hmm?

Catch that? Wait, it's like this:

- Sarah Jessica Parker? Becomes "Jessica Parker"

- Jennifer Jason Leigh? Becomes "Jason Leigh"

- Martin Luther King Jr? Becomes "Luther King"

I know people are going to reply that in Spanish and Portuguese-speaking countries, the tradition is to use the last two surnames of a person's name.

But PATENTLY that is not the case with "Jessica Parker", not to say the completely nutty, "Luther King".

Of course, in English we have a similar peculiarity, in that a footballer like metrosexual Portugal and Man United player, Cristiano Ronaldo, is called "Ronaldo". The same weird custom applies to Roberto Carlos, ex-Brazil midget defender, who is referred to moronically as "Carlos".

What on earth. That's like calling me "Elisabeth" or Ron "Alfredo".

Yes, I'm not sure which person is going to decide they just can't live without that DVD of The Sopranos one fine day, and rush out to the HBO store, only to be blinded by its aggressive pinkness.

Furthermore, I don't see why the other gals of Sex And The City got gypped by the mecca-room mural, especially my favourite character, British-Canadian lass, Kim Cattrall.

As Gawker inimitably put it:

Really, are things so bad that we need an entire room--make that shrine--dedicated to the memory of Carrie et al? Seriously, this looks like someone from Six Feet Under got the interior design contract.

Is it wrong to think that Sarah Jessica Parker looked better on the side of a bus?

Yes, yes it is. But it's still sweet to hear it.